Danger Slater > Quotes

“Startled, I accidently knock over my inkwell. A black tsunami of ink sprawls out across the page, engulfing the tiny village of my words. They are swept away into the midnight sea. Gone forever. I am bereft.”
― Danger Slater, Love Me

“Carpet Peeum”
― Danger Slater

“Everyone is an asshole," says Libby. "I suppose all you can hope to be is a lighter shade of brown.”
― Danger Slater, Stranger Danger

“Now listen here, I’m not gay. I’m as far from gay as you can possibly get - be-hee-hee-lieve me on that one! I love me some pussy. Football. Domestic beer. Poker. World War II movies. T- bone steak. Big dogs. Money. I’m not down with any of that queer shit...
...but if this car were to ask me to suck its dick, I totally would.”
― Danger Slater, Stranger Danger

“My tribesmen and I party deep into the night, drinking and dancing and going balls-to-the-wall, slap-yo-grandma buck-ass wild, just as the Chief had instructed. Also, I found out that the term “balls-to-the-wall” is not just a figure of speech here, and the drunken islanders and I spent a good portion of the evening just stumbling around the village, rubbing our nutsacks on various buildings and things”
― Danger Slater, DangerRAMA

“But who knows where we’ll wake up tomorrow.”
― Danger Slater, DangerRAMA

“The house-juice is ankle deep now, virulent stomach secretions dissolving my shoes, eating away at my toes like a hundred tiny boy scouts with a hundred tiny pocket knives.”
― Danger Slater, DangerRAMA

“The next step is too pornographic to describe in intimate detail, suffice it to say, I once videotaped myself applying the salve and won three Adult Video News Awards, including Male Performer of the Year.”
― Danger Slater, Love Me

“whenever you open your wallet, whenever you hand over your hard-won dollars, you’re basically voting. You’re telling the world which multinational conglomerate best understands you as a person.”
― Danger Slater, Roadvolution

“I’ve woken up all of this country – all over the world – and I’ve seen it everywhere. The neon salvation. The neon cancer. The neon promise that everything is going to be okay.”
― Danger Slater, DangerRAMA

“The smile on Finger’s face gets even wider as he motions to something behind me. I slowly turn on my heel. There, sitting in the doorway to the cargo hold, is a giant bloody brain. My Brain, refabricated and reformed, just like Finger. More brain than man. A puddle of clear, syrupy cerebrospinal fluid spreads out beneath it, continually leaking from its myriad sulci and gyri.”
― Danger Slater, DangerRAMA

“What the fuck could possibly happen next? Well, here’s what the fuck happened next:”
― Danger Slater, He Digs a Hole

“It’s Tuesday afternoon and I’m somewhere alone in the middle of the Universe, perched on top of a retractable table, fucking this vacuum cleaner senseless when all of a sudden communications cut out.”
― Danger Slater, DangerRAMA

“And”
― Danger Slater, DangerRAMA

“I pat my pocket where my original finger sits. I suppose it never hurts to have a spare.”
― Danger Slater, DangerRAMA