Jesper Juul > Quotes

“Integrity and self-esteem are related. The more successfully parents look after a child’s integrity, the greater the possibility that the child will develop healthy self-esteem.”
― Jesper Juul, Your Competent Child: Toward a New Paradigm in Parenting and Education

“is up to the parents to consider this fundamental question: “Am I genuinely able to give my child what they want and feel good about it—and not expect anything in return?”
― Jesper Juul, No!

“Do they also need us to say “No!”? Perhaps the question is formulated incorrectly. The reality is that children need their parents’ authentic closeness. They need to live with and learn from people of flesh and blood. There are still people who subscribe to a rather outdated expression about defiant children—that they are testing the limits or looking for boundaries. This always happens in relationships where the adult tries to act in ways they think parents should behave. This applies to teachers and others who are part of the child’s life. It is my experience that children have a different objective—to explore whether there is a person behind the role. What they are really doing is challenging our ability and willingness to be authentic, attentive and credible.”
― Jesper Juul, Family Life: The Most Important Values for Living Together and Raising Children

“For the first time, we are ready to create genuine relationships that bestow equal dignity on men and women, and on adults and children. Never before in the history of mankind has this happened on such a large scale. The demand for equal dignity also means openness and respect for differences, which in turn means that we must abandon many of our impressions about what is generally right and wrong.”
― Jesper Juul, Raising Competent Children: A New Way of Developing Relationships With Children

“We often imagine that we’ll develop more quickly if conflicts reach a conclusion, but this is rarely the case. Often the quest for resolution”
― Jesper Juul, Your Competent Child: Toward a New Paradigm in Parenting and Education

“It is much better for us and our children when we aim to be ourselves rather than try to “do the right thing”. Parents who are authentic are better parents than those who try to be theoretical parents. Parents who make mistakes and take responsibility for their mistakes are better parents than those who try to be perfect. Parents who strive for perfection will always make their children feel like failures and children who feel like failures often end up failing.”
― Jesper Juul, Here I Am! Who Are You?: Resolving Conflicts Between Adults and Children

“è difficile immaginare che relazioni tra adulti e figli basate su uguale dignità possano causare problemi. Credo invece che a determinarli siano l'irresponsabilità e l'autosufficienza.”
― jesper juul

“Agresywne emocje pojawiają się zawsze wtedy, gdy nie czujemy się tak wartościowi dla bliskich, jakbyśmy chcieli.”
― Jesper Juul, Aggression: Warum sie für uns und unsere Kinder notwendig ist

“The goals of the player are thus aligned with the goals of the protagonist; when the player succeeds, the protagonist succeeds. (...) The question is, can we imagine video games where this is inverted, such that when the player is successful, the protagonist fails? (...) Who would want to play Anna Karenina, the video game? Who would want to spend hours playing in order to successfully throw the protagonist under a train?”
― Jesper Juul