Alexandra Stockwell > Quotes

“You are both familiar with interacting in an entrenched way, and it takes time and patience to create a new culture in your relationship; a culture of curiosity, spontaneity, and depth.”
― Alexandra Stockwell MD, Uncompromising Intimacy: Turn your unfulfilling marriage into a deeply satisfying, passionate partnership

“Regardless of another person’s intent, when we are hurt, we respond by embodying one of the three roles. When we respond by playing the victim, we consciously or unconsciously want sympathy, and hope that someone will take care of us. Alternatively, we may respond by becoming angry and aggressive, striking preemptively before anyone can hurt us again. This is what happens when the role of bully or persecutor is taken. The third possibility is that we feel hurt or stressed, and respond by taking care of others, rescuing them from the difficulty, and in so doing, feed our own ego.”
― Alexandra Stockwell MD, Uncompromising Intimacy: Turn your unfulfilling marriage into a deeply satisfying, passionate partnership

“We are whole beings and when we numb ourselves, override our needs, ignore our desires, neutralize our yearnings, and withhold our truest feelings on a regular basis, we don’t have easy access to them in times of passion and intimate self-expression.”
― Alexandra Stockwell MD, Uncompromising Intimacy: Turn your unfulfilling marriage into a deeply satisfying, passionate partnership

“Conscious partnership is the path of vulnerability, openhearted curiosity without assumption, and a willingness to say the things you most want to hide. It means facing what you have been hiding from yourself first, and then once excavated, sharing it with your partner.”
― Alexandra Stockwell MD, Uncompromising Intimacy: Turn your unfulfilling marriage into a deeply satisfying, passionate partnership

“One of the most uncomplicated and straightforward ways of taking responsibility in your relationship is to implement the conclusions of research done by John Gottmann. He found that couples who are happy over the long term have a 5:1 ratio of affirming or complimentary statements to every critical one that is made.”
― Alexandra Stockwell MD, Uncompromising Intimacy: Turn your unfulfilling marriage into a deeply satisfying, passionate partnership

“Is it possible to create an amazing relationship, wherein each person grows without sacrificing important aspects of who they are? A relationship wherein together they are unquestionably more alive, more vibrant, and more true to themselves precisely because they are together? Could a relationship exist where the bond is not only rooted in raising children, shared bank accounts, and a shared address, but grounded in something much deeper? If it was possible, I knew it would mean one partner counting on the other to tell the truth, especially truths that the person wasn’t yet seeing on their own. This might mean calling out shadow qualities and feelings causing shame. However, it is just as likely that it would mean revealing unacknowledged greatness and articulating superpowers, because both kinds of qualities are typically more apparent to a woman’s partner than they are to her.”
― Alexandra Stockwell MD, Uncompromising Intimacy: Turn your unfulfilling marriage into a deeply satisfying, passionate partnership