Jesse Petersen > Quotes

“So you killed him with what now?"

"I tried that Dr. Phil book at first"..."And I finished it off with the toilet seat. Just so you know, you left it up again. That drives me crazy.”
― Jesse Petersen, Married with Zombies

“Just because she tried to eat us doesn't mean she was wrong”
― Jesse Petersen, Married with Zombies

“Give each other a compliment every day. Even when the undead attack, its nice to feel pretty. Or badass.”
― Jesse Petersen, Married with Zombies

“Address one issue at a time.You can't load gasoline, pick up food, AND kill fifteen zombies at once”
― Jesse Petersen, Married with Zombies

“Balance the world in your relationship. No one person should be responsible for killing ALL the Zombies.”
― Jesse Petersen, Married with Zombies

“Find creative ways to have fun together. Looting is really underrated.”
― Jesse Petersen, Married with Zombies

“I stared at him. "David, that's prison movies, not zombie movie.”
― Jesse Petersen, Married with Zombies

“Never go to bed angry. Terrified is okay.”
― Jesse Petersen, Married with Zombies

“I went all kung fu on his zombie ass.”
― Jesse Petersen, Married with Zombies

“I stopped as I thought of poor Jack on my bathroom floor, just another victim of Dr. Phil.”
― Jesse Petersen, Married with Zombies

“Support your partner in their interests. You never know when batting practice, kung fu movie moves, or even a poker night might come in handy during a zombie infestation.”
― Jesse Petersen, Married with Zombies

“Thank God for the second amendment.”
― Jesse Petersen, Married with Zombies

“Put the small stuff into perspective. It's better to be wrong and alive than right but eating brains.”
― Jesse Petersen

“Make requests, not demands. "Please" kill that zombie, honey, I'm out of bullets.”
― Jesse Petersen, Married with Zombies

“I should have known that having "end of the world" sex wouldn't solve our problems. Though, it was pretty great and I highly recommend it.”
― Jesse Petersen, Married with Zombies

“Build mutual friendships. Just be ready to end them when your friends start trying to eat you.”
― Jesse Petersen, Married with Zombies

“And then, anger gave way to pure and simple job satisfaction. I mean, when I looked at a dead zombie head on a spike, I thought, "Hey, I did that. Picasso would have been proud. Especially how I rearranged that eye”
― Jesse Petersen

“Because I'm not really certain she'd make the best travel partner through a zombie-infested city, he hissed. She gets confused by Scrabble.”
― Jesse Petersen, Married with Zombies

“I'd always thought the skinny little twerp was anorexic. But apparently what she needed wasn't a sandwich, as I'd often muttered as we left her office, but a manwich.”
― Jesse Petersen

“Yeah.” Sven said. “The stuff she just said. Let’s not get all killy.”
― Jesse Petersen, Shambling With the Stars

“Make requests, not demands.

example: “please” kill that zombie honey, I’m out of bullets.”
― Jesse Petersen

“Fuck me, David! Dr. Kelly just tried to eat us!”
― Jesse Petersen

“Men are from Mars. Zombies are from Hell.”
― Jesse Petersen, Married with Zombies

“Present a united front: YOU against the zombies.”
― Jesse Petersen, Married with Zombies

“Don't discuss your relationship problems with friends. Your zombie problems are another story entirely.”
― Jesse Petersen

“Have you ever wanted to smash a car? Or break a television? Or maybe burn a big fire in the middle of a city square? If the answer is yes, then you'd have some fun during a zombie infestation. It's the little moments, you know?”
― Jesse Petersen, Married with Zombies

“You are your partner are on the same side - it's the side of the living.”
― Jesse Petersen, Married with Zombies

“Dress for success. Also arm yourself for it.”
― Jesse Petersen, Flip This Zombie

“Share in your activities and interests. If you are going to kill zombies anyway, why not do it together?”
― Jesse Petersen, Married with Zombies

“Strive for the 4 hour work week. The rest of the time run like hell.”
― Jesse Petersen, Flip This Zombie