Steven Sisler > Quotes

“Your failure to read the clues given by others will always result in a collision of some sort if you are not careful. Becoming a master of behavioral clues is one thing, using your insight to elevate others and improve communication is another thing. Use this power in the right way and you will not only increase your brainpower, you will also increase your horse-sense and heart-sense.”
― Steven Sisler, The Four People Types: And what drives them

“The ability to “people read” is an important tool for understanding what some are unable or unwilling to express verbally. Not only that, but it is vital for negotiation, dating, business partnerships, marriage, and other important relationship dynamics. It is for this reason that those who are better at finding relationship success have likely learned how to accomplish this on some level. Although mastering this technique can make you a much better communicator, not paying attention to it can be harmful to your relationship success.”
― Steven Sisler, The Four People Types: And what drives them

“In other words, I know I’m worthy and wonderful even though I’m not currently working the job I initially wanted. Or I still believe in myself even though you may not believe in me. And because I understand the difference between the two, I can afford to wait until the better job opens up or until an opportunity arises that I can boldly take hold of. I can do so in simple belief that it will work out for me. Or I can wait until you figure out what you want in regards to a relationship. You “not believing in me” is your issue and it stands apart from me as a person.”
― Steven Sisler, The Four People Types: And what drives them

“Those who have the welfare of others in mind will find ways to maximize words that build while minimizing words that destroy.”
― Steven Sisler, The Four People Types: And what drives them

“We communicate through three fundamental avenues—words, gestures and spirit.8 All of these are observable in one form or another. Our words are observable through the listening process, by the person who listens. Words have two possible outcomes when received by another. These words can either give life (or emotional health) or take it. Anyone who has ever been on the receiving end of a killer word knows this to be true.”
― Steven Sisler, The Four People Types: And what drives them

“The ability to understand unspoken messages that show up within facial expression such as annoyance, confusion, or disinterest is, at times, more important than your ability to send these communications. It is for this reason that comprehending this rudimentary idea of communication is a fundamental must in our approach to understanding each other in a more mature and successful manner.”
― Steven Sisler, The Four People Types: And what drives them

“Gestures are actions that communicate negative and positive signs. When a person smiles, it can be a positive sign that can brighten another’s day and give them strength to move ahead. A wink, a nod or any small token gesture can be the turning point in someone’s life. We must be aware of the impact that gestures make in the communication process. The lack of gesture can leave many people in the dark. People instinctively look for signs of approval by observing gestures. This is how children learn before they actually understand language.”
― Steven Sisler, The Four People Types: And what drives them

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” This may be one of the biggest lies ever placed on children. Words do hurt. Like emptying a pillow of feathers into the wind, it’s impossible to gather them back. The great King Solomon said, a word not fitly spoken can be like stealing a person’s coat in the dead of winter or pouring vinegar into an open wound.”
― Steven Sisler, The Four People Types: And what drives them

“The common thread in all these terms is what I call the “cide” effect. This is why decision-making is really about deciding (de-cide-ing) or killing off the objects and stuffs in our lives that are harmful to the self, hateful towards others, hideous to both, and a hindrance to our future. Decisions are meant to do away with the harmful belongings we carry with us, while harnessing the healthiness available to us.”
― Steven Sisler, The Four People Types: And what drives them

“To begin with, there are three important aspects about being human: We are not alone and we are wired for meaningful connection. We travel in packs (families, friendships, social groups, and sub-groups). Our behavioral decisions always include the fact that we live in community and will always directly or indirectly reflect this shared existence with other people—like it or not.”
― Steven Sisler, The Four People Types: And what drives them

“The people reading process, as powerful as it may be, also has its limitations. Intelligence, education, training, experience, and skill sets are all areas that this process will not always uncover. Understand this; the behavioral indicators that we can see or intuitively feel, which are transferred through the people reading process will only include the how of a person’s behavior, not necessarily the why of that behavior (in most instances).”
― Steven Sisler, The Four People Types: And what drives them

“It’s when we sit up and say our final goodbyes to our self-image, and the illusions we’ve created around this image, in an attempt to impress others and ourselves. It’s the moment of choosing to be okay with ourselves. Whether it is our job, the college degree we worked so hard to get, or our new exciting girlfriend or boyfriend, whatever personal worth we’ve been attaching to these trophies is now and forever deceased—intentionally buried by a good-self overseeing the death that counts.”
― Steven Sisler, The Four People Types: And what drives them

“This is part of being real. No facades. No masks. No competition. It’s the beauty of being and it has no strings attached to. When our experiences are shared, there are no secrets. This personal place of satisfaction does not in any way mean we are lazy or without a sense of personal responsibility or urgency. It’s more like believing we are good enough—worthy enough—as we are. It is the opposite of focusing our attention on what we believe we should be based upon the ideas of those around us.”
― Steven Sisler, The Four People Types: And what drives them

“This is what being content is all about. No longer are we running a competitive race against others. Instead, we are watching it and enjoying it as a shared experience. Being content is when we become wise observers rather than needy performers focused on our own accomplishments. It’s about not having to win or prove anything to anyone ever again—and this includes not having to prove things to ourselves.”
― Steven Sisler, The Four People Types: And what drives them

“You might be tempted to think I’m anti self-improvement5 at this point, but that would be a mistake. It’s not really a question of if we want to make behavioral improvements. The question is more about why we believe we need to make them—why we feel desperate to make them. Sure, we all make steady behavioral improvements of one kind or another throughout our lives. That’s normal as it’s a part of living and growing. But I’m talking about impulsive, irrepressible, and unnecessary improvements—image improvements. Those that occur when we believe the lie that says we’re not good enough and we secretly preoccupy ourselves with thoughts of how we can modify our behavioral image to better fit the opinions of others. Or when we have an unhealthy interest in who we are not and feel we must change it or suffer the supposed consequences.”
― Steven Sisler, The Four People Types: And what drives them

“Contentment is all about letting go of the need to perform or to be recognized for that performance. I know it’s a tall order, but being utterly content with who we are, where we are, as we are, and why we are, with no need to perform for others or to extrapolate other people’s opinions about something we might have accomplished, is life altering.”
― Steven Sisler, The Four People Types: And what drives them

“The emotionally intelligent will usually be aware of their hyper-flexibility and may check their impatience at the door before entering a meeting. Sometimes they may announce the fact that they are pressed for time thus lessening the chances another will belabor their point and disrupt their schedule. It’s never a good idea to mask your feelings and emotions from others especially if they end up on the receiving end of an emotion that could potentially be destructive. Honesty is truly the best policy for many of these situations.”
― Steven Sisler, The Four People Types: And what drives them