Aleksandr Voinov > Quotes

“You're my home. I will find you.”
― Aleksandr Voinov, Special Forces - Soldiers

“Some men want to win a gold medal, some want a family, some want to be rich, some want to be free, some want to kill other men, and some men want to do the right thing. Me, I only want you.”
― Aleksandr Voinov, Special Forces - Mercenaries Part I

“Vadim swallowed, felt his throat too tight to move, then, still staring at the bottle, smelling the desert and Dan, and himself, his hand reached to his side, opened the holster of the pistol. Took out the mag, took the bullet from the chamber, clicked the mag in place again, rolled the bullet between his fingers.

He looked at Dan, sideways, saw the man stare at him, all eyes, dark eyes, and the way the pale desert moon made his face a place of shadows.

He reached for Dan’s hand, opened the fingers and placed the bullet into the palm.

“This is the bullet you’ll use to kill me if I walk away again.” Because if I walk away again, I’ll be in so much pain I’m better off dead anyway.”
― Aleksandr Voinov, Special Forces - Mercenaries Part I

“I love you more than I can say, than I can even think and what you give me takes my breath away, but breathing is overrated when I can kiss you.”
― Aleksandr Voinov, Special Forces - Mercenaries Part I

“I need you.” He could not go any further down. Rock bottom. And at the very bottom was just this one thing. The core of it all. “Fucking... love you... too much.”
― Aleksandr Voinov, Special Forces - Soldiers

“I’d die for you, Dan. No questions asked.”

“No, Vadim. No.” Dan’s dark eyes were unforgivingly intense. “You must not die for me, not ever. You must live for me, you understand?” His fingertips rested on Vadim’s face. “Give me your word, you will live for me, whatever happens. Even if I never see you again. I need to believe that somewhere, out there, you are alive.”
― Aleksandr Voinov, Special Forces - Soldiers

“He’d do anything, absolutely everything for this man, suck him, kill, kill himself, run away, be something else, anything else, everything just blurred, darkness, a place inside that only held him and Dan. Nobody else, nothing else, no time, no place, no affiliations, no past, no future.”
― Aleksandr Voinov, Special Forces - Soldiers

“If I touched you, that’d be it.” Dan shook his head, “Damn, how the fuck am I going to make you understand?” Pleading, almost. “You are everything, don’t you get it? You are the Afghan mountains, the damned red dust, the endless sky. You were my home, and more often than not, also my reason. You are unlike all the others, unlike anyone I shag, because when I touch you, it’s not just a touch, it’s eleven years of heaven and hell.”
― Aleksandr Voinov, Special Forces - Mercenaries Part I

“You made me human. I stand by that. You made me into somebody I would have wanted to become, if I'd ever thought about what I wanted to be that wasn't about a record or power or a rank or some...delusion I was chasing. If all that was gone and stripped away, the man I am, I am because of what you did, what you made me feel all those years.”
― Aleksandr Voinov, Special Forces - Veterans

“Pretty is different,' he murmured. 'Pretty has no scars. You are...' jaw muscles tensed again. 'Like the morning sky in Afghanistan. Not 'pretty'. Word's 'breathtaking'.”
― Aleksandr Voinov, Special Forces - Mercenaries Part I

“When you're like this, Vadim, I want to own you, and taste you, burrow all the way into your body until I feel so much it fucking hurts and your scent clings to every pore. I want to hurt you, tear you apart, fuck you until you plead and scream and bleed, and all that, because I can never get enough of you.”
― Aleksandr Voinov, Special Forces - Soldiers

“Knowing what Dan’s face had looked like in Kabul, the night they’d spent in the hotel room. What he’d said. My light, my life, my sanity, my love. Nothing of that had been wrong. Not the sex, the kisses, the teenager oaths of staying together, always, rain, shine, life, death. I’d die for you. Live for me. Hold me. Fucking hold me.”
― Aleksandr Voinov, Special Forces - Mercenaries Part I

“What do you want from me?"
"Own up to it. I can live with a cheater, but not with a coward.”
― Aleksandr Voinov, Dark Soul Vol. 4

“Blood, pain and an all-surpassing lust for one man settled so deeply into his bones, the need had become part of him. Bottomless, like the touch he craved. Vadim.”
― Aleksandr Voinov, Special Forces - Soldiers

“Dan didn’t want to say anything, but the words were unstoppable. “I fucking love you. Don’t leave me. You’ve got to find me.” Again, fucking tears. Vadim shook his head, then pressed his face into the crook of Dan’s shoulder, hoped to hide his weakness and felt like a man condemned to die.

