Robert Rankin > Quotes

“Jack, get a grip of yourself.'
I have a grip of myself.' Jack took a grip of himself. It was a most intimate grip; not the kind of grip that you usually take of yourself in public.”
― Robert Rankin, The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse

“As real as,' said Eddie.
'As real as what?' said Jack.
'Wish I knew,' said Eddie. 'But I can't do corroborative nouns. None of us are perfect, are we? I can get started. As big as, as obscene as, as foul as. But I can't get any further. But that's life for you again. As unfair as...”
― Robert Rankin, The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse

“Have you ever head this theory about drinking yourself sober?' Eddie asked. 'It's a very popular theory. Amongst drunks, anyway.”
― Robert Rankin, The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse

“If there are no spots on a sugar cube then I’ve just put a dice in my tea.”
― Robert Rankin, The Antipope

“Oh dear,' said Eddie. 'We'd better hurry. Tinto, call me a cab.'
All right,' said Tinto. 'You're a cab.”
― Robert Rankin, The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse

“Now, it's a fact well known to those who know it well that prophets of doom only attain popularity when they get the drinks in all around.”
― Robert Rankin, The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse

“Science,' said Mr Anders Anders. 'Science, not magic. I told you before: when things are not as they appear to be, it's because they're actually simpler than you think them to be. Things are never as difficult and complicated as folk believe. You'd be surprised just how straightforward and obvious things really are. The secret is in knowing how to look at them the right way.”
― Robert Rankin, The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse

“The hill road wound upwards, as hill roads do, unless you're coming down them, of course.”
― Robert Rankin, The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse

“Everyone misbehaves,' said Eddie. 'That's nature. Everyone gets away with as much as they can get away with. And the more they can get away with, the more they will.”
― Robert Rankin, The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse

“Omally, as ever, slept the sleep of the just, which was quite unjust of him, considering he had no right to do it.”
― Robert Rankin, East of Ealing

“It was joy, joy, happy joy.
Happy, happy joy.
A big fat smiley sun rose above the rooftops and beamed down its blessings onto the borough known as Brentford.”
― Robert Rankin, Web Site Story

“...And there's the Midnight Growlers, a philosophical movement dedicated to high spiritual ideals and the pursuit of truth and -'
Beer,' said Tinto.”
― Robert Rankin, The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse

“What is believed to be a fact is only a fact until another fact supersedes it. Science is only a fashion. Nothing more.”
― Robert Rankin, The Book of Ultimate Truths

“This is not the way things are done in Boy’s Own Adventure books. I recall no mentions of homosexual gang-rape and cannibalism”
― Robert Rankin, Retromancer

“Probably one of those sinister organisations that lurked behind the mask of amusing acronym, such as BUM, for example - the Bermondsey Union of Minstrels. Or WILLY, the Whitechapel Institution for Long-Legged Yodellers. It could be any one of a hundred such evil cabals. With the notable exception of the Meritorious Union For Friendship, Decency, Individualism, Virtue and Educational Resources, who were above reproach.”
― Robert Rankin, The Educated Ape and Other Wonders of the Worlds

“Jack nodded. 'No,' he said.
Was that a trick answer?”
― Robert Rankin, The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse

“Need to get to Ruislip by sparrow-fart though', said the squadron leader. 'Think you can do that? Can I come along for the ride?”
― Robert Rankin, Retromancer

“Because I'm a special gatekeeper. I'm the head gatekeeper. Because, although, as you can see, I'm only a head, I'm also the gatekeeper. Which makes me the head gatekeeper. Which makes me very special, don't you agree?”
― Robert Rankin, The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse

“And yes. They did become very drunk, the three of them.
And you're not supposed to be drunk when you get involved in matters such as this: Big Matters, Matters of an Apocalyptic Nature. You're supposed to be coldly sober. And you just can't be coldly sober when you're drunk.”
― Robert Rankin, The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse

“- It's a small matter, but one which I think shouldn't be overlooked.
- Oh Yes? And that is?
- That is the simple matter that time travel is an impossibility, you craven buffoon!
- Not with the latest miracle of modern horticulture...Gentlemen, please allow me to introduce you to THE TIME SPROUT !
'Pleased to be here' said the vegetable in question.”
― Robert Rankin, Armageddon: The Musical

“Her hair was simply red and her coat was deacon blue.”
― Robert Rankin, Retromancer

“There were large and small ones too. And some quite in-between. But all of equal nastiness.
And smelliness and ghastliness.
For they would eat a fellow up, as one might fish and chips”
― Robert Rankin, The Japanese Devil Fish Girl and Other Unnatural Attractions

“H. G. Wells once said that every word of which a man is ignorant represents an idea of which he is ignorant.”
― Robert Rankin, Armageddon: The Musical

“Someone in the crowd, for there is always one, said, ‘That’s right, a mate of mine had it.”
― Robert Rankin, The Antipope

“To say that it was wondrous would be to say that the universe is quite a big place.”
― Robert Rankin, The Antipope

“Still,' whispered Jack, 'you have to keep at it. Overcome the miseries of vomiting and the whirling pit. Pay your dues and work towards the real rewards of big-time adult drinking. Something to look forward to.”
― Robert Rankin, The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse

“Only if I am going to die, I should prefer to die as I have lived, drunkenly.”
― Robert Rankin, The Antipope

“All right,’ said Pooley, ‘as panic is clearly ill-received hereabouts, what do we do?”
― Robert Rankin, The Antipope

“Calm down please, sir, if you will,’ said the bobby, still retaining a firm hold upon the horse’s reins. ‘ “Stolen” is such an ugly word. It is not technically stealing if you are a British archaeologist and you acquire items of historical significance in the savage realms and liberate them to civilisation.”
― Robert Rankin, The Japanese Devil Fish Girl and Other Unnatural Attractions

“What it all comes down to, as it so often does, is the very beginning of the universe. This, say the big-heads of the scientific fraternity, all began with a big bang. Wrong! The universe, in fact, began with the sound of a duck call, followed by a whistle and an enormous cosmic wind-break. Had anyone been around at the time to overhear these sounds, they would probably have received a pretty good indication of what God had up his sleeve, amongst other places.”
― Robert Rankin, Armageddon: The Musical