JohnA Passaro > Quotes

“Life is like a train ride.

The passengers on the train are seemingly going to the same destination as you, but based on their belief in you or their belief that the train will get them to their desired destination they will stay on the ride or they will get off somewhere during the trip.

People can and will get off at any stop.

Just know that where people get off is more of an reflection on them, than it is on you.

There will be a few people in your life that will make the whole trip with you, who believe in you, accept that you are human and that mistakes will be made along the way, and that you will get to your desired destination - together, no matter what.

Be very grateful of these people.

They are rare and when you find one, don't let go of them - ever.

Be blessed for the ones who get on at the worst stops when no one is there.

Remember those people, they are special.

Always hold them dear to your heart.

Be very wary of people sneaking on at certain stops when things are going good and acting like they have been there for the whole ride.

For they will be the first to depart.

There will be ones who secretly try to get off the ride and there will be those that very publicly will jump off.

Don't pay any heed to the defectors.

Pay heed to the passengers that are still on the trip.

They are the important ones.

If someone tries to get back on the train - don't be angry or hold a grudge, let them.

Just see where they are around the next hard turn.

If they are buckled in - accept them.

If they are pulling the hand rail alarm again - then let them off the train freely and waste no space in your head for them again, ever.

There will be times that the train will be moving slow, at almost a crawls pace.

Appreciate that you can take in the view.

There will be times where the train is going so fast that everything is a blur.

Enjoy the sense of speed in your life, as it is exhilarating but unsustainable.

There will also be the chance that the train derails.

If that does happen, it will hurt, a lot, for a long time.

But there will be people who will appear out of no where who will get you back on track.

Those will be the people that will matter most in your life.

Love them forever.

For you can never repay these people.

The thing is, that even if you could repay them, they wouldn't accept it anyway.

Just pay it forward.

Eventually your train will get to its final stop and you will need to deboard.

At that time you will realize that life is about the journey AND the destination.

Know and have faith that at the end of your ride your train will have the right passengers on board and all the passengers that were on board at one time or another were there for a distinct purpose.

Enjoy the ride.”
― JohnA Passaro

“There is a club in this world that you do not join knowingly.

One day you are just a member.

It is “The life changing events club.”

The fee to join the club is hurt beyond belief, payable in full, up front for a lifetime membership.

The benefit of the club is a new found perspective on life, and a deep understanding that you may not be happy about your current situation, but you can be happy in your current situation.

The only rule to the club is that you cannot tell anyone that you are a member.

The club does not provide a directory of its members, but when you look into a member’s eye, you can tell that they too are part of the club. Members are allowed to exchange that brief eye contact that says: “I didn’t know.”

Being a member of this club is the last thing that anyone initially wants in their life.

Being a member of this club is the best thing that ever happens to a person in their life, and there is not a person in the club that would ever give up their membership.

If you really look and know what you are looking for you can spot the clubs members; they are the ones that provide a random act of kindness and do something for someone who can never repay them for what they have done. They are the people spreading joy and optimism and lifting people’s spirits even when their own heart has been broken.

I have paid my dues; my lifetime membership arrived today, not by mail, but by a deep inner feeling that I cannot describe.

It is the best club that I never wanted to be part of.

But I am glad that I am a member.”
― John Passaro, 6 Minutes Wrestling With Life

“The best thing you can say to someone going through a tragic loss is not that

"It's going to be alright"

It is:
"Hold on tight because this is going to hurt like hell".”
― JohnA Passaro

“I drop kindness pebbles in still water everyday, and I watch the effect they have on other people’s lives.

My favorite kindness pebbles are compliments.

Drop a compliment and watch the ripple affect that it has in your life.”
― JohnA Passaro, Again

“It is at this moment that I realize the best thing I ever did in my life was to marry this woman.

She is willing to give up her life for her child. I know most parents would do the same. But how many mothers would give up everything that they love, everything that they will ever be able to do in the future for the “possibility and not the guarantee” of getting their child better.

Now reduce the odds of success to less than 1%.

How many mothers are still standing?

She is.”
― John Passaro, 6 Minutes Wrestling With Life

“In some aspects losing a child is like a wall, but instead of getting over it, you must carry the wall with you, wherever you go, for as long as you live.

The wall is immovable.

You can’t go anywhere until you learn to move the wall.

You are just stuck in the same place, forever.

You can tug and tug all you want, there are days that the wall will not move.

And there are days that it moves ever so slightly.

Over time I have realized that in order to move forward, knowing that I must bring this wall with me, that the best way to do so is to metaphorically flood the soil near the wall with water, and have the wall float with me, instead of me having to carry it.

Every act of love and kindness turns to water.

Water and love can penetrate and move anything.

It just takes time.

I need to turn my wall into a raft.”
― John A. Passaro, Again

“Sometimes life is your opponent and just showing up is a victory.”
― John Passaro, In the Zone and Other Sports Essays

“If you had one last breath - what would you say?

