Toni Bernhard > Quotes

“Behind every stressful thought is the desire for things to be other than they are.”
― Toni Bernhard, How to Be Sick: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide for the Chronically Ill and Their Caregivers

“People can be at their most vulnerable, but still tenacious at the same time.”
― Toni Bernhard

“What is embarrassment? In general, embarrassment is an emotional response to an innocent mistake. The major reason that some of us are embarrassment-prone is that we’ve been conditioned to set unrealistically high expectations for ourselves and to judge ourselves negatively when we can’t possibly meet those standards. A second reason that makes us susceptible to embarrassment is that we’ve been taught to take our cue in evaluating ourselves from what we assume (often erroneously) to be others’ opinions of us.”
― Toni Bernhard

“You can argue with the way things are. You’ll lose, but only 100% of the time. —BYRON KATIE”
― Toni Bernhard, How to Be Sick: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide for the Chronically Ill and Their Caregivers

“People may think you're giving up, when in fact you are simply giving in to the reality of your new life”
― Toni Bernhard, How to Be Sick: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide for the Chronically Ill and Their Caregivers

“t can be eye-opening to think of some of the unrealistic expectations we hold ourselves to. These are the “shoulds” we set up in our lives which then become the breeding ground for embarrassment: I should never spill a drink; I should never lose my footing, even on slippery pavement; I should never misunderstand another person’s behavior (the latter misunderstanding having constituted my “chrysalis crime.”)”
― Toni Bernhard

“It is a fundamental human truth, transcending cultures and traditions, that the wisest response to situations that are beyond our control, circumstances that we cannot change, is noncontention.”
― Toni Bernhard, How to Be Sick: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide for the Chronically Ill and Their Caregivers

“Without the bitterest cold that penetrates to the very bone, how can plum blossoms send forth their fragrance all over the universe?”
― Toni Bernhard, How to Be Sick: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide for the Chronically Ill and Their Caregivers

“Life is suffering” is misleading for at least two reasons. First, the Buddha used an ancient Indian language similar to Sanskrit called Pali, and the word he used in Pali for the first noble truth, dukkha, is difficult to translate. Dukkha is too multifaceted and nuanced a term to be captured in the one-word translation “suffering.” And second, the fact of dukkha in our lives doesn’t mean that life is only dukkha.”
― Toni Bernhard, How to Be Sick: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide for the Chronically Ill and Their Caregivers

“If I say, “I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome,” I’m likely to be discredited as a witness to my own condition. I’ve had doctors tell me there’s no such thing as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. One doctor said: “Just drink some coffee.”
― Toni Bernhard

“To go into the dark with a light is to know the light. To know the dark, go dark. Go without sight and find that the dark, too, blooms and sings, and is traveled by dark feet and dark wings. —WENDELL BERRY A”
― Toni Bernhard, How to Be Sick: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide for the Chronically Ill and Their Caregivers

“If this medication helps, that will be great. If it doesn’t, no blame. It wasn’t what my body needed.” “If this doctor turns out to be responsive, that will be nice. If he or she doesn’t, that’s okay. Any given doctor is going to be how he or she is going to be. It’s not in my control.”
― Toni Bernhard, How to Be Sick: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide for the Chronically Ill and Their Caregivers

“I believe that we belittle survivors by assuming that they will fail.”
― Toni Bernhard

“Whatever a person frequently thinks and ponders upon, that becomes the inclination of his mind …”
― Toni Bernhard, How to Wake Up: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide to Navigating Joy and Sorrow

“With empathetic joy, as your ability to share others’ joy grows stronger, you’ll feel better yourself.”
― Toni Bernhard, How to Be Sick: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide for the Chronically Ill and Their Caregivers

“Unless saying yes would be true, kind, and helpful to me, I’m working on saying no.”
― Toni Bernhard, How to Live Well with Chronic Pain and Illness: A Mindful Guide

“All of us — chronically ill or not — want to know that others are trying to understand our lives.”
― Toni Bernhard, How to Live Well with Chronic Pain and Illness: A Mindful Guide

“The four brahma viharas are: Metta—loving-kindness; wishing well to others and to ourselves Karuna—compassion; reaching out to those who are suffering, including ourselves Mudita—sympathetic joy; joy in the joy of others Upekkha—equanimity; a mind that is at peace in all circumstances.”
― Toni Bernhard, How to Be Sick: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide for the Chronically Ill and Their Caregivers

“In some sense, all of us are alone, because no one experiences our lives for us and no one encounters our particular mixture of joys and sorrows. Reflecting on this can help us appreciate the uniqueness of the life that each of us has.”
― Toni Bernhard, How to Live Well with Chronic Pain and Illness: A Mindful Guide