Debra Jay > Quotes

“We need to do things differently beginning now. If you are a family member or friend who loves a person who has an addiction, you know the nightmare. There is the nightmare of refusing treatment. There is the nightmare of not staying in treatment. There is the nightmare of not staying sober after treatment. This list doesn’t even begin to include the many losses, the fear, the worry, the desolation.
Professionals alone cannot do the job. We clearly see this truth all around us. Getting the job done requires a resource that has long been relegated to the sidelines, given no meaningful role to play in the treatment and recovery journey. This resource, as it turns out, is the most important one of all—the family.”
― Debra Jay, Love First: A Family's Guide to Intervention

“Coming together takes the powerless and makes them powerful. Structured Family Recovery brings this power to the family and, in co- operation with the larger recovery community, stands firm in the face of addiction, which trespassed into our homes and multiplied itself into our lives. We crowd addiction out by building a family life brim- ming with togetherness and recovery, even though we may start out not knowing our way back to each other.”
― Debra Jay, It Takes A Family: A Cooperative Approach to Lasting Sobriety

“Families in crisis have wrongly been labeled dysfunctional families. Families are not the problem—they are the opportunity. When we understand ourselves as the opportunity, we see our world with a new vision. We dare to hope for our dreams to materialize. We imagine once again what it will be like to be happy”
― Debra Jay, Love First: A Family's Guide to Intervention

“Families in crisis have wrongly been labeled dysfunctional families. Families are not the problem—they are the opportunity. When we understand ourselves as the opportunity, we see our world with a new vision. We dare to hope for our dreams to materialize. We imagine once again what it will be like to be happy.”
― Debra Jay, Love First

“Perfectionists are working not to improve the world but to keep it under control. They do everything perfectly not for the satisfaction of a job well done but as a way of camouflaging addiction’s presence in the family. By keeping everything orderly, they’re trying to make the disease less noticeable. They work tirelessly to create a perfect family life but are rarely cognizant of what motivates their obsession. Through their eyes, perfectionism is their finest quality. It’s the way they provide the ones they love with the very best. They have no idea that perfectionism is an outgrowth of fear and that it’s more about looking happy than being happy. The compulsion to have the cleanest house, cook the best meals, plant the perfect garden, and always look perfectly coiffed is, for the perfectionist, a way to stay safe. After all, when the house is well kept, the children are properly dressed, and everyone has good manners, how can”
― Debra Jay, No More Letting Go: The Spirituality of Taking Action Against Alcoholism and Drug Addiction

“78 percent never have a single relapse. Less than 15 percent have one relapse but not a second. And those with more than one relapse? A whopping 7 percent.”
― Debra Jay, It Takes A Family: A Cooperative Approach to Lasting Sobriety

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”
― Debra Jay, It Takes a Family: Creating Lasting Sobriety, Togetherness, and Happiness

“It is the magnificence of the loved one, not the addiction, that inspires everything we do.”
― Debra Jay, It Takes a Family: Creating Lasting Sobriety, Togetherness, and Happiness

“Recovery is about changing behaviors, which leads to changes in thinking. It’s about positive spirituality—honesty and willingness and letting go of resentments. It’s about taking a fearless look at one’s self and the wrongs of the past. It’s about cleaning house and making amends. Recovery is about more than abstinence; it’s about becoming the kind of person who can engage in healthy relationships.”
― Debra Jay, It Takes a Family: Creating Lasting Sobriety, Togetherness, and Happiness