If you had one hour to use your limbs before you would lose the use of them forever - would you sit there on the coach?

If you knew that you wouldn't see tomorrow who would you make amends with?

If you knew you had only an hour left on this earth - what would be so pressing that you just had to do it, say it, or see it?

Well there is something that I can guarantee - that one day you will have one day, one hour and one breath left.

Just make sure that before that day that you have said, done and experienced everything that you dream of doing now.

Do it now - that is what today is for.

So pick up the phone and call an old friend that you have fallen out of touch with.

Get out and run a mile and use your body and sweat.

Seek out someone in your life to say your sorry to. Seek someone In your life that you need to thank. Seek someone in your life that you need to express your feelings of love to.

Then when that day comes you will be ok with it all.”
― John Passaro

“Just imagine what would have happened if Michael Jordan quit after getting cut from his High School Basketball team?”
― John A. Passaro

“Just do the next right thing.

Then repeat indefinitely.”
― John Passaro, 6 Minutes Wrestling With Life

“I love my mother.

My mother loves my dad.

Those two facts are undeniable.

I want my father to live.
I want him to fight to live as long as he can.

My mother wants to let him pass.
She does not want him suffering anymore.

She says that I am not there in the middle of the night at home, when he begs her to let him die.

I say that he should not be taking the medicine that the doctor is prescribing, that it made Mike Tyson want to eat his opponents young.”
― John Passaro, 6 Minutes Wrestling With Life

“It has taken me four years to figure this out.

If we live long enough, we all will experience this.

Don’t ever predetermine how you think that you should feel on an anniversary of a tragic event in your life, such as a death of a loved one, or on a holiday after such an event.

Each year starts out with 365 days, and I will be damned if I am giving up even one of them to misery.”
― John Passaro

“There is an open circle.”

This mantra is what my high school coaches would say to me during wrestling practice when they knew that I was physically exhausted and was about to rest for a moment. There was an open circle on the wrestling mat, and if I was interested I could get out there and do more.

“There is an open circle.”

Meaning there is still more that you could do. Don’t rest now; this is where the difference is made. To work when you are mentally and physically exhausted gets you to the next level.

“There is an open circle.”
― John Passaro

“Today is not the real Father's Day.
It is the man made version.
The real Father's Day are the other 364 other days of the year that I get to see my boys grow into men and my girls grow into ladies and feel I had a slight part of the people that they turned out to be.

Not a better feeling in the world.

With every life lesson taught, half of which are understood at the time, and the other half that are understood after I am told to stop being ridiculous - EVERYDAY is Father's Day.

And I wouldn't trade it for the world. Good and bad.

I can honestly say there is no feeling on earth, like being a father and a dad.”
― John A. Passaro

“I need to dream.

I need to believe.

I need to know that I have some control in my life.

That if I work hard, that I will be rewarded.

That life is not arbitrary.

I need to believe that bad things happen to good people, for a greater reason.

That dedication, sacrifice, hard work, discipline are all worthy attributes that will eventually produce extraordinary results.

That if I live a certain lifestyle, that my family will be better for that.

That there is a direct link between my actions and my results.

That If I prepare properly that I can face the insurmountable foe and look him in the eye and say “Bring it on, I can take whatever you can dish out.”

I need to keep living in order to save my daughter from dying.”
― John Passaro, 6 Minutes Wrestling With Life

“We spend 8 hours a day, for 10 months a year, for nearly 17 years sending our kids to school to prepare them for life.

In all of that time there is never a course in overcoming adversity, goal setting, sacrifice, perseverance, teammates, or family.

I guess that's what wrestling is for.”
― John A. Passaro

“You see twenty-six years ago, when I was in high school, my goal and mission in life was to win a New York State Wrestling Championship.

I committed myself to a lifestyle, made the sacrifices, put in the time, starved myself, shaved my head, had the hunger, desire and determination, but I came up short.

For many years, after I graduated it seemed like I got nothing out of my six years of total dedication to the sport. That the trade off of what I gave and what I got in return to this sport was way out of whack.

I hated wrestling for it.

To put every ounce of your soul into achieving something and to get nothing out of it in return was beyond my comprehension and could not be justified in my head.

Until I had adversity in my life.

And slowly but surely I started realizing how much the sport of wrestling actually has given back to me. Much more than I ever knew.

When life throws you to your back, you need to know how not to get pinned, get off of your back and do enough to make up the difference in order to win.”
― John Passaro, 6 Minutes Wrestling With Life

“Yesterday while I was on the side of the mat next to some wrestlers who were warming up for their next match, I found myself standing side by side next to an extraordinary wrestler.
He was warming up and he had that look of desperation on his face that wrestlers get when their match is about to start and their coach is across the gym coaching on another mat in a match that is already in progress.
“Hey do you have a coach.” I asked him.

“He's not here right now.” He quietly answered me ready to take on the task of wrestling his opponent alone.

“Would you mind if I coached you?”

