Jan Stewart > Quotes

“I never thought I would live with fear in my own house. But when I came home and found my seven-year-old, Ainsley, barefoot and sobbing in the snow, I died inside. Her nine-year-old brother, Andrew, was having a rage, screaming as if he was possessed. He was punching holes in walls, ranting and swearing. His eyes were on fire. This usual gentle, loving boy had become a terrifying monster.”
― Jan Stewart, Hold on Tight: A Parent's Journey Raising Children with Mental Illness

“Many people have tried to be gracious and have told us that our children are a special gift. I have heard this cliché many times. It’s utter garbage in my view. There is no question that our children are special. Yes, their issues have made me more understanding and have propelled me to become involved in advocacy and outreach. But both children face serious, sometimes heartbreaking, issues every day. Their fight never ends. Who would want their children to have to continually negotiate adversity?”
― Jan Stewart, Hold on Tight: A Parent's Journey Raising Children with Mental Illness

“Andrew got down on all fours on the subway and licked the filthy floor. He brought home garbage and hoarded it under his bed. He put knives in his mouth in order to “feel them”. If he woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, he continued to engage in rituals, tapping my shoulder 14 times, even though he was half asleep. The rituals seemed to change weekly. He knew that they made no sense but he couldn’t stop and they took over his life. He was in deep emotional pain and kept pleading to be “normal” again. I desperately wanted to make his pain disappear.”
― Jan Stewart, Hold on Tight: A Parent's Journey Raising Children with Mental Illness