Sam Pink > Quotes

“My ideal date would involve painful silence. My ideal date wouldn't involve me.”
― Sam Pink, I Am Going to Clone Myself Then Kill the Clone and Eat It

“And I saw my reflection in a lake and I waited for it to freeze a little bit so I could break it with my boot.”
― Sam Pink, I Am Going to Clone Myself Then Kill the Clone and Eat It

“And I lie down on your carpet so long that you think I will stay forever but I get up and I see the indentation in the carpet and I get jealous and say, "I am no longer needed here.”
― Sam Pink, I Am Going to Clone Myself Then Kill the Clone and Eat It

“And I realize that there is nothing to worry about without first wanting to be alive a certain way.
That is somewhat relaxing to think.”
― Sam Pink, Person

“If I ever find a dead horse, I am going to beat the fucking shit out of it.”
― Sam Pink, I Am Going to Clone Myself Then Kill the Clone and Eat It

“I walk down the hallway and go into my room and call it a day and it calls me something else.”
― Sam Pink, Person

“My history is the history of things imagined and not-happened.”
― Sam Pink, Person

“And I know different methods of self-destruction but none as intense as sitting still by myself.”
― Sam Pink, I Am Going to Clone Myself Then Kill the Clone and Eat It

“from the poem Holographic Personality Disgrace:

Some people are such assholes that saying, "Look, again, I'm sorry I cut off my thumb and glued it to your baby's head because I thought you'd like him better as a unicorn" means nothing to them.”
― Sam Pink

“My brother said something, but I’d been distracted by a nice flower in someone’s back yard.
Wanted to pick it for my girlfriend.
Then I realized she might be sad I killed it.
Seemed like something she’d get sad about.
Maybe not.
I could just say, “Here, I killed this for you.”
As in, “Of course I would kill something for you.”
As in, “Everything is potentially your gift.”
― Sam Pink, Rontel

“i am proud of my ability to be mean to myself, so i feel like i am not interested in protecting myself and maybe that’s a friendly quality because i don’t want to be a liar to people. i think the phrase “i am not important, so be nice” all the time.
- from "Sam Pink Is the Dictator – An Interview with Sam Pink”
― Sam Pink

“My roommate knocks on my door and I try not to move.
My heart is beating fast.
He knocks again and then leaves.
I win.
This is but one of the many victories I have exampled as a human among humans.
I have no equals.
My strength is unmatched.”
― Sam Pink, Person

“I don't know if I should judge myself based on what I can accept or what I can't accept but I do know that I always dislike where I am and then look back on where I was with sadness because it is gone.
(That's means I am worthless and it's my fault.”
― Sam Pink, Person

“It seems I keep track of opportunities I will never have more than focusing on ones I do have and could have.”
― Sam Pink, Person

“Not quite a piece of shit myself, but the streak for sure. For sure the area the shit passes over and leaves behind parts of itself.”
― Sam Pink, Person

“There should be a word for what happens when you begin to ruin a feeling by saying it.”
― Sam Pink, Person

“I realize every specific thing I worry about is nothing compared to the main worry I have which never has an object.”
― Sam Pink, Person

“Sometimes I definitely feel a sense of accomplishment but it’s never after accomplishing something.”
― Sam Pink, Person

“Three days ago, I was fired from my job teaching at a college because one of my students
bet me that you don’t cum when you get a prostate exam and it took me seven minutes
to prove that dumb fucking kid wrong. It was hard to touch my own prostate, but
ultimately, I was correct. I came onto the floor and onto the person in the desk up front.
I said, “Kids, that is what is known as ‘empirical evidence’.”
― Sam Pink, Dragons With Cancer

“from the poem: MANNEQUINS THAT SWEAT BLACK INK AND NEVER HAVE ANY FUN

If you put a twizzler in your ear it looks like your ear is vomiting blood.”
― Sam Pink

“I entertain the idea that if my present life is the punishment for a former life, then I would never want to meet myself as the self of this former life.”
― Sam Pink, Person

“You aren't sure whether you have feelings or not but that's all part of the shrug you have performed in slow motion for your entire life so far.”
― Sam Pink, You Hear Ambulance Sounds And Think They Are For You

“We drive away.
I don't know what time it is at all, like even within an hour.
And I'm thinking a thought that is something like, "Be thankful for what's left of you.”
― Sam Pink, Person

“My roommate sits on the couch doing something on his laptop computer and I look at a half-filled coffee cup on the livingroom floor while I balance on one leg, left boot going on. Staring at the halffilled coffee cup keeps me from falling. Thank you for being there for me, halffilled coffee cup. I appreciate you, you silly fuck.”
― Sam Pink, Person

“And I can see either accepting everything that happens, or accepting none, but in between I lose hope.”
― Sam Pink, Person

“If I ever find a dead horse, I'm going to beat the fucking shit out of it.”
― Sam Pink, I Am Going to Clone Myself Then Kill the Clone and Eat It

“Life like two broken hands trying to pick flowers for someone you really like.”
― Sam Pink, Your Glass Head against the Brick Parade of Now Whats

“And I realized that part of my problem was I visibly resembled an adult. But never became one.”
― Sam Pink, Rontel

“I haven’t slept in two days so I feel tired now, lying on my sleeping bag. My feet are very cold but I am ok. In the long transition to sleep I entertain a complex paranoia about a group of people who will be assigned to review each action I have taken throughout my life. And once dead, I’ll meet them in council. There will be a group assigned to review my “thank-yous said” to “those not said.” There will be a group assigned to review every face I’ve made just after waking up. There will be a group assigned to review how I treated people who asked me for help. And a group assigned to review the times I felt bad but didn’t tell anyone. A group assigned to review the times I deliberately threw crayons into the small fan my third grade bus driver positioned by his face. And a group assigned to review bugs I needlessly stepped on. A group for this nap I’m taking too. And in the paranoia, I see myself getting dressed-up to go before them and answer questions. I’m very nervous before each council but I try to be brave. “This nap you took—” someone says. “Yes?” A mean-looking woman in the middle of the panel, she clasps her hands together and she says, “Tell us about this nap.” When I wake up, one of my legs is numb. And I remain awake in my sleeping bag, staring at the blinds until the black behind gets more blue, then lighter blue, then white. Sometimes I definitely feel a sense of accomplishment but it’s never after accomplishing something.”
― Sam Pink, Person

“You have never approved of yourself so you bother other people to do it.”
― Sam Pink, You Hear Ambulance Sounds And Think They Are For You