Craig Shaw Gardner > Quotes

“No matter what danger you might face," the wizard resumed, "within this book is a magical solution."
I did as Ebenzum bade, opening to a page titled "EZ Wizard's Index." I scanned quickly down the righthand column:

Demons, who are about to eat you, 206, 211
Demons, who are about to tear you limb from limb, 207
Demons, who are about thrash you soundly, 206-7
Demons, who have already begun to eat you, 208

"As you can see," my master continued, "quick reference to this index can prepare you for virtually any eventuality.”
― Craig Shaw Gardner, A Difficulty with Dwarves

“Sometimes people identified too strongly with the famous—it was one of the prices of notoriety, especially when so many considered you to be a hero. Batman sometimes filled much too large a hole in people’s lives.”
― Craig Shaw Gardner, The Batman Murders

“Żeby nie wiem jak idealnie przebiegała impreza, zawsze coś lub ktoś wywinie taki numer, że całą radość i przyjemną atmosferę licho weźmie.”
― Craig Shaw Gardner, A Malady of Magicks

“The Boardwalk.
That’s right. There it is, all that music and all that noise; the beating heart of Santa Carla. You can walk up there, past the three-tries-for-a-dollar booths with the hucksters urging you to win a big teddy bear for the little lady, past the food stands where the kids can load up on hot dogs and cotton candy, past the Tilt-a-Whirl, the Giant Mouse, and the Snake, where the kids have a chance to lose what they just ate, past the giant Ferris wheel, so brightly lit that it takes the place of all the stars in the nighttime sky. Then you come to the carousel. The kids call it a “merry-go-round,” but what do they know? You want to learn something new about Santa Carla, that’s the next place you go.”
― Craig Shaw Gardner, The Lost Boys

“Even for a wizard there will often come times when someone close to you, perhaps even your spouse, criticizes your habits by comparing them to those of animals. This is distinctly unfair to the animals, who have far better habits than we in many areas. When, for example, have you seen a frog collecting taxes or a squirrel running for elected office? Present arguments like those to people who criticize you. If they still do not see the wisdom of your ways, you may feel free to bite them.”
― Craig Shaw Gardner, A Malady of Magicks

“Even for a wizard there will often come times when someone close to you, perhaps even your spouse, criticizes your habits by comparing them to those of animals. This is distinctly unfair to the animals, who have far better habits than we in many areas. When, for example, have you seen a frog collecting taxes or a squirrel running for elected office? Present arguments like those to people who criticize you. If they still do not see the wisdom of your ways, you may feel free to bite them.'

- THE TEACHINGS OF EBENEZUM, Volume IX”
― Craig Shaw Gardner, A Malady of Magicks

“My world fell away from me. Agony stabbed my chest.”
― Craig Shaw Gardner, A Malady of Magicks