Crystal Maldonado > Quotes

“Just—promise me girls you won't devalue yourselves for anyone. And I mean anyone. You can't. You have to really be kind to yourself and look out for yourself because the world can be cold and cruel. Don't feel bad, ever, about putting yourself first.”
― Crystal Maldonado, Fat Chance, Charlie Vega

“But my mind struggles to bridge the gap between the two ideologies. I’m fat, and I celebrate other fat people, but I don’t quite celebrate me. It makes me feel like a fraud.”
― Crystal Maldonado, Fat Chance, Charlie Vega

“You can’t. You have to really be kind to yourself and look out for yourself because the world can be cold and cruel. Don’t feel bad, ever, about putting yourself first. Promise!”
― Crystal Maldonado, Fat Chance, Charlie Vega

“They say you can’t really be with someone until you can love yourself, but I’m learning that it can also sometimes take the admiration and support of someone else to help you get there. I was already on the path to seeing my own self-worth, but Brian took my hand and made the route less lonely.”
― Crystal Maldonado, Fat Chance, Charlie Vega

“I’m just over all these men! They want so much from you. Be beautiful but not too beautiful; thin but not too thin; feminine but not too feminine. On dates, it’s the same thing—talk, but not too much. Ask them questions about themselves, but not too many questions. I’m exhausted.”
― Crystal Maldonado, Fat Chance, Charlie Vega

“I would secretly give anything to be thin, while outwardly and openly rebelling against the idea that anyone should have to.”
― Crystal Maldonado, Fat Chance, Charlie Vega

“and to every Fat brown girl out there—I see you.”
― Crystal Maldonado, Fat Chance, Charlie Vega

“Whoa, whoa. Can’t a guy say hello?” “No, he can’t,” she snaps. “Not when he’s a fuckboy like you.” It’s like watching a tennis match.”
― Crystal Maldonado, Fat Chance, Charlie Vega

“Maybe fish, like me, are not so great with percentages.”
― Crystal Maldonado, Get Real, Chloe Torres

“For your own sake. All this Brian shit aside, you have to chill with yourself. Be kinder to you. Let yourself be human. And maybe stop chasing perfection. Because what the fuck is perfection anyway?”
― Crystal Maldonado, Fat Chance, Charlie Vega

“You need to believe in your value for you, even if you’re not some flawless ethereal being, even if not everyone will see what makes you special, even if your story is a little chaotic. We’re all messy, Charlie. So when everything’s a mess, it seems to me like you just need to give yourself room to breathe.”
― Crystal Maldonado, Fat Chance, Charlie Vega

“For every Animal Farm and The Great Gatsby we’ve read, we’ve also read The House on Mango Street and The Bluest Eye. It’s incredible, and it’s in this class I’ve been exposed to some of my favorite books.”
― Crystal Maldonado, Fat Chance, Charlie Vega

“Actually…someday I’m hoping to write a book about a girl who looks like me.” What I mean is a book specifically about a fat Puerto Rican girl with glasses. I’ve never once read a story about one, and something about that has always made me feel devastatingly alone.”
― Crystal Maldonado, Fat Chance, Charlie Vega

“They knew two languages and there I was thinking I was hot shit because I knew what an Oxford comma was. Hey, internalized racism. How you doing?”
― Crystal Maldonado, Fat Chance, Charlie Vega

“Right! You see me as superhuman! That’s some serious pressure.” Amelia laughs a little. “Sometimes it feels good, yeah, that people like how I look and act. But sometimes it’s just so much. I already have a ton of pressure on me from my parents and from myself, so it’s extra hard coming from you. Because we’re equals, me and you. Imperfect equals. And you’ve seen my struggles and you’ve been there right alongside me for the ride. I mean, I was a hot mess when I was trying to figure out if I wanted to have sex with Sid. I couldn’t face my parents over a dinner with my new girlfriend. I sometimes don't have the courage to stick up to people or for myself.”
“But those are just normal human things.”
“Yeah, exactly! This is my point! You look at me and you see me struggle through things and you root for me regardless, thinking I’m, like, killing it out there in the world, but when it’s you, you don’t cut yourself any slack and you beat yourself up. But I’m a regular person, and so are you,” she says. “And a pretty badass one, too. You’re so good at everything. You get amazing grades and you’re an incredible writer and you’re so smart-sometimes so smart that teachers assume I am, too, just because I’m around you. When I nearly failed my bio test earlier this semester, Mr. O'Donnell told me I should try to be more like you. And you know what? Maybe that’s a shitty thing to say to a student, but I do find myself wishing I could be more like you all the time. Not because I’m inadequate as a person but because humans yearn! Humans want to be better than they are! Humans feel jealous! And I think it’s okay if sometimes I want to be more like you. Who wouldn’t? You’re smart and hilarious and fashionable and fierce and you would do anything for the ones you love. You put up with a lot of shit and you let it light a fire in you and I admire the hell out of that, babe.”
― Crystal Maldonado, Fat Chance, Charlie Vega