“I will... find you. If it’s the last thing I’ll do, I’ll come back. Nothing will stop me.”
― Aleksandr Voinov, Special Forces - Soldiers

“You really do love him, don’t you?” she said quietly.
Vadim blinked, then looked to the side, without seeing colours and patterns, but it helped him find words. Speaking about love without cliché, without borrowing somebody else’s well-worn words that were too comfortable. "Dan changed me in ways that stripped away the man I wanted to be, and the man I was made to be, and the man I was expected to be. He skinned me alive, and left only…..somebody who….” He breathed but barely. “…can live and die now, like a human being, not an automation, not somebody else’s creation. Dan took my fear of death. I can’t die now. I know I’m immortal.”

“Immortal?” she said quietly, sitting still. “Your soul? Your being?”

“I don’t believe there’s anything like a soul. But I believe most people are asleep. They aren’t even aware what they are, or that they are alive. And we are all scared to die, so when it happens we scream for our mothers and clutch our guts because we’re scared. I’m not. I’m not afraid of death. The only thing I’m afraid of is losing Dan.” But if that happens, he thought, Dan might just keep the promise and kill him on the way out.”
― Aleksandr Voinov, Special Forces - Mercenaries Part I

“Dan's voice was rough and low as he murmured against Vadim's lips. 'I hate you, Russkie.' No. He didn't, but he couldn't find the right word for this. This feeling. Hatred was the closest he could get. The alternative was still unthinkable.”
― Aleksandr Voinov, Special Forces - Soldiers

“Holy shit, you’re the most accomplished stalker I’ve ever met.”
“It’s not stalking if you like it.”
― Aleksandr Voinov, Gold Digger

“You’re with me,” Dan murmured against Vadim’s lips. “In my thoughts, my heart, my mind, no matter what I am doing. I goddamned need you, and I want you—always.”
― Aleksandr Voinov, Special Forces - Soldiers

“Let me live. Keep me alive. Both sentences so close in English, but very different meaning.”
― Aleksandr Voinov, Special Forces - Mercenaries Part II

“If I don’t wear anything, I’d probably make the food go off, and the children run away screaming. What with all the scars and all. I’m not what one could call particularly pretty.” Unlike you, Vadim, and your goddamned perfection, except for a word cut in blood and flesh.

Vadim shook his head, already retreating towards the open door. “'Pretty' is different,” he murmured. “'Pretty' has no scars. You are... Jaw muscles tensed again. “Like the morning sky in Afghanistan. Not ‘pretty’. Word’s ‘breathtaking’.”
― Aleksandr Voinov, Special Forces - Soldiers

“You….” just you, always you. My russian Cu**, my enemy, my comrade, my prisoner, my gaoler and my life. Words unthinking. “Love……you.”
― Aleksandr Voinov, Special Forces: Soldiers Part II -Director's Cut

“Stroke the fire, prod the tiger. Hate me. Hate me like you did that night. Let’s start at the beginning, and end it right here, annihilate everything.
Annihilate me.”
― Aleksandr Voinov, Special Forces - Mercenaries Part I

“The leopard is a cruel lover. His tenderness breaks the gazelle’s heart.”
― Aleksandr Voinov, Special Forces

“Vadim smiled. “I’m not meeting him. We’ll be friends.”
Dan still didn’t say anything, just nodded, the smile still there, then turned and walked through the living room and onto the patio, all the way through the French windows. Looking out over the old orchard and the mountains when Vadim got to his side, reaching over to take Dan’s hand. Worth it. A thousand times. Any sacrifice, from the small ones to the big ones, and Dan turns his head, looking fully at him, while the smile grew. He didn’t need to say anything, didn’t have to voice the “I love you”. It was there, unsaid, yet outspoken.
Fourteen years, they didn’t come cheap.”
― Aleksandr Voinov, Special Forces - Veterans

“Never realized how much you might have been hurt, or worried...you know. Others. Until I found out how fucking painful it is to fear losing you.'

'I never wanted anybody else after I'd found you. After I understood what it is we have. Didn't want any other man.”
― Aleksandr Voinov, Special Forces - Veterans

“Me, i'm going to write ass-kicking trans* characters. I think I might end up writing not a single thing that is "pure" by some people's standards. Just because, and because I can.”
― Aleksandr Voinov

“If you'd lie with scorpions, you need a taste for poison.”
― Aleksandr Voinov, Scorpion

“Dan pulled him in. Anchored him. Secured him, like one mountain climber to the other, rope and irons and nothing but the abyss if the rope failed. “It will work. I haven’t got this far to give up.”

“It’ll work.” Dan’s kisses grew more intense. “It must.” Because you’re mine, and you belong to me.”
― Aleksandr Voinov, Special Forces - Soldiers

“For me, he can walk on water, dance in the clouds. I know he can’t, really, but what he can and can’t do pales into nothing when I look at him.”
― Aleksandr Voinov, Skybound