Alex Karne > Quotes

“Matter exists in five distinct states: solid, liquid, gas, plasma, and paperback. Gasses expand to fill all available space, and books are no different. Once they reach critical mass, they explode outward into every nook and crevice of a dwelling.”
― Alex Karne, Soul Guardian

“It had been decided that the apocalypse would begin on Christmas Day. There had been some haggling over the specific time, but in the end, they had decided it had to come late enough that everyone would get to open their presents, but before they realized that the batteries were missing.”
― Alex Karne, Soul Guardian

“You can’t be the head of the Disciplinary Committee and Disciplinary Oversight Commission!” Lucy protested. “That’s unethical!”

“I can assure you, it’s not,” Bael-Sharoth, head of the Ethics Committee replied. “We investigated them both, and found no wrongdoing.”

“That’s insane!” Lucy shouted.

“No, it’s not,” Bael-Sharoth, head of the Pedantry Department, corrected her. “That’s just large-scale organizational politics.”
― Alex Karne, Soul Guardian

“Ever since that little girl paid him a visit, the books had been restless, even going so far as to venture from the back stacks on their own and create displays of “staff favorites” in an attempt to leave.

“Nobody’s favorite book is a thesaurus!” Granny argued with a thick leather-backed tome as he tried to wrestle it back to the shelf where it belonged. “Especially an out of date dinosaur like you!”

But the book wouldn’t budge. It knew in its heart that someone somewhere was looking for another word for “amazing,” and it would be the one to help them. And that the experience would be awesome, incredible, and wonderful.”
― Alex Karne, Soul Guardian

“The dust bunny warrior emerged from the vacuum cleaner bag like a butterfly from a cocoon. It surveyed the appliance store, noticing the weapons of the broom wielders all around him. Hoover, Kirby, Dirt Devil, all familiar names to a warrior. Many of its tribe had fallen to war machines such as these.

The dust bunny felt the static of hatred deep in its fluff. Somehow through fate or good fortune it had managed to enter the armory of the broom wielders undetected. Such an opportunity could not be wasted.

It picked up the lighter Yavik had so carelessly left behind. The dust bunny was pleased. This was its chance to strike a blow that would turn the tide of the war!”
― Alex Karne, Soul Guardian

“There were many tales of souls challenging death to games (usually hide and seek, though chess was also popular) in a futile attempt to extend their lives. But Murphy had something different in mind.

Fueled by a potent mix of rage and infernal magic, Murphy kicked what remained of his powertrain into four-wheel drive. Let’s see how he likes Tug of War, Murphy thought as he revved his engine and took off into the night.”
― Alex Karne, Soul Guardian

“Finally, of all the things she could have said, one word came to her. She wanted to be eloquent, she wanted to be clever, but all she could come up with was one word.

“Try,” she said. “I know you don’t think you’re good enough, but I need you to try.”
― Alex Karne, Soul Guardian

“Hellhounds were not shackled by base desires such as lust,”
― Alex Karne, Soul Guardian

“She was completely colorblind, (which was rare for a woman). But even she could see that was a huge red flag.”
― Alex Karne, Soul Guardian

“but he had a soft spot for the asexual succubus.”
― Alex Karne, Soul Guardian