Daniel Pinkwater > Quotes

“I went to college, but I learned to write by reading and writing.”
― Daniel Pinkwater

“Chickens have an uncanny sense of direction.”
― Daniel Manus Pinkwater, Lizard Music

“My parents believe in the principle of ‘sink or swim,’ or ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger ― or it kills you.”

From “The Education of Robert Nifkin”
― Daniel Manus Pinkwater

“Trust me, there is no formula for most things that are not math.”
― Daniel Pinkwater

“The Story of the Rabbit and the Eggplant

Once there was a race between a rabbit and an eggplant. Now, the eggplant, as you know, is a member of the vegetable kingdom, and the rabbit is a very fast animal.

Everybody bet lots of money on the eggplant, thinking that if a vegetable challenges a live animal with four legs to a race, then it must be that the vegetable knows something.

People expected the eggplant to win the race by some clever trick of philosophy. The race was started, and there was a lot of cheering. The rabbit streaked out of sight.

The eggplant just sat there at the starting line. Everybody knew that in some surprising way the eggplant would wind up winning the race.

Nothing of the sort happened. Eventually, the rabbit crossed the finish line and the eggplant hadn’t moved an inch.

The spectators ate the eggplant.

Moral: Never bet on an eggplant.”
― Daniel Pinkwater, Borgel

“Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Eat pudding. Books are good. Eat pudding. If kids read a lot. Eat pudding. They'll get so they can think clearly. Eat pudding. And if enough kids read and think. Eat pudding. We will have world peace. Eat pudding. Thank you very much. Eat pudding.”
― Daniel Pinkwater, Fish Whistle: Little Short Essays by Daniel Pinkwater

“Ignorance is nothing to be ashamed of—until you find out you've got it. Once you realize you're ignorant, if you don't do something about it, then you have the right to feel ashamed.”
― Daniel Pinkwater, Alan Mendelsohn, The Boy from Mars

“The activities of these parasites and degenerates gave rise to Cubism, Fauvism, Futurism, Pointillism, Constructivism, Orphism, Surrealism, Dada, and also Impossibleism, Supersurrealism, Dynamic Double-Dog Realism, Ishkabibbleism, and Mama, which is like Dada only nicer.”
― Daniel Pinkwater

“Incidentally, I don't know how late you were planning to stay, but there is an excellent film this evening The Snake Pit. It's a wonderful comedy. I've seen it several times.”
― Daniel Manus Pinkwater, Adventures of a Cat-Whiskered Girl

“I mean-- no offense, Leonard, but you really don't like to climb ropes, and get into the Marine Corps, and kill your countriy's enemies, do you?"

I said that it wasn't one of the big goals of my life.

"Well, maybe you'd like me to get you into this corrective gym class, where you can study toe dancing, and grow up to be a little Commie, sissy boy," Mr. Jerris said.

I told him I would like that just fine…”
― Daniel Pinkwater

“The difference between that man and me," Alan Mendelsohn said, "is that I am a connoisseur, and he is a fanatic.”
― Daniel Pinkwater, Alan Mendelsohn, The Boy from Mars

“My house is me and I am it. My house is where I like to be and it looks like all my dreams," Mr. Plumbean said.
- The Big Orange Splot”
― Daniel Manus Pinkwater

“the standard Chicago hot dog comes with everything you need to sustain life . . . until the bright green pickle relish catches up with you and you die.”
― Daniel Pinkwater, Bushman Lives!

“Of course, an unchanged mind is a little like unchanged underwear. It tends to get unattractive even to the person whose mind or underwear it is.”
― Daniel Pinkwater, Fish Whistle: Little Short Essays by Daniel Pinkwater

“He was ugly, in a nice way.”
― Daniel Pinkwater, Guys from Space

“I ask the reader- is there any reason to believe that these idiots will fail to blow up the world?

The answer is: Only by accident will the present power elite, in this country and others, fail to blow up the world.”
― Daniel Pinkwater, Young Adults

“It's rough being without a librarian for a whole month, isn't it?" Starr Lackawanna said.

"Yes!" we all said.”
― Daniel Pinkwater, The Artsy Smartsy Club

“The thing about Laurel and Hardy movies that you can't get from the chopped-up versions on television is how beautiful they are. Things happen exactly at the moment they have to happen. They don't happen a second too soon or too late. You can even predict what's going to happen—and it does happen—and it surprises you anyway. It doesn't surprise you because it happened, but because it happened so perfectly.”
― Daniel Pinkwater, The Snarkout Boys & The Avocado of Death

“what planet is this?" I asked.
"Who knows? Some planet," the guys from space said. "Let's get out and look around."
"How do you know if there is air on this planet?" I asked.
"If there is no air, you can't breathe," the space guys said.
"Then what?" I asked.
"Then we run back into the spaceship and close the door," the guys from space said.
"How about wild animals and bad people?" I asked.
"Same thing. We run back inside."
"It sounds simple."
"We are space guys. We know what we're doing.”
― Daniel Pinkwater, Guys from Space

“My house is me and I am it and it looks like all my dreams". - the Big Orange Splot”
― Daniel Pinkwater

“By the end of the third day, I hated it. I hated it with all my heart. Nothing was going to change. The only thing I was learning was that boredom can hurt like physical pain, like wearing an iron hat, like sandpaper clothes, like being crushed under a big stone.”
― Daniel Pinkwater, The Education of Robert Nifkin

“He left out that he did not simply go to war--he had to be dragged kicking and screaming. He said that it was not that he was afraid--just that seeming to agree with such a thing would suggest one hadn't given it any thought.”
― Daniel Pinkwater, Bushman Lives!

“... We want to go home. We want to tell our people."
"You want to tell them about root beer and ice cream."
"Yes! Our people will like it. We will be heroes.”
― Daniel Pinkwater, Guys from Space

“Only by accident will the present power elite, in this country and others, fail to blow up the world. Is there any hope? There is only this: The people under discussion tend to do most things by accident.”
― Daniel Pinkwater, Young Adults

“I believe it is impossible to make sense of life in this world except through art.”
― Daniel Pinkwater, The Artsy Smartsy Club

“He was explaining how capitalism is bad--and I could see he had a point, but at the same time, I got the feeling that socialism or communism, or whatever he's selling, is probably just as bad, and the problem is human beings can ruin anything, even if it's a good idea to begin with.”
― Daniel Pinkwater, Bushman Lives!

“I have to remind myself that I've always known this: Evolution is not for everybody.”
― Daniel Pinkwater

“I changed his name after I saw this old movie at the Snark. It's called Nosferatu, and it's the original Dracula story. It's ten times as scary as the version you see on television. The guy who plays the vampire is really bizarre.”
― Daniel Pinkwater, The Snarkout Boys & The Avocado of Death

“It doesn't matter who you are, or what you've done, or think you can do. There's a confrontation with destiny awaiting you. Somewhere, there is a chile you cannot eat.”
― Daniel Pinkwater