Jake Bible > Quotes

“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person's strength”
― Bible, Jake

“I hate clowns,” I say. “Why’d you have to bring up clowns? Zs aren’t enough? Gotta talk about the smiley creepy guys too?”
― Jake Bible, Z-Burbia

“Keep them dumb and broke and you have democratic, capitalistic slavery at its finest.”
― Jake Bible, Parkway To Hell

“Holy shit, I think I brought home some cannibal savant or something. Rain Man with a taste for people. Great?”
― Jake Bible, Z-Burbia

“It was a stressful morning,” Shane said, tapping his eye patch. “Turns out you can’t grow eyes back. Who fucking knew, right?” “Fucking medical system,” Max said, taking another drag. “Thanks, Obama.”
― Jake Bible, Baja Blood

“Dude,” the boy said, leaning into the girl. “Was that pot laced with something? Because I think I’m seeing a legless guy crawling out of a fucking whale.”
― Jake Bible, Baja Blood

“I’m going to eat your fucking eyeballs and wear your faces when I’m done with you!”
― Jake Bible, One Foggy Night

“I got where I am by a combination of guile, street smarts, and perfectly timed assassinations,” VanderVoort says. “If you can’t out think ‘em, out maneuver ‘em, or intimidate ‘em then be sure to put a bullet between their eyebrows.”
― Jake Bible, Kaiju Inferno

“We can’t afford another Deirdre issue.”
― Jake Bible, The Bleeding Heartland

“Back off guys,” I said. “Nothing happened. I had way too much to drink and Hopsheer let me crash on her floor last night. That’s all that happened.” “Really?” Tarr asked as he pointed at my neck. “Her rug give you those hickeys?” I”
― Jake Bible, Salvage Merc One

“Promises are like assholes," Elsbeth pipes up. "They stink when you put your nose in them.”
― Jake Bible, Z-Burbia

“Sixty feet of drug fueled shark sped through the water, ready to eat every damn thing in sight.”
― Jake Bible, Baja Blood

“That’s why I get hired again and again. Call me an idiot, call me a reckless moron, call me a lucky son of a bitch, call me whatever you want. I’m here because at the end of the day, I survive. At the end of the day, I win. Every. Single. Time.”
― Jake Bible, Razer Edge

“But the sounds behind me tell me why. I risk a glance and see so many Zs on our asses that I wonder if they've been doing pilates all this time to get in shape for the great Whispering Pines mad-dash marathon.”
― Jake Bible, Z-Burbia

“Do your part before you die a horrible, screaming death, should be the official slogan of the apocalypse. There could be t-shirts and shit.”
― Jake Bible, Parkway To Hell

“It may have been the 32nd century, but the ladies still get a raw deal in the galaxy. Too many macho planets with macho races that were afraid their little dingles would fall off if the females of their species were allowed some equality.”
― Jake Bible, Salvage Merc One

“Max and Shane passed the joint back and forth as they sat in the crow’s nest, their sniper rifles resting across their laps. “Gets ya right there,” Max said, pounding his chest, his eyes on Kinsey below. “No shit, bro,” Shane replied after a long drag. “Those two, man. Too much love, too much pride.” “That’s why we never argue,” Max said. “I hate you and have zero pride in myself.” “Me too,” Shane said. “You are the bane of my existence.” He held up the joint. “And I try to cover my own self-loathing in a haze of the pot.”
― Jake Bible, Baja Blood

“Keep dwelling in the past and you won’t see the present.”
― Jake Bible, Parkway To Hell

“Dog, now Razor, gazed out from behind a dead man’s face, fresh blood that wasn’t his dripping into his eyes. He looked down at the corpses at his feet, the skinned skull of one staring back at him with dead eyes. Dog knelt down and plucked the orbs from their sockets, popped them in his mouth and chewed with hungry relish.”
― Jake Bible, One Foggy Night

“You really bring things down, Gun,” Shane said. “Why can’t you be jazz hands and show tunes gay instead of practical and buzzkill gay?” “Did”
― Jake Bible, Murder Island

“Was that a rhetorical question?” Boss Five asked. “I’m awful at answering those.” “You aren’t supposed to answer those,” Boss Six said. “They’re rhetorical.” “Perfect,”
― Jake Bible, Salvage Merc One

“Do you even know how offensive you can be sometimes?” “Sometimes,” Wanders replied and shrugged his shoulders. “Most of the time, I just say things and you all tell me after. It’s a system that’s worked so far.” The”
― Jake Bible, Drop Team Zero

“I say cage fight decides,” Max said. “Two douches enter,” Shane laughed, “one douche leaves.” “So you two will be doing the fighting then?” Kinsey smiled. “Good one,” Lucy laughed and offered a high five which Kinsey obliged. “Thorne is Team Leader,” Mr. Ballantine said over the com. “The money decides.” “One financier enters,” Max said, “everyone shuts the fuck up.” “ETA”
― Jake Bible, Mega

“While tips are not expected, they are appreciated,” Max said. “Where to, sir?” “Why can’t you take anything seriously?” Carlos snapped. “You kill people for a living!” “You just answered your own question,” Max said, his tone turning cold. “When you have the amount of blood on your hands that I do, see how far you’ll go just to fight back the darkness.” “Oh...right,” Carlos replied quietly. “Plus the chicks dig the funny ones,” Max chuckled. “They like it when you tickle their funny bones.”
― Jake Bible, Baja Blood

“I found the floor with my face. Blood”
― Jake Bible, The Daedalus System

“My money’s on the smart brother,” Popeye said. “Fuck you!” Max shouted down. “I was talking about you!” Popeye yelled back. “Oh, cool. Thanks!” Max smiled as he looked at his brother. “You’re the dumb one.” “That’s”
― Jake Bible, Mega

“Who’s got no thumbs and totally made best friends with a dragon? This guy!” She”
― Jake Bible, EverRealm

“The universe, eh?” I said. “Those are quite the trials. Is the universe aware that I’m the one handling this? Because the universe may want to pick someone else.”
― Jake Bible, The Daedalus System

“Spotters are ready,” Bach announced, “Snipers, are you ready?” “Ready,” Max said. “You bet,” Shane said. “Born that way,” Lucy said. “I am so calling you Lady Gaga from now on,” Max said. “You”
― Jake Bible, Mega

“You’ll end up in prison and we all know what happens to numbers in prison.” “They are rehabilitated?” Mgurn asked. “In the butt,” Ig said. “They are rehabilitated in the butt. Or similar orifice.” I”
― Jake Bible, Salvage Merc One