Will Cuppy > Quotes

“Never call anyone a baboon unless you are sure of your facts.”
― Will Cuppy

“A hermit is simply a person to whom civilization has failed to adjust itself.”
― Will Cuppy

“We all make mistakes, but intelligence enables us to do it on purpose.”
― Will Cuppy

“The stork is voiceless because there is really nothing to say.”
― Will Cuppy

“It's easy to see the faults in people, I know; and it's harder to see the good. Especially when the good isn't there.”
― Will Cuppy, The Decline and Fall of Practically Everybody: Great Figures of History Hilariously Humbled

“Aristotle was famous for knowing everything. He taught that the brain exists merely to cool the blood and is not involved in the process of thinking. This is true only of certain persons.”
― Will Cuppy

“He had also learned that there is no use murdering people; there are always so many left, and if you tried to murder them all you would never get anything else done.”
― Will Cuppy, The Decline and Fall of Practically Everybody: Great Figures of History Hilariously Humbled

“Intelligence is the capacity to know what we are doing and instinct is just instinct. The results are about the same.”
― Will Cuppy, How to Attract the Wombat

“A few alligators are naturally of the vicious type and inclined to resent it when you prod them with a stick. You can find out which ones these are by prodding them.”
― Will Cuppy

“Just when you're beginning to think pretty well of people, you run across somebody who puts sugar on sliced tomatoes.”
― Will Cuppy

“All modern men are descended from wormlike creatures, but it shows more on some people.”
― Will Cuppy

“There are 2,500 kinds of sponges, all of them consist largely of holes.”
― Will Cuppy

“Armadillos make affectionate pets, if you need affection that much.”
― Will Cuppy

“Unfortunately, this world is full of people who are ready to think the worst when they see a man sneaking out of the wrong bedroom in the middle of the night.”
― Will Cuppy

“You can't do much for the poor, as they are not in with the right people.”
― Will Cuppy, The Decline and Fall of Practically Everybody: Great Figures of History Hilariously Humbled

“Etiquette, or dog in the original Coptic, means behaving yourself a little better than is absolutely essential.”
― Will Cuppy, How to Be a Hermit, or a Bachelor Keeps House

“Whales are silly once every two years. The young are called short-heads or baby blimps. Many whale romances begin in Baffin's bay and end in Procter and Gamble's factory, Staten Island.”
― Will Cuppy, How to Tell Your Friends from the Apes

“Infant wart hogs resemble both sides of the family.”
― Will Cuppy, How to Attract the Wombat

“The average sparrow is something of a bore and the trouble is that all sparrows are average.”
― Will Cuppy, How to Tell Your Friends from the Apes

“The call of the yellow-billed cuckoo of North America is often mistaken for a bloodhound drinking a bowl of milk. He goes coulp coulp coulp.”
― Will Cuppy, How to Tell Your Friends from the Apes

“If an animal does something, we call it instinct. If we do the same thing for the same reason, we call it intelligence.”
― Will Cuppy

“Ah, well! We live and learn, or, anyway, we live.”
― Will Cuppy

“Whenever a kangaroo puts his paws on your shoulder and gives you a big grin, that is the time to leave.”
― Will Cuppy, How to Attract the Wombat

“As llamas have never heard of oxygen, they do not miss it.”
― Will Cuppy

“The Pike is the meanest and most vicious of fresh-water fishes. This is caused by heredity and environment, or unfortunate social conditions in the water.”
― Will Cuppy, How to Become Extinct

“It is really surprising what may be done in the home with a small can of paint, if you aren't careful.”
― Will Cuppy, How to Be a Hermit, or a Bachelor Keeps House

“Either you like Henry VIII or you don't. He has been much criticized for beheading two of his wives. In a way, he has only himself to blame. Any man who beheads fwo of his wives musf expect a little talk. He shouldn't have done it, but you know how those things are. As a matter of fact, Henry merely let the law take its course, but some people feel that a really thoughtful husband would have done something about it,”
― Will Cuppy, The Decline and Fall of Practically Everybody: Great Figures of History Hilariously Humbled

“Pike spawn in February, March, and April because they cannot wait until May.”
― Will Cuppy, How to Become Extinct

“Egypt has been called the Gift of the Nile. Once every year the river overflows its banks, depositing a layer of rich alluvial soil on the parched ground. Then it recedes and soon the whole countryside, as far as the eye can reach, is covered with Egyptologists.”
― Will Cuppy, The Decline and Fall of Practically Everybody: Great Figures of History Hilariously Humbled

“The pre-frontal region of the Peking man resembles that found in some parts of the Middle West.”
― Will Cuppy