Kelly Kazek > Quotes

“To southerners, food is comfort. And the more foods mixed into one dish, the more comforting it is. Why do you think we love casseroles so much? If squash casserole is like a hug from your grandma, a chicken-and-rice casserole is like being snuggled up in a blanket fort with Channing Tatum. You see the progression?”
― Kelly Kazek, Not Quite Right: Mostly True Tales of a Weird News Reporter

“I love you more than I hate the college football team you root for.”
― Kelly Kazek, 100 Southern Ways to Say I Love You

“Never, ever bring salad to a post-funeral gathering. I mean the kind with lettuce, of course. For two reasons, 1. It turns brown and reminds people of death when they're already at a funeral, and 2. It's good for you. I can't stress this enough: Healthy food is not comforting. Ever. In fact, in my experience, having healthy food options alongside the hash brown casserole can actually cause anxiety. Acceptable alternatives are a congealed salad with fruit suspended in it, a three-bean salad, or cornbread salad.”
― Kelly Kazek, Not Quite Right: Mostly True Tales of a Weird News Reporter

“My South is a place of inclusion and of kindness. Some might say that’s a naïve view based on history and on modern headlines. But, as I did with those magical woods of my childhood, I believe in this South – this hopeful South – one whose motto should be 'Peace, Love & Biscuits.”
― Kelly Kazek, It's a Southern Thing: Life's Different Here, Y'all

“In our world, 'plumb' has no relation to pipes or water. It means 'totally,' as in 'plumb wore out.' You won’t find the Southern meaning of 'plumb' at Dictionary.com but that doesn’t mean our way is wrong.”
― Kelly Kazek, Southern Thesaurus: For When You're Plumb Out of Things to Say

“In the South, language is a fluid thing. Sometimes, when we find ourselves in need of just the right word, we’ll just make one up. And why not?”
― Kelly Kazek, Southern Thesaurus: For When You're Plumb Out of Things to Say

“When it was time to leave, Grandma was ready with a hug. She smelled a lot like biscuits and felt a lot like love.”
― Kelly Kazek, 10 Baskets of Biscuits: A Southern Counting Book

“It seems I get dumber the older my daughter gets and, this will astonish you, my IQ drops exponentially when I am in the presence of more than one teen. …Suddenly, every comment I make is so, like, totally juvenile. Really, I’m beginning to think I don’t deserve to drive her around and buy her stuff.”
― Kelly Kazek, Fairly Odd Mother: Musings of a Slightly Off Southern Mom

“B is for Bless Your Heart:

“We spread this phrase around like hugs/’Bless her heart’ and ‘his heart,’ too/It’s something Southerners always say/When nothing else will do.”
― Kelly Kazek, Y is for Y'all: A Southern Book of ABC's

“, Grandmother had the eye; the gift of clairvoyance. I don’t mean she ran a psychic hotline or could tell neighbors where their lost dog went. I mean she had the power to see – she could look at a pan of leftovers and tell exactly, to the spoonful, what size container was needed to store it in the fridge.”
― Kelly Kazek, It's a Southern Thing: Life's Different Here, Y'all

“There's a reason they're called "privates.”
― Kelly Kazek, Not Quite Right: Mostly True Tales of a Weird News Reporter

“My Aunt Beverly sashayed when she walked. ... Her walk made the local boys sweat, well until those 'boys' were octogenarians. Anything she carried in her back pocket would have been as happily dizzy as a kid on a carnival ride. She sashayed like a Southern belle born in a time of dungarees and pedal pushers rather than restrictive skirts and social mores; she sashayed like a beautiful woman who was feeling sassy. She WAS beautiful, and she was sassy more often than not.”
― Kelly Kazek, It's a Southern Thing: Life's Different Here, Y'all

“If humans were meant to eat raw veggies, God wouldn't have invented Crisco.”
― Kelly Kazek, Not Quite Right: Mostly True Tales of a Weird News Reporter

“Yes, we Southerners take credit for 'y’all,' the most useful word in the English language. Since America’s first colonists carelessly lost the English language’s only second-person pronoun – thou – Americans have been fighting over what should take its place. Among those floating around are 'you guys,' 'youse,' 'you’uns,' and 'y’all.' Y’all, of course, is the most popular choice because, well, it is clearly the best.”
― Kelly Kazek, Southern Thesaurus: For When You're Plumb Out of Things to Say

“For the love of grandma's peach preserves, women's clothing needs new sizing standards, especially that horribly redundant "extra large." That's like saying Ida Mae's not just big. She's big big." Let's try something more reasonable, maybe even introduce southern sizing, like tee-tiny, middlin', over-filled corn muffin, biscuit-fluffy, dumplin' and sack o' taters.”
― Kelly Kazek, Not Quite Right: Mostly True Tales of a Weird News Reporter