Tony James Slater > Quotes

“Please don't follow in my footsteps. I'm already knee-deep in them, and am sinking rapidly...”
― Tony James Slater

“And then came the three-toed sloth. Stupid sloth. It was a crazy-looking beastie, all arms and bristling grey fur; its body was a blob, the kind of shape a six-year-old would draw for a pig, and its face was flattened like a racoon that had run full tilt into a brick wall. A triangular stub of a nose jutted out at an angle beneath a fringe that must have been difficult to see through. In fact, from side-on it looked disturbingly like John Lennon.”
― Tony James Slater, That Bear Ate My Pants!: Will Boy Become Man? Or Will Boy Become Breakfast...

“often tell me how lucky I am, to live in a country where cheap flights to dozens of exciting destinations are so readily available. They never understand why England doesn’t completely empty into Prague or Budapest every weekend. What they don’t appreciate is that to take advantage of these cheap flights, one must generally get to London; and that getting to London, from almost anywhere else in the country, is either dramatically more expensive, or considerably less pleasant, than the flights in question. Usually both.”
― Tony James Slater, Can I Kiss Her Yet?: A True Tale of Love, Marriage... and Camels

“I must have been a very naughty boy in a previous life to end up with two left feet and the grace of a dead hippopotamus.”
― Tony James Slater, Can I Kiss Her Yet?: A True Tale of Love, Marriage... and Camels

“every country has pest animals – but it’s not often that they’re bigger than we are. Or that they outnumber us – thirty-four million roos, against the twenty-three million-strong population of Australia.”
― Tony James Slater, Kamikaze Kangaroos!: A trip around Oz in a van called Rusty

“Thank God that bloke has shoes,” they were saying to themselves, “judging by the state of what’s hanging out of his jeans! Now if only he could afford some underwear…”
― Tony James Slater, Kamikaze Kangaroos!: A trip around Oz in a van called Rusty

“I love being able to go down the road to the corner shop and buy a pint of icy-cold milk in the morning, instead of having to trek miles through muddy countryside to squeeze a cow.”
― Tony James Slater, Can I Kiss Her Yet?: A Wedding Memoir... With Camels

“I was in Ecuador.”
― Tony James Slater, That Bear Ate My Pants: A Hilarious Travel Memoir... with Teeth and Claws!

“the stoicism of a generation that had survived the Second World War, and the practicality of outlook that went with it.”
― Tony James Slater, Can I Kiss Her Yet?: A True Tale of Love, Marriage... and Camels

“You know you’ve been travelling with someone for too long when you can read their “OH SHIT!” body language even though you’re sitting behind them. Gill’s head and neck went suddenly stiff, which can’t have been healthy, given the terrain we were bouncing over. “But…” her mental gears were spinning so frantically I could almost smell them burning. “But… Lauren… you’re not American, are you?” “I SURE AM!” Lauren sounded a little indignant, but that was all. “Oh!” said Gill, “Sorry! We all thought you were Canadian!” And somehow, unbelievably, she’d pulled it off.”
― Tony James Slater, Kamikaze Kangaroos!: A trip around Oz in a van called Rusty

“crew”
― Tony James Slater, Don't Need The Whole Dog!: Watch Out, Paradise... Trouble's Coming!

“I often wonder about this sort of thing. You’re running a jet full of 500 passengers. Do you pack 250 chicken and 250 squid medley? Really? Or do you think, ‘Hm, more people seemed to opt for the chicken and rice, rather than the fish tentacles in slime. In fact, this has been the case on every flight for the last ten years. Maybe this time I’ll take more chicken and less octopus…’ Obviously, that thought process has never taken place.”
― Tony James Slater, Can I Kiss Her Yet?: A True Tale of Love, Marriage... and Camels

“Alas,”
― Tony James Slater, That Bear Ate My Pants: A Hilarious Travel Memoir... with Teeth and Claws!