His face tilted up at me with a slight smile and said. “That would be great.”
Through the sounds of whistles and yelling fans I heard him ask me what my name was.

“My name is John.” I replied.

“Hi John, I am Nishan” he said while extending his hand for a handshake.
He paused for a second and then he said to me: “John I am going to lose this match”.

He said that as if he was preparing me so I wouldn’t get hurt when my coaching skills didn’t work magic with him today.

I just said, “Nishan - No score of a match will ever make you a winner. You are already a winner by stepping onto that mat.”
With that he just smiled and slowly ran on to the mat, ready for battle, but half knowing what the probable outcome would be.
When you first see Nishan you will notice that his legs are frail - very frail. So frail that they have to be supported by custom made, form fitted braces to help support and straighten his limbs.

Braces that I recognize all to well.

Some would say Nishan has a handicap.

I say that he has a gift.

To me the word handicap is a word that describes what one “can’t do”.

That doesn’t describe Nishan.

Nishan is doing.
The word “gift” is a word that describes something of value that you give to others.
And without knowing it, Nishan is giving us all a gift.
I believe Nishan’s gift is inspiration.
The ability to look the odds in the eye and say “You don’t pertain to me.”
The ability to keep moving forward.
Perseverance.
A “Whatever it takes” attitude.
As he predicted, the outcome of his match wasn’t great.
That is, if the only thing you judge a wrestling match by is the actual score. Nishan tried as hard as he could, but he couldn’t overcome the twenty-six pound weight difference that he was giving up to his opponent on this day in order to compete. You see, Nishan weighs only 80 pounds and the lowest weight class in this tournament was 106. Nishan knew he was spotting his opponent 26 pounds going into every match on this day. He wrestled anyway.
I never did get the chance to ask him why he wrestles, but if I had to guess I would say, after watching him all day long, that Nishan wrestles for the same reasons that we all wrestle for.
We wrestle to feel alive, to push ourselves to our mental, physical and emotional limits - levels we never knew we could reach.
We wrestle to learn to use 100% of what we have today in hopes that our maximum today will be our minimum tomorrow. We wrestle to measure where we started from, to know where we are now, and to plan on getting where we want to be in the future. We wrestle to look the seemingly insurmountable opponent right in the eye and say, “Bring it on. - I can take whatever you can dish out.”
Sometimes life is your opponent and just showing up is a victory.
You don't need to score more points than your opponent in order to accomplish that.

No Nishan didn’t score more points than any of his opponents on this day, that would have been nice, but I don’t believe that was the most important thing to Nishan. Without knowing for sure - the most important thing to him on this day was to walk with pride like a wrestler up to a thirty two foot circle, have all eyes from the crowd on him, to watch him compete one on one against his opponent - giving it all that he had. That is what competition is all about. Most of the times in wrestlin”
― John A. Passaro

“Be grateful.

Not Hateful.”
― John Passaro

“I guarantee that tomorrow there will be something that will happen, that has never happened before.

That is something to look forward too.

And the best part of tomorrow is that there is another one just a day later.”
― John Passaro

“There was no way possible that I was going to have a life and not live it.”
― John Passaro, 6 Minutes Wrestling With Life

“I am noticing a big difference in the way the hospital workers are looking at me as I approach Jess’s room.

The look of sincere sympathy that used to be on their faces when they made eye contact with me is gone.

It has been replaced by shear helplessness as they quickly walk past me with their heads tilted down and to the right.

I feel like Bud Fox walking into his office with the Securities and Exchange Commission awaiting him.”
― John Passaro, 6 Minutes Wrestling With Life

“When your dreams are big enough the odds just don't matter.”
― John Passaro

“A diagnosis is not a prognosis unless you let it be.”
― John Passaro

“When the zone calls, you must listen.

You never know how long being in the zone lasts.

It is a cardinal rule - you must take advantage of every second that you are in the zone.”
― John Passaro, In the Zone and Other Sports Essays

“Mr. Passaro, let me teach you about how medicine works.” He starts out.

“One of two things is going to happen. Either the Doctors are going to say I told you so, or they are going to say that Jess was the exception. What you believe will determine who gets to say I told you so to whom.”

“Never stop believing.” He begs me.

“Doctor, you are on the team”. I say.

He smiles.”
― John Passaro, 6 Minutes Wrestling With Life

“The fulfillment of your dreams lies within you and you alone.

When you understand and accept this then nothing, or no one can deny you greatness.”
― John Passaro

“My original fear that my daughter was going to die before BettyJane and myself has now been replaced with the fear that she is going to outlive us.”
― John Passaro, 6 Minutes Wrestling With Life

“There is something special about baseball that goes far deeper than being a game. It is the father-son relationship that is built, the life lessons that are taught in the process of playing a game and the ability to overcome not succeeding all of the time and still considering yourself a success.”
― John Passaro, In the Zone and Other Sports Essays

“There will never be "the right time" in your life to do a great thing.

You must create that time and greatness will follow.”
― John A. Passaro