Humor Quotes Quotes

“Writers don't get mad they get even in their novels.”
― Candace Bowen Early

“Far below, I heard Cacus bellowing as millions, maybe even thousands of filthy gallons of water slammed into him. Meanwhile, Annabeth alternately shouted, gagged, hit me, called me endearing pet names like, "Idiot! Stupid--dirty--moron--" and topped it all off with "Kill you!”
― Rick Riordan, The Demigod Diaries

“And your excuse?' I asked.
'I'm a sociopath; I don't have to be nice,' Nicky said.
I gave him a look.
'You're mad at him.I can feel it; which means I really don't have to be nice to him.'
'I thought you were friends.'
'What part of sociopath didn't you understand?' he asked.”
― Laurell K. Hamilton, Affliction

“Please don't follow in my footsteps. I'm already knee-deep in them, and am sinking rapidly...”
― Tony James Slater

“A professional headshot in front of a bookshelf says you're an intellectual. A professional headshot peeking though a bookshelf says you're probably under a restraining order.”
― Ryan Lilly

“The boldest little girl places her fists on her hips and sneers up at me. "You're too big to be a ballerina."
My arms cross over my chest. "Yeah? Well you're too small to ride the really fun roller coasters."
She sticks her tongue out at me.
I stick mine out right back.”
― Carli J. Corson, It's a Love/Skate Relationship

“Buying hundreds or thousands of dollars' worth of stuff in order to look classy, stylish, and expensive won't work if you don't know how to wear a 20-dollar dress and look like a million bucks.”
― Elena Levon

“You know what I could use? A thrill.”
― Jim Moorman

“What if you do the banana peel slip and tumble like a comedy superstar? But hold your hats, my intrepid spirit; what if you unleash the power of those magical wings and soar like a dazzling phoenix? Embrace the slapstick mishaps, for they're just part of the comedy show leading to your grand finale! So, let's unleash your wit and fly into the unknown, where laughter and greatness await your sensational performance!”
― lifeispositive.com

“I felt better after shopping, more normal. And more than that looked cool, which almost made up for being in mortal danger, an international fugitive, and a partial amnesiac.”
― Lisa Unger, Sliver of Truth

“Lost in a city you've lived in for most of your life? Pretend you're a tourist.”
― Ashley Poston, The Seven Year Slip

“Money… we work for it, beg for it, kill for it, die for it, and worship it like a god. How ironic, that we should put so much importance in something that has no value whatsoever.”
― René Normandeau, The Television Media Paradigm

“Do what you think is wise, for I am staring at the skies.”
― Stephan Pastis, Squirrel Do Bad

“Humor can, and should, be consecrated. We grant that it is a power difficult to manage, but when it is under proper control, it more than repays for all the labor spent on it. Children do sad damage with gunpowder, but what a force it is when a wise man directs its energy.”
― Charles H. Spurgeon, Eccentric Preachers: Spiritual Lessons and Insights from God’s Peculiar People [Updated and Annotated]

“There are no words for how much I don't care.”
― Katherine Center, The Rom-Commers

“There are only a few things in life that are as utterly reprehensible as listening to a surfer recount his or her waves.”
― Steve Deep, BOOKSTORE BY THE SEASHORE

“Amuse. Confuse. Diffuse.”
― T/R Ellison, The Chladni Progression: The Power to Heal, an Occam's Edge Novel

“…if you pardon the pun.”
“I do NOT pardon your puuun!”
― H.C. Roberts, Harp and the Lyre: Exchange

“save money - lose honey”
― Kedi Ganapati

“We feel in poop and came out smelling like rose.”
― Andy Weir, Project Hail Mary

“Telegram@bestsupplies1 Buy Cocaine online in Goulburn”
― HeinSeverloh, Wn62( Memoires a Omaha Beach Normandie 6 Juin 1944)[FRE-WN62][French Edition][Paperback]

“Telegram@bestsupplies1 Buy Cocaine online in Sunshine Coast”
― Helena Hunting, Pucked Over