“5:30am is a fairly magical time the world over; almost everything is quiet, like the calm before the storm; nothing seems the same, caught in the half-light of dawn, and devoid of the chaos normally associated with the waking world. But I’ve seen all that shit. And I’d still rather be in bed.”
― Tony James Slater, Kamikaze Kangaroos!: A trip around Oz in a van called Rusty

“He just had time to register that these troops had come from beyond the range of the pinecone, when the first laser blasts sizzled past him.”
― Tony James Slater, Warden's Vengeance

“When I was fourteen, I was still convinced I could be a ninja when I grew up. To be honest, I still am.”
― Tony James Slater, Can I Kiss Her Yet?: A True Tale of Love, Marriage... and Camels

“I’ve read books where someone is described as a ‘bear of a man’. I always picture an excessively hairy, thick-bearded fella dressed in a full-length pelt like a Viking.”
― Tony James Slater, Kamikaze Kangaroos!: A trip around Oz in a van called Rusty

“Any fan of Douglas Adams can tell you, when setting off on an adventure such as this, you must always know where your towel is.”
― Tony James Slater, Kamikaze Kangaroos!: A trip around Oz in a van called Rusty

“Do it. Even if you think you don’t want to. Whatever the adventure is that you’re afraid of, face the fear and do it anyway. Make a change in your life. Attempt something different. Let your spirit fly free! Go far, far away, and never look”
― Tony James Slater, Can I Kiss Her Yet?: A True Tale of Love, Marriage... and Camels

“Australians suffer from a pathological inability to use complete naming-words, and must shorten everything and add an ‘o’ on the end. Don’t ask – it’s the law.”
― Tony James Slater, Kamikaze Kangaroos!: A trip around Oz in a van called Rusty

“I thought about this for a few seconds. “I’m not very good though,” I admitted. This is a cunning double bluff used by many males of the species, giving rise to two possible scenarios; either losing badly, and therefore being proved both right and honest, or winning handily and being proved both skilful and modest about it. “Nah, me neither,” he lied.”
― Tony James Slater, That Bear Ate My Pants: A Hilarious Travel Memoir... with Teeth and Claws!

“that holy grail of tourism: a photograph without half-a-dozen people in flip-flops and Hawaiian shirts in the background.”
― Tony James Slater, Can I Kiss Her Yet?: A True Tale of Love, Marriage... and Camels

“just how much of our conversation he could eavesdrop on.”
― Tony James Slater, That Bear Ate My Pants: A Hilarious Travel Memoir... with Teeth and Claws!

“Thailand is a very difficult country to leave, you see, and diving there is a whole load of fun. Still, it’s not renown as a quick path to riches – and anyway, I was rubbish at it.”
― Tony James Slater, Kamikaze Kangaroos!: A trip around Oz in a van called Rusty

“it’s hard enough to get by when you can’t understand the language, but when the locals can’t either? That’s when you know you’re screwed.”
― Tony James Slater, Shave My Spider!: Six Months Around the Weirdest Bits of Asia

“kinkajou.”
― Tony James Slater, That Bear Ate My Pants: A Hilarious Travel Memoir... with Teeth and Claws!

“maze of industrial buildings, following a route he knew well. Grass grew in the middle of the first alleyway he took us down, and I had the feeling it hadn’t seen much traffic in the last decade. What the hell was going on here? Then he pointed out a tiny sign nailed onto the corner of a warehouse in front of us. ‘BREAKFASTS’ it said, in flaking brown letters. A row of slightly newer cars filled the gap between it and the”
― Tony James Slater, Don't Need The Whole Dog!: Watch Out, Paradise... Trouble's Coming!

“Strange, isn’t it, how such small events in your past can make a big difference in your future?”
― Tony James Slater, Kamikaze Kangaroos!: A trip around Oz in a van called Rusty

“I’ve always loved climbing trees, so when the Track passed right by one of Australia’s biggest it was impossible to resist.”
― Tony James Slater, Kamikaze Kangaroos!: 20,000 Miles Around Australia. One Van, Two Girls... And an Idiot.

“banns’. This is a weird English custom dating back to the twelfth century, where couples have to give official notice of their intention to marry several weeks in advance – presumably giving time for anyone to come forward if they know the bride and groom are secretly related.”
― Tony James Slater, Can I Kiss Her Yet?: A True Tale of Love, Marriage... and Camels