Christopher Farnsworth > Quotes

“Helen savored the peace and quiet that only came in the complete absence of stupid questions.”
― Christopher Farnsworth

“Couldn’t you hypnotize her or something?"
"It doesn’t work like that."
"I thought vampires were all sex gods with the ladies."
Cade looked at him. "What gave you that idea?"
"Uh ... late-night TV, mostly ..."
"Humans are our food. Do you want to have sex with a cow?”
― Christopher Farnsworth, Blood Oath

“Humans are our food. You don't want to have sex with a cow, do you?”
― Christopher Farnsworth

“Never trust a man who doesn't like ice cream. If that's not a saying, it should be.”
― Christopher Farnsworth, Killfile

“Right. Just let the nice monster turn him into paste.”
― Christopher Farnsworth, Blood Oath

“Something you killed didn't stay dead? Wow. That must have really put some termites in your coffin.”
― Christopher Farnsworth, Red, White, and Blood

“Cade seemed a little too sure of his conclusion from too little evidence. “Cade. If you knew something I didn’t, you’d tell me, right?”
“I know a lot of things you don’t, Zach. We don’t have that kind of time.”
― Christopher Farnsworth, Red, White, and Blood

“Questions?” Cade asked, pointing at the file where Zach had stuffed it into his messenger bag.
“Yeah,” Zach said. “Any chance I can go back to D.C.?”
“Any useful questions?”
“Do you think it’s really the Boogeyman that killed Brent? You think it’s back?”
“I sincerely hope not.”
“When you say things like that, I start to cry a little on the inside.”
― Christopher Farnsworth

“It's easy to keep secrets when nobody gives a damn.”
― Christopher Farnsworth, The President's Vampire

“What did you think of him?" Cade asked.
"Give me some credit," Zach said. "Guy’s more full of shit than a duck pond.”
― Christopher Farnsworth, Red, White, and Blood

“It’s been around for almost a hundred years,” Latham said. He looked at Cade. “Is it like you? A vampire?”
“No,” Cade said. “It’s worse.”
“Awesome,” Latham muttered.”
― Christopher Farnsworth, Red, White, and Blood

“If saving the world's not enough, then nothing else is, either.”
― Christopher Farnsworth, The President's Vampire

“The Boogeyman,' he said, just to be sure. 'The Boogeyman killed an employee of the President of the United States.'
The president nodded.
Some days, Zach thought, I really hate this job.”
― Christopher Farnsworth, Red, White, and Blood

“This is not a man,” Cade said, his voice like a crypt door slamming. “In almost a hundred years, I have seen it shot, stabbed, drowned, burned, decapitated, dismembered and buried. And in almost a hundred years, there’s only been one thing that’s ever been able to kill it.”
“What?” Latham asked, his voice squeaking.
Cade’s eyes speared every agent in the room as he answered: “Me.”
― Christopher Farnsworth, Red, White, and Blood

“And when the man who commanded a nuclear arsenal and the greatest military in history was frightened, it meant that something other than human intervention was required. That, unfortunately, was part of Zach’s job every day now. That was where Nathaniel Cade came in”
― Christopher Farnsworth, Red, White, and Blood

“It’s sorcery,” Cade said, as if explaining things to a slow child. “That’s the explanation.” “I’m a scientist,” she said. “I need a little more than ‘a wizard did it.”
― Christopher Farnsworth, The Burning Men

“I never get tired of people telling me how important their job is as an excuse for screwing it up.”
― Christopher Farnsworth, The President's Vampire

“When they come and the guns are thundering and the men are falling all around you, there is only one way you will stop it. You are going to have to kill. So you be the best goddamned killer there is.”
― Christopher Farnsworth, Red, White, and Blood

“Cade was a vampire. Zach had finally gotten over that. For the most part. Other people could argue about how vampires didn’t exist, how they were just relics of folklore and sexual repression and nightmares. Zach had to work with Cade. Denial only got in the way.”
― Christopher Farnsworth, The Burning Men

“My men are pretty fast.” Zach was losing patience. “Really? Can they set up a sniper position in less than 30 seconds after we find one of these guys? Can they run at 75 miles per hour? Can they move faster than a literal goddamn speeding bullet?” The ERT commander didn’t respond. “Language,” Cade said, again without looking away.”
― Christopher Farnsworth, The Burning Men

“Your vision, for instance. Over a third of your brain is dedicated to processing the details streaming in from your eyes, and it’s still not enough. So your brain ignores most of what you see.”
― Christopher Farnsworth, Killfile

“Take any one of these dipshits in their easy-fit pants and triple-XL T-shirts. Ask them what we should do about the Middle East, or health care, or abortion, and they've got all the answers. Half of the voters can't find Iraq on a map, but they know just what to do about the War on Terror. Sixty percent of them are on some kind of government handout, but they can't stand freeloaders. And ninety percent of them don't know what the Fed does, but they're ready to abolish it.”
― Christopher Farnsworth, Red, White, and Blood

“Zach had been on the receiving end of a few of Lanning’s ass-chewings back in the day. They were epic sagas of righteous fury and perfectly applied touches of profanity. It was like being verbally disemboweled.”
― Christopher Farnsworth, Red, White, and Blood

“was never more than a few dozen feet away,” Cade said. Zach had to admit, that was no distance at all to someone with Cade’s speed. He was almost mollified, but Cade kept talking. “And honestly, I was hoping you would annoy him enough to keep him busy. Perhaps we could learn something that way.” “That was your plan?” “You do seem to bring it out in people.” “Jesus, Cade — ” “Don’t blaspheme.”
― Christopher Farnsworth, The Burning Men

“Zach had once heard the president described as "the most dangerous narcissist alive, because the world really does revolve around him.”
― Christopher Farnsworth, Red, White, and Blood

“He was probably already in one of the nearby restaurants - a TGIChiliMcAppleBarrel’s or whatever ...”
― Christopher Farnsworth, Red, White, and Blood

“He was no longer human. And in that moment, at least, he was glad of it.”
― Christopher Farnsworth, The President's Vampire

“Of course, it’s entirely possible the reason Cade is so formidable might simply be due to individual temperament: Cade is unusually stubborn and willful, dedicated and tough; what some people call—and I mean this with all due respect—a total bastard.

- "The President's Vampire (Nathaniel Cade Series #2)" by Christopher Farnsworth”
― Christopher Farnsworth, The President's Vampire

“There are times when the defense of liberty requires the unleashing of monsters.   —President Andrew Johnson, private journal”
― Christopher Farnsworth, Blood Oath

“The fanatic is incorruptible: if he kills for an idea, he can just as well get himself killed for one; in either case, tyrant or martyr, he is a monster.   —E. M. Cioran”
― Christopher Farnsworth, Blood Oath