Chris Onstad > Quotes

“The saddest thing is a retarded man who is crying and promising a broken egg that it will still be a chicken some day.
And that they'll play together in a field when it gets better.”
― Chris Onstad

“I wish in the past I had tried more things 'cause now I know that being in trouble is a fake idea.”
― Chris Onstad

“The saddest thing is a little girl who is told by her own mother and father that she will never be pretty.

And then they open the front door, and on the porch is a little white suitcase, with all of her things in it.”
― Chris Onstad

“It's kind of like... It's kind of like playin' a basketball game. I am there and the other player is there, and it's just the two of us and I put the other player's body in my van. And I am the winner.”
― Chris Onstad

“If you think about it even medium-hard, launching a scared little dog into space with no intention of getting it back is a seriously fucked thing to do.”
― chris onstad

“Welcome to the only game in town.”
― Chris Onstad

“College is just a place where they let you pay them to tell you things you should be getting paid to learn on the job. TRUE.

Don't take that teat, baby. That is a raw tittie. College is a red raw areola, and instead of milk it releases highly acidic French dressing. --"Ray's Place" 1/6/04”
― Chris Onstad

“Fire is not a thing. It is a situation of temperature.”
― Chris Onstad

“Dude, you didn't fugue, you were just berserk. That's like comparing a lunatic to a pissed guy with goals.”
― Chris Onstad, The Great Outdoor Fight

“The saddest thing is an old bag lady, freezing to death in the snow on Christmas Eve, and the last thing she sees is a family in a nice warm diner getting beheaded by the Taliban.”
― Chris Onstad

“He threw on a cardigan and some track pants and tried to say a goodbye that meant come back again.”
― Chris Onstad

“YOU GONNA STAND THERE WITH YOUR BUTT ON THE BACK OF YOUR BODY OR ARE YOU GONNA GET IN ON THIS, BEEF?”
― Chris Onstad, The Great Outdoor Fight

“The saddest thing is when the toilet from an abandoned space station falls back to earth, lands upside-down on a child who was playing alone in the backyard, and smooshes them into the shape of half a hard-boiled egg.
...And when they lift the toilet off of the child, two lips at the top of the bloody mound say, on their dying breath, "I love you, mommy.”
― Chris Onstad

“I was glad to have the opportunity, but now I am glad to be rid of it. The constant violence, or the impending threat of it, and the toll of seeing so many casualties, over time, has enveloped me in an environment that weighs as heavily as a wool shroud even on pleasant days. To be the tiller at the wheel of man's hatred for man should be a tour of duty, not a career. - Ashley Crandall”
― Chris Onstad

“Téodor, we hoped you would shine during the cooking event, but you folded with a focus and intensity normally seen only in successes.”
― Chris Onstad, The Collected Achewood Blogs

“Elected officials laugh when a butcher, presented with a pig, wastes the squeal.”
― Chris Onstad, Achewood volume 6: The Dude Is From Circumstances