“Telegram@bestsupplies1 Buy Cocaine online in Melbourne”
― Helena Hunting, Eye Candy

“Telegram@bestsupplies1 Buy Cocaine online in Geelong”
― Helena Hunting, Cracks in the Armor

“Telegram@bestsupplies1 Buy Cocaine online in Whyalla”
― Nick Alexander, From Something Old

“We clap and cheer as the couple shares their first married kiss. Then they head back up the aisle and Alexa leans in. "Are you ready to hora?"
I frown. "What did you just call me?”
― Carli J. Corson, It's a Love/Skate Relationship

“Okay, so I'm beyond shitty at math, but even I can't screw up this equation currently ripping me in half: the Blizzard's hockey rink seats about 2,400 spectators, which means there are roughly 1,200 people cheering for me to score . . . and 1,200 people screaming for me to choke.”
― Carli J. Corson, It's a Love/Skate Relationship

“I ignore it, Charlie. I'm a pacifist." He musters a slight shrug.
"Yeah? Cool. I'm not." Without much concern for my own well-being, I stride up to Gavin Davis, grip him from behind, and slam his broad back against the nearest locker, holding him there with my forearm across his beefy neck.”
― Carli J. Corson, It's a Love/Skate Relationship

“And how could he know the character of the country? By finding out the sense of humor of the country. For if you want to understand a thing, you have to understand its sense of humor.”
― Rebbe Nachman of Breslov

“Unless a drop of water is consumed by the day's heat and rises to the heavens, it cannot bring forth its nourishing rain upon the earth— The Winter King: The Rise of Nicholas by Mark Streuber

Life has little meaning without a place to protect and loved ones to come home to. Find your home, Nicholas. Fill it with the laughter of many children, for it is there that you will find your greatest happiness and your greatest reward— The Winter King: The Rise of Nicholas by Mark Streuber

What more could a man want than a good conscience, good friends, and a woman as lovely as you— The Winter King: The Rise of Nicholas by Mark Streuber

If it be a vision, it will not let loose of you, for it may depend on you for its completion— The Winter King: The Rise of Nicholas by Mark Streuber

Who can stand against his conscience and live honorably? The Winter King: The Rise of Nicholas by Mark Streuber

What is goodness without strength? The Winter King: The Rise of Nicholas by Mark Streuber

Trust is a hard thing to come by… but it comes easier between friends— The Winter King: The Rise of Nicholas by Mark Streuber

The world is a living, moving thing, but it should not confuse us. Though it can be unpredictable, its wonders can be understood and made certain. To the one who takes the time to observe what is, what is not, and what can be, the world is no longer magical but familiar— The Winter King: The Rise of Nicholas by Mark Streuber

There is no joy in war. And yet we are more than happy to welcome it as a friend when it suits our purpose— The Winter King: The Rise of Nicholas by Mark Streuber

That is the natural order of his world. If you are good to him, he may return the favor. If not, he may leave a lump of coal in your bedroll— The Winter King: The Rise of Nicholas by Mark Streuber

I said there was not much magic in the world— but there is some. One day, we elves will discover how the trees do this. Then it will no longer be magic— The Winter King: The Rise of Nicholas by Mark Streuber

We will now become as those of other nations. We will live short, pithy lives, and our years will be as a vapor and a mist. This, too, is a pity— The Winter King: The Rise of Nicholas by Mark Streuber

Today, I am found to be a killer. I would be any man who is not so— The Winter King: The Rise of Nicholas by Mark Streuber

All men must examine their actions, whether good or bad. But do not let this one event lead you into the dark places where there is weeping and the gnashing of teeth. For in the dark places, there is no wise council— especially your own. Seek the light, Nicholas, and stay amongst friends, for they will not let you slink into those places where you think you belong— The Winter King: The Rise of Nicholas by Mark Streuber

You are not a man of war, Nicholas— we have determined this. The sleigh is the right place for you. Just keep your speed and do not let the powder fall upon you, and you’ll be fine,” he chuckled. And don’t hurt my reindeer— The Winter King: The Rise of Nicholas by Mark Streuber”
― Mark Streuber