Steve Peters > Quotes

“Having realistic and helpful expectations of the world that you live in and the people that you share it with will reduce stress levels considerably.”
― Steve Peters

“If you have become upset by something, let this be a prompt to check on whether your expectations are realistic and helpful regarding the situation or others involved.”
― Steve Peters

“It is better to have realistic expectations or in some cases hold no expectations at all.”
― Steve Peters

“Beating yourself up is a useless and damaging process and it is also a CHOICE. You don’t have to do it. Ask what good is it doing? Also ask is this the way that you want to deal with yourself? You can choose to look more objectively and see what you can do to improve, or accept the way that you are, with a smile. Things won’t get better by attacking and demeaning yourself. Relax and encourage yourself instead.”
― Steve Peters

“Humans need healthy minds. There are a number of ways to keep your mind healthy. Some examples include intellectual stimulation and challenge, laughter and fun, purpose and achievements. Making these happen will bring your mind into a healthy state as long as you don’t overdo it and stress yourself! Laughing and having a sense of humour can be the best tonic that you can give your mind. Try to see the funny side when things don’t go according to plan. Learning to laugh at misfortune and at your self is a learnt behaviour, a strong Autopilot, and one worth developing.”
― Steve Peters

“So understanding the person in front of you, and working with realistic expectations, will help you to help them and also stop you getting frustrated.”
― Steve Peters

“Smile when you can. Depending on how serious the situation is, try to see the lighter side of it. Laugh at yourself if you have overreacted.”
― Steve Peters

“Never beat yourself up if you handle stress poorly. This is a useless and damaging bad habit. As a bad habit is just a Gremlin we can remove it. Try smiling, relaxing and coming back with enthusiasm. You can only do your best, so accept it.”
― Steve Peters

“Your Chimp is likely to have very high expectations of others. Recognise this and replace them with Human expectations.”
― Steve Peters

“In the Human society, we don’t have sticks. Here, an ideal leader is the person who develops the group and encourages them. It is based on the principle that people are doing their best and if they are failing then it means they need more support, guidance or development. People prefer to be encouraged, supported and rewarded, rather than being beaten. Of course there are standards to reach and benchmarks must be set and the consequences of not reaching them clarified.”
― Steve Peters

“So if you are stuck with thoughts such as trying to keep everyone happy, always trying to impress others, always needing to get approval or worrying about what others think, then it is likely that your troop drive is out of control. Sit down and redefine your troop. Decide who is in it.”
― Steve Peters

“Achievement and satisfaction are dependent on the sense of purpose. They can come from a career, work or leisure activities.”
― Steve Peters

“Happy people learn to become their own biggest fan and accept themselves as they are and support themselves. It is a choice. Be happy by loving yourself, faults and all.”
― Steve Peters

“Beating yourself up for perceived failure, or self-loathing, is a destructive and useless waste of time and emotion. I would like you to see yourself as the person that you want to be, but the Chimp and some Gremlins are stopping you. With this understanding you can move forward by getting frustrated with the Chimp and Gremlins and not yourself, and then work on managing the Chimp and removing the Gremlins. This is far more constructive.”
― Steve Peters

“They then beat themselves up because they don’t like this aspect about themselves. In reality it is not an aspect of them at all, it is merely an out-of-control Chimp that they can learn to manage. The woman is easily capable of making decisions.”
― Steve Peters

“In reality every human being makes mistakes continually throughout life and does something silly at times. Learning to accept the fact that you are human with flaws and faults is a great relief. It means that making mistakes and errors is normal. Learning to laugh at yourself when you do something silly or when you say something amiss is part of life and being Human. I don’t know anyone who is perfect, thank goodness! Admit your mistakes and shortcomings, but do it with a smile. Also don’t be afraid to say, ‘I don’t know.”
― Steve Peters

“You can choose to look more objectively and see what you can do to improve, or accept the way that you are, with a smile. Things won’t get better by attacking and demeaning yourself. Relax and encourage yourself instead.”
― Steve Peters

“If appropriate try laughing at yourself or at the situation – it’s better than crying.”
― Steve Peters

“Some people you will never please and they will never like you and it may have nothing to do with you.”
― Steve Peters

“Be sure you have realistic expectations of yourself. Remember: the values you hold in yourself are likely to be far more important than what you look like or what you can achieve.”
― Steve Peters

“A true self-image will be based on how much you are living out your values.”
― Steve Peters

“Check that the people in your world are able to be themselves and that you are allowing them to do this without judging them by expectations that are unrealistic.”
― Steve Peters

“At times I hate myself for being so out of control.’ If Amy doesn’t understand how her mind works she ends up beating herself up and feeling bad about it. If she understands how her mind works then we have a very different scenario and interpretation. What really happened, and how it could have been interpreted more accurately, is as follows.”
― Steve Peters

“There are a number of aspects to consider when looking at ‘who you are’ and how this promotes happiness. We could consider them as a ‘being’ list. The ‘being’ list is made up of: Self-image, Self-worth, Self-esteem, Self-confidence.”
― Steve Peters

“Listen to the balanced majority who will be supportive and have constructive comments.”
― Steve Peters

“One approach to life that is guaranteed to help you to be happy is to learn to laugh at yourself and keep a sense of humour, whenever you can. Again, this is an Autopilot in the Computer of happy people; it is a learnt behaviour. If you take yourself too seriously then happiness can diminish.”
― Steve Peters

“Many people suffer emotionally because they are constantly worried about what others think of them and they would love to just live their lives and not be concerned.”
― Steve Peters

“Start with yourself and check that you are approaching the situation with realistic expectations. Be proactive and change what you can, or see if there is someone who can help and then ask them for help. If all fails, then move into AMP (Accept, Move on, Plan).”
― Steve Peters

“I am sorry that my Chimp got the better of me but I will continue to learn how to manage it and things will improve but I am certainly not going to beat myself up.”
― Steve Peters

“Laughing at yourself, or situations, is one of the most powerful ways to remove stress from the Chimp.”
― Steve Peters