Vanessa Patrick > Quotes

“By saying no, we put ourselves at risk of social isolation and abandonment by our group. Cooperation is a rewarded behavior, but refusal is not.”
― Vanessa Patrick, The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No that Puts You in Charge of Your Life

“O powerful Goodness! bountiful Father! merciful Guide! Increase in me that wisdom which discovers my truest interest. Strengthen my resolution to perform what that wisdom dictates. Accept my kind offices to Thy other children as the only return in my power for Thy continual favors to me.”1 This is the morning mantra that set the tone for Benjamin Franklin’s day for most of his adult life.”
― Vanessa Patrick, The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No that Puts You in Charge of Your Life

“Avoid powerless words like can’t, shouldn’t, or oughtn’t that signal deprivation, loss of control, and even helplessness”
― Vanessa Patrick, The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No that Puts You in Charge of Your Life

“Apple’s Steve Jobs believed that “focusing is about saying ‘no’ to things”. Oprah has emphasized that “no is a complete sentence.” Former UK Prime Minister Tony Blair opined that “the art of leadership is saying no.” And Berkshire Hathaway’s Warren Buffett has said, “We need to learn the slow ‘yes’ and the quick ‘no.”
― Vanessa Patrick, The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No that Puts You in Charge of Your Life

“Despite this plethora of advice about the need to say no, there is no systematic and proven way that demonstrates how to say no in a way that maintains your relationships, secures your reputation, and does not invite pushback from the asker.”
― Vanessa Patrick, The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No that Puts You in Charge of Your Life

“This initial groundwork will lead us to the solution I propose: empowered refusal.”
― Vanessa Patrick, The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No that Puts You in Charge of Your Life

“Author and podcaster Ryan Hawk often mentions that he does not set goals; he simply puts processes in place and sets up procedures to get things done and then goes about doing them.”
― Vanessa Patrick, The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No that Puts You in Charge of Your Life

“Why We Say Yes When We Want to Say No”
― Vanessa Patrick, The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No that Puts You in Charge of Your Life

“I can’t say no to things even when they don’t benefit me.”
― Vanessa Patrick, The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No that Puts You in Charge of Your Life

“Women need to exercise their “agentic muscles” to assert themselves with less hesitation and get more comfortable advocating for themselves with empowerment, banishing feelings of fear and guilt.”
― Vanessa Patrick, The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No that Puts You in Charge of Your Life

“There Is No Upside to the Reluctant Yes”
― Vanessa Patrick, The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No that Puts You in Charge of Your Life

“The Western novel writer Louis L’Amour observed that, “The thing to remember when traveling is that the trail is the thing, not the end of the trail. Travel too fast and you miss all that you are traveling for.”
― Vanessa Patrick, The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No that Puts You in Charge of Your Life

“One half of the clients were given empowered refusal training using scripts like, “I don’t make decisions to buy without advance planning,” “I never buy a subscription without consulting my family,” or “I won’t be purchasing any magazines today.”
― Vanessa Patrick, The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No that Puts You in Charge of Your Life

“Practice using powerful “standing up” words like don’t or won’t to communicate your refusal and connote determination, commitment, control, and empowerment”
― Vanessa Patrick, The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No that Puts You in Charge of Your Life

“accommodate others even when it is inconvenient to me. I have noticed that I have a strong need to please others. I am what you would call a “people pleaser.” I have a hard time ending a meeting or conversation when I want. I’d rather lie than face disapproval or rejection of certain people.”
― Vanessa Patrick, The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No that Puts You in Charge of Your Life

“The research finds that speaking to ourselves other than in the first-person distances us psychologically and gives us more perspective—very much as if it is someone else were speaking to us.13 This calms us down and allows us to better handle anxiety-provoking social situations.”
― Vanessa Patrick, The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No that Puts You in Charge of Your Life

“Some research suggests that testosterone can simultaneously enhance agency and weaken communality, which might help to explain the difference in relative importance placed by men vs. women on agency vs. communion.41”
― Vanessa Patrick, The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No that Puts You in Charge of Your Life

“a lot of people (in my experience) take on many (unpleasant and inconvenient) tasks out of a sense of duty and responsibility.”
― Vanessa Patrick, The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No that Puts You in Charge of Your Life

“A successful businesswoman and consultant, let’s call her Linda, shared with me that her tendency to be “nice” led to her reputation as a pushover. Her colleagues would often point people in her direction saying, “Ask Linda. She will definitely say yes.”24 This is not the reputation you want for yourself!”
― Vanessa Patrick, The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No that Puts You in Charge of Your Life

“Social norms are the “rules or standards that are understood by members of a group, that guide and/or constrain behavior without the force of laws.”
― Vanessa Patrick, The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No that Puts You in Charge of Your Life

“Across the board, the people who said no to things they did not want to do felt more happy, powerful, content, proud, and in control than did those who said yes when they wanted to say no.”
― Vanessa Patrick, The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No that Puts You in Charge of Your Life

“I get it; to say no and still maintain a positive relationship with the asker while simultaneously securing your reputation can feel like an impossible task. But I hope that it is something you will learn to achieve through this book by mastering the art of empowered refusal.”
― Vanessa Patrick, The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No that Puts You in Charge of Your Life

“I Don’t” vs. “I Can’t” as Self-Talk”
― Vanessa Patrick, The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No that Puts You in Charge of Your Life

“By all means, you do need to manage your reputation and care about your relationships with others, but not at the cost of your own happiness and well-being.”
― Vanessa Patrick, The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No that Puts You in Charge of Your Life

“This latter bias is called the self-as-target bias and might well explain the sudden onset of stomach pains or headaches when we want to avoid a class or a meeting for which we are not prepared.”
― Vanessa Patrick, The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No that Puts You in Charge of Your Life

“The spotlight effect phenomenon is an egocentric bias in which people tend to believe that they are being noticed more than they really are.”
― Vanessa Patrick, The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No that Puts You in Charge of Your Life

“Throughout the book, you will learn that empowered refusal is not only about saying no to others, but also about saying no to yourself.”
― Vanessa Patrick, The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No that Puts You in Charge of Your Life

“The other half were given disempowering scripts that used powerless language like, “I can’t make decisions to buy without advance planning,” “I shouldn’t buy a subscription without consulting my family,” or “I am not able to purchase any magazines today.”
― Vanessa Patrick, The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No that Puts You in Charge of Your Life

“A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words…the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.”
― Vanessa Patrick, The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No that Puts You in Charge of Your Life

“With this raw material, you can craft an empowered refusal response that is tailor-made for you to work for the situations that you have to navigate and the people that you will likely encounter in your unique circumstances”
― Vanessa Patrick, The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No that Puts You in Charge of Your Life