Andrea Bonior > Quotes

“Passengers on a bus: You’re driving a bus. Passengers (your thoughts) get on, and passengers get off. Some stay longer than others, but they all eventually leave the bus. Some smell; some yell; some even tell you you’re taking a wrong turn. And some smile and make your day. Either way, you know your route and it’s not up to you to do anything but keep driving the bus.”
― Andrea Bonior, Detox Your Thoughts: Quit Negative Self-Talk for Good and Discover the Life You've Always Wanted

“But for those of us who would like to make some headway on those onerous tasks that would truly make us feel better once they’re in our rearview mirror, I offer an old CBT trick called the five-minute rule. What’s the idea?

Here it goes: you pick the task you want to work on, and you vow to work on it for five minutes, and five minutes only. Yes, you must stop after just five minutes. “What can I possibly get done in five minutes?” you ask yourself. But that is the procrastinator talking, the voice that would at this very moment lobby for doing nothing rather than doing anything at all. Are you going to listen to that voice? Don’t. So let’s ask again: What can you get done in five minutes? Five minutes more work than you would have done otherwise, and often the hardest part of all.”
― Andrea Bonior

“Resentment and even hate can be natural - for a while. But they are often kept alive because we feel that's the only way to remember what was done to us.”
― Andrea Bonior, Detox Your Thoughts: Quit Negative Self-Talk for Good and Discover the Life You've Always Wanted

“Socrates once declared the unexamined life not worth living. But it has also been pointed out that the unlived life is not worth examining.”
― Andrea Bonior, Psychology: Essential Thinkers, Classic Theories, and How They Inform Your World

“If you’re on the receiving end of the benefits, try for small but frequent displays of gratitude, no matter how token or inadequate they might seem. (Ironically, one of the most frequent reasons that people fail to adequately thank someone for over-the-top generosity is that it feels inadequate “just” to send a card, make dinner, or deliver a bouquet. How sad to fall into this trap, since doing nothing is obviously the most inadequate thing of all!)”
― Andrea Bonior, The Friendship Fix: The Complete Guide to Choosing, Losing, and Keeping Up with Your Friends

“Living for the experience - not its narration, or its comparison with others' experiences - is ultimately what a truly fulfilling life is made of.”
― Andrea Bonior, Detox Your Thoughts: Quit Negative Self-Talk for Good and Discover the Life You've Always Wanted

“Remember that your past investment was not in vain. It is not wasted if you choose to use it to know yourself better and be more insightful in the future.”
― Andrea Bonior, Detox Your Thoughts: Quit Negative Self-Talk for Good and Discover the Life You've Always Wanted

“We all screw up, and it's natural to have feelings about it.”
― Andrea Bonior, Detox Your Thoughts: Quit Negative Self-Talk for Good and Discover the Life You've Always Wanted

“You can, and you will. Your thoughts are never bigger than you are.”
― Andrea Bonior, Detox Your Thoughts: Quit Negative Self-Talk for Good and Discover the Life You've Always Wanted

“Don’t keep waiting for motivation or willpower. Your environment can work for you much, much sooner.”
― Andrea Bonior, Detox Your Thoughts: Quit Negative Self-Talk for Good and Discover the Life You've Always Wanted

“In modern life, we have come to view boredom as something to be avoided, but boredom has a brilliant underbelly, a meaningful purpose. It allows for space and light. It gives your mind some room to breathe and meander.”
― Andrea Bonior, Detox Your Thoughts: Quit Negative Self-Talk for Good and Discover the Life You've Always Wanted

“Horney put forth the idea of basic anxiety, which refers to a child’s perception of being helpless and alone in a scary and dangerous world. When a child’s relationship with his or her parents is problematic, this anxiety spikes. Horney theorized that parental inconsistency, lack of warmth, or failure to consider a child’s emotional experience threaten the parent-child bond, and that the child then tries to minimize the resulting anxiety by developing defense mechanisms. Eventually, this pattern can make its way into the child’s personality and lead to the development of more permanent traits. This”
― Andrea Bonior, Psychology: Essential Thinkers, Classic Theories, and How They Inform Your World

“theory led to Horney’s hypothesis of 10 neurotic needs, which she saw as so overwhelming and all-encompassing as to define a person. She classified the neurotic needs into three categories: those that compel us to comply (the need for affection, the need for a partner, and the need for simplifying life), those that lead us to withdraw (the need for independence and the need for perfection), and those that make us aggressive and turn us against other people (the need for power, the need to exploit, the need for prestige, and the need for personal achievement). These needs become neurotic only when they exist at dysfunctional levels or come into play too indiscriminately and too extremely in daily life. Most of us, Horney believed, can navigate these needs in healthy ways and reduce our interpersonal conflicts. And the more secure, tolerant, loving, and respectful our family life has been, the greater our chances of doing so. On the other hand, for a person who has developed neurotic needs, dysfunctional behavior can beget still more dysfunctional behavior and lead to the creation of vicious circles (or cycles). Moreover, Horney felt that healthy people see themselves as they are, while a neurotic person’s identity is split into a despised self and an ideal self. It’s the gap between these two concepts of self that continues to perpetuate anxiety and neurosis. Horney”
― Andrea Bonior, Psychology: Essential Thinkers, Classic Theories, and How They Inform Your World

“How Do You See Your Negative Thoughts? Negative Thought How It Passes Cold, hard ice Gradually melts and disappears entirely Thick, dark smoke Eventually dissipates and moves past to reveal a blue sky Crunchy, black dirt Flows down the drain as you wash your hands Leaves on a stream Float down a waterfall and steadily”
― Andrea Bonior, Detox Your Thoughts: Quit Negative Self-Talk for Good and Discover the Life You've Always Wanted