Larry David > Quotes

“You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people and assholes.”
― Larry David

“Pretty good. Pretttttttty, pretttttttttty, pretttttty good.”
― Larry David

“You can't do anything in life. The social barriers in life are so intense and horrific that every encounter is just fraught with so many problems and dread. Every social situation is a potential nightmare.”
― Larry David

“When I was living in New York and didn't have a penny to my name, I would walk around the streets and occasionally I would see an alcove or something. And I'd think, that'll be good, that'll be a good spot for me when I'm homeless. ”
― Larry David, Inside Arc View GIS, 3E

“I'd rather have the thieves than the neighbors - the thieves don't impose. Thieves just want your things, neighbors want your time. I'd rather give them things than time.”
― Larry David

“A good compromise is when both parties are dissatisfied”
― Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm: The Complete Seventh Season

“An employee is told that the customer is always right and, in fact, the customer is usually a moron and as asshole”
― Larry David

“When I’m in social situations I always hold onto my glass. It makes me feel comfortable and secure, and I don’t have to shake hands”
― Larry David

“Larry: i don’t really get this fascination that people have with the ocean
Cheryl: no?
Larry: i dunno. i mean i stare at it for ten minutes and i go okay i get it
Cheryl: don’t you feel calmer?
Larry: i feel aggravated that i am missing what other people are getting.”
― Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm: The Complete Seventh Season

“She was breaking the rules! She wasn't following the rules of society ... The unwritten rules that we have as we go about our day. Like at night, you tiptoe, that's an unwritten rule, you tiptoe, so you don't wake people up, there's no sign 'TIPTOE', you just have to be smart enough and considerate enough to do it.”
― Larry David

“Shouldn't be having a birthday party two weeks after your birthday ... Okay, three days, no more than that though, it's not your birthday anymore! There’s gotta be a time, there’s gotta be a cutoff point where you can’t have birthday parties. You’re so desperate for a party that you have to have a party two weeks after? Wait till next year, you missed it!”
― Larry David

“Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman.”
― Larry David

“A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone.”
― Larry David

“The temperature in that hangar would sometimes get down to 40 degrees, and very often I had to put on long underwear, which was so restrictive I suffered from an acute vascular disorder for days afterward.”
― LARRY DAVID

“The one thing about Hitler that I admire is that he wouldn't take any shit from magicians.”
― Larry David

“One thing about Hitler that I admire is that he wouldn't take any shit from magicians.”
― Larry David

“I go out to dinner, I wind up I with a homework assignment.”
― Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm: The Complete Seventh Season

“I'm trying to elevate small talk to medium talk”
― Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm: The Complete Seventh Season

“Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough”
― Larry David