John Oliver > Quotes

“France is going to endure, and I’ll tell you [ISIS people who attacked Paris ] why. If you’re in a war of culture and lifestyle with France, good fucking luck, because go ahead, bring your bankrupt ideology. They’ll bring Jean-Paul Sartre, Edith Piaf, fine wine, Camus, Camembert, madeleines, macarons, Marcel Proust and the fucking croquembouche. You just brought a philosophy of rigorous self-abnegation to a pastry fight, my friend. You are fucked.”
― John Oliver

“If you want to do something evil, put it inside something boring. Apple could put the entire text of "Mein Kampf" inside the iTunes user agreement, and you'd just go agree, agree, agree - what? - agree, agree.”
― John Oliver

“Democracy is like a tamborine - not everyone can be trusted with it.”
― John Oliver

“Believe it or not the war on Iraq is based on a sound scientific principle, The bee hive principle. Which clearly states that if you are stung by a bee, you should follow it back to its nest and then proceed to beat nest to a pulp with a baseball bat until the stripey little turd has learned its lesson.”
― John Oliver

“The German language is so sonorous, isn't it? Beautiful language...the language of poetry. Angry, angry poetry.”
― John Oliver

“Drumpf is like a Magic 8-Ball. Every time you shake him, he gives you a different answer.”
― John Oliver

“While skepticism is healthy, cynicism, real cynicism, is toxic.”
― John Oliver

“It is going to be too easy for things to start feeling normal—especially if you are someone who is not directly impacted by his actions.
So keep reminding yourself:
This is not normal.
Write it on a Post-It note and stick it on your refrigerator, hire a skywriter once a month, tattoo it on your ass.
Because a Klan-backed misogynist internet troll is going to be delivering the next State of the Union address.
And that is not normal.
It is fucked up.”
― John Oliver

“In lieu of even as you’re waiting for a major change that you think might not come, incremental change is possible and valuable.”
― John Oliver

“To insist on peaceful protest is just another way to prioritise compliance over righteous dissent and to protect property over human lives. The reality of our world is that power concedes nothing without demands, and if you just follow their rules and peacefully protest while they are free to use violence to suppress you, guess who gets what they want?”
― John Oliver