Allison M. Dickson > Quotes

“She has also found nirvana in wearing yoga pants with no intention of doing poses, peace in ignoring ingredient lists, calories, and macro counts.”
― Allison Dickson, The Other Mrs. Miller

“A look passed between Genevieve, Kaya, and I, a silent knowledge relating back to the warning Anansi had given us that Paine was growing corn here, recalling a vision I had not long ago about acres and acres of the stuff stretching on for miles beneath a moonlit sky, about so many lessons gleaned in the Divine Rite Academy as children regarding the “Devil’s Grain” and how to spot it and its many forms by sight and smell, so that we would always avoid it if it should ever reappear on this earth. That yellow sweet temptress. Its siren song was near impossible to avoid, even though I’d never once tasted it. But somehow I knew exactly how it would taste, how its rough grit would crunch between my teeth like grains of sand, as if it had been imprinted into my genes from so many ancestors going back thousands of years who were gluttons for those kernels of gold. We could drive it to extinction or turn it into a monster that would drive us to extinction, but it would always be a part of us, waiting for resurrection. I could tell by the way the women gazed at the platter of golden medallions that they were having a similar fight in their minds. Just one bite. One little taste. It wouldn’t be so bad. And then we could move on.”
― Allison M. Dickson, The Last Supper

“It was limitless, so beautiful and pure and free. I reached out and felt a soft, invisible give, as if the light itself was a malleable force. Ethereal putty.”
― Allison M. Dickson, The Last Supper

“Over time, the illusion has begun to wear off, and the illusion of a feast most illustrious has now given way to the depressing banality of the inedible tripe beneath.”
― Allison M. Dickson, The Last Supper

“They were secret, dark wishes, the kind of thing a person only pulls out when they’re too busy not appreciating how lucky they are.”
― Allison M. Dickson, The Last Supper

“Already I could feel my mind detaching, going to a place to protect itself from the warhead that was about to go off in my heart. It wasn’t at all unlike how I dealt with Linny’s death, only this was worse. I was trying to escape the pain, then. This time, I was also outrunning madness.”
― Allison M. Dickson, The Last Supper

“Most of these people had lived here their whole lives. Others had lived in the Cradle, being starved and tortured day after day. All had suffered, and they craved hope just as they craved any other nourishment.”
― Allison M. Dickson, The Last Supper

“Their solemn eyes told more stories than I had years to hear.”
― Allison M. Dickson, The Last Supper

“I opened my eyes, and the Élan Vital vanished, leaving a palpable despair in its place. Everything felt so ... mundane. Mortal and fragile, like dried leaves.”
― Allison M. Dickson, The Last Supper

“Hypnotism is a vampire’s most useful ability and the envy of other supernatural creatures. Just ask Kobolds, who always get stuck with the bill at restaurants and have the most boring parties imaginable.” --“The Vampire’s Toolbox,” Dexter Bloodgood’s Survival Guide for Modern Vampires, 19th Edition”
― Allison M. Dickson, Scarlet Letters: The Tale of the Vampire Mailman

“A vampire’s sense of smell is keener than a bloodhound’s. This makes our kind particularly suited to law enforcement and other civil service professions. Though you would have to question the sanity of a vampire who chooses a career in sewage treatment or government.” --“The Working Vampire,” Dexter Bloodgood’s Survival Guide for Modern Vampires, 19th Edition”
― Allison M. Dickson, Scarlet Letters: The Tale of the Vampire Mailman

“A new vampire should prepare himself for an onslaught of libidinous admirers. If one takes issue with such attention, consider reading the Survival Guide for Wussy Vampires, yet to be written.” --“The Popular Vampire,” Dexter Bloodgood’s Survival Guide for Modern Vampires, 19th Edition”
― Allison M. Dickson, Scarlet Letters: The Tale of the Vampire Mailman

“In one lifetime, a human will experience one or two major downfalls. But immortality creates limitless opportunities for screwing up. When your mortal friends complain about their lives, just tell them your benchmark for rock bottom: getting pregnant with Hitler’s baby.” --“Immortal Perspectives,” Dexter Bloodgood’s Survival Guide for Modern Vampires, 19th Edition”
― Allison M. Dickson, Scarlet Letters: The Tale of the Vampire Mailman

“Sometimes you have to give the illusion of weakness in order to achieve the greatest strength,”
― Allison M. Dickson, Strings

“A vampire’s aversion to peanut butter is superseded only by his aversion to bad poetry. Not because the latter is lethal, mind you, though it does often feel that way.” --“Vampire Dos and Don’ts,” Dexter Bloodgood’s Survival Guide for Modern Vampires, 19th Edition”
― Allison M. Dickson, Scarlet Letters: The Tale of the Vampire Mailman

“Many may not know this, but beer is a weapon of choice not only against werewolves, but also zombies, banshees, ghouls, and the chastity belts of wood nymphs.” --“The Well-Armed Vampire,” Dexter Bloodgood’s Survival Guide for Modern Vampries, 19th Edition”
― Allison M. Dickson, Scarlet Letters: The Tale of the Vampire Mailman

“A vampire’s strength can cause catastrophic property damage. While many believe Pompeii was destroyed by Mount Vesuvius, the disaster was the result of a very heated dispute between two Sicilian vampires over a cannoli recipe. Even as vampires, Sicilians take their cannoli very seriously.” --“Vampire Might,” Dexter Bloodgood’s Survival Guide for Modern Vampires, 19th Edition”
― Allison M. Dickson, Scarlet Letters: The Tale of the Vampire Mailman

“Like I said, it was arrogant. Naïve, even. But I was having too much fun feeling alive. The poetry, the blasphemy, the taste of Turpin’s aged bourbon, it had fundamentally changed me.”
― Allison M. Dickson, The Last Supper

“Live simply. That is the sagest advice a vampire could ever take. If you wanted to go tearing around the world like an uncivilized cretin, you should have elected to become a werewolf. Or moved to New Jersey.” --“Vampire Wisdoms,” Dexter Bloodgood’s Survival Guide for Modern Vampires, 19th Edition”
― Allison M. Dickson, Scarlet Letters: The Tale of the Vampire Mailman

“oubliette”
― Allison Dickson, The Other Mrs. Miller

“Turpin waxed poetic about real coffee beans early on in our friendship, calling them true nuggets of God’s grace, their demise proof of how far we’d fallen as a species.”
― Allison M. Dickson, The Last Supper

“I guess God decided we weren’t much worth saving this time. He probably gave up on His creation the way you give up a piece of burnt toast when you can’t scrape off enough of the black stuff.”
― Allison M. Dickson, The Last Supper

“Some claim the wet dog smell and the penchant for cheap beer is a dead giveaway that a werewolf is in one’s midst, but it’s really the mullet hairdo.” --“The Immortal Creature Hierarchy,” Dexter Bloodgood’s Survival Guide for Modern Vampires”
― Allison M. Dickson, Scarlet Letters: The Tale of the Vampire Mailman

“mentioned Shakespeare in the middle of my own little soliloquy.”
― Allison M. Dickson, Strings

“Life is a peach, and then there’s pie.”
― Allison M. Dickson, Scarlet Letters: The Tale of the Vampire Mailman

“Some vampire literature is accurate, particularly concerning garlic. Vampire hunters have relied on it for centuries. Emeril LaGasse is not just a famous television chef, but also a modern Van Helsing whose obsession with garlic and pork fat is legendary. Not that bacon kills vampires. What a travesty that would be. --“Vampire Foibles,” Dexter Bloodgood’s Survival Guide for Modern Vampires, 19th Edition”
― Allison M. Dickson, Scarlet Letters: The Tale of the Vampire Mailman