“Sometimes I didn't get it [jokes] at all, but that didn't stop him from going out of his way to make me laugh. He was always just trying his best, and that's what I loved. I know I will never replace him, ever, but I would like someone to treat me a fraction as well.”
― Crystal Maldonado, Fat Chance, Charlie Vega

“Together, beneath the starry sky, we count down from three and shout, ‘Cheese, dummy!”
― Crystal Maldonado, No Filter and Other Lies

“She tells me we’re lucky to be brown because we look good in every color, and that feels nice.”
― Crystal Maldonado, Fat Chance, Charlie Vega

“The acknowledgment that this party has gone off the deep end sends a wave of relief through my body. Sometimes I worry I pick fights with my mom about things I should just let go, but when others around me see the same things—see that my mom is wrong—it helps me feel sane. I could hug Amelia just for saying that.”
― Crystal Maldonado, Fat Chance, Charlie Vega

“And Nick Williams literally painted on Ericka Hall’s locker. Basically vandalism! I just feel like maybe these proposals are getting a little out of hand.” Why am I so worked up about messes in the hallway? “Plus, Perry Bell hijacked the morning announcements to profess his love to Alyssa Choi. Like, what next, right?”
― Crystal Maldonado, Fat Chance, Charlie Vega

“My mind is much better a visualizing my creations than my hands are at creating them.”
― Crystal Maldonado, Fat Chance, Charlie Vega

“feel like Valentine’s Day always kinda sucks for dudes, too,” Brian says. “You never get anything—there’s just this expectation that you’re going to deliver. It’s weird, man.”
― Crystal Maldonado, Fat Chance, Charlie Vega

“They say you can’t really be with someone until you can love yourself, but I’m learning that it can also sometimes take the admiration and support of someone else to help you get there.”
― Crystal Maldonado, Fat Chance, Charlie Vega

“I ended up finding feminism and the fat acceptance movement, and I moved on to writing stories about girls of all sizes, from all backgrounds. It started to impact the way I thought about bodies, about nourishment, about diets, about myself.”
― Crystal Maldonado, Fat Chance, Charlie Vega

“But this is exactly why I didn’t! And you kind of I-told-you-so’d me after Cal! And you continually judge me about my weight! And you couldn’t say anything kind about Brian! And you never ask how I’m doing, and you never take an interest in my hobbies, and, and, and!”
― Crystal Maldonado, Fat Chance, Charlie Vega

“Food comforted me then and still comforts me now. The rush of happiness I feel when I bite into a chocolate chip cookie, the ache of a belly that’s a little too full, the anticipation before digging in to a meal”
― Crystal Maldonado, Fat Chance, Charlie Vega

“Mr. O’Donnell told me I should try to be more like you. And you know what? Maybe that’s a shitty thing to say to a student, but I do find myself wishing I could be more like you all the time.”
― Crystal Maldonado, Fat Chance, Charlie Vega

“As my mom shed her old body and habits like a snake shedding its skin, the things that brought us together began to disappear: no more sitting on the couch watching reality TV; no more shopping for clothes together (we couldn’t patronize the same stores); absolutely no more cooking together unless it was grilled chicken and broccoli, no delighting in indulgent meals or whipping up decadent desserts—no, nope, never.”
― Crystal Maldonado, Fat Chance, Charlie Vega

“In the way he pursued me, proudly and publicly; in the way he supported me during fights with my mom; in the way he believed in me and in my writing; in all these little and big ways, I thought Brian showed me again and again that he really cared. For me. Only me.”
― Crystal Maldonado, Fat Chance, Charlie Vega

“So I write about how I will find the strength to respect myself. I will find the courage to be kind in the face of hurt.
I write that I will put myself first.
I write that I won’t succumb to - or believe - my mother’s feelings about me.
I write that I will muster the strength to say goodbye to those who don’t deserve me.
I write that in the face of my sadness I will find the sunlight.
I write about how I don’t know how, but one way or another, I’ll be fine.”
― Crystal Maldonado, Fat Chance, Charlie Vega