Thomas J. DeLong > Quotes

“This book serves as a reminder that the only sign of life is growth, and it provides a guide for following a growth path. No one has to be doomed to a life controlled by anxieties in which we allow our careers, not to mention our souls, to fade away. Life can be an endless adventure of possibilities. Through self-awareness, with a support network to help us along the way and over the rough patches, with a specific plan, by putting one foot in front of another, you can fly without a net. You can move past the fears and stories of your past that have paralyzed you into inaction. You can rid yourself of the constant internal conversation you have had in the past that froze you in one job, one place, one time.”
― Thomas J. DeLong, Flying Without a Net: Turn Fear of Change into Fuel for Success

“More specifically, don’t settle into the routine that so many “comfortable” professionals settle into. Don’t be content to just do your job. I’m not suggesting you have to work for ten different companies in ten years, but within your own organization, numerous opportunities exist for learning and growth. Volunteer for a team. Ask your boss for a stretch assignment. Spend time talking with people in other functions. Go to trade shows where you have the chance to meet people from other companies. Serve on internal or external (e.g., trade group) committees where you get to work with experts whom you ordinarily wouldn’t get to work for.”
― Thomas J. DeLong, Flying Without a Net: Turn Fear of Change into Fuel for Success

“Do you feel separated from the core of the company and feel like your office is an island?”
― Thomas J. DeLong, Flying Without a Net: Turn Fear of Change into Fuel for Success

“The more we care, the more we worry, and though we have the best of intentions, our intense anxiety can cause us to approach a person or a problem in the wrong way. Worry clouds our judgment, and we end up making bad decisions because of it.”
― Thomas J. DeLong, Flying Without a Net: Turn Fear of Change into Fuel for Success

“It was simply a process whereby we would ask others what we should stop (St), keep (K), and start (S) doing, given a particular role we might have as a teacher, friend, spouse, father, mother, etc.”
― Thomas J. DeLong, Flying Without a Net: Turn Fear of Change into Fuel for Success

“The trap of busyness is that it’s so much a part of us that we simply don’t get what’s really going on. We expect to be busy; we don’t know what to do when we’re not. In fact, the trap of busyness causes us to move with such mindless speed that we’re like the proverbial chicken running around with his head cut off. We plunge into our e-mails and meetings with a manic energy that forbids reflection, deeply honest conversations, and breaks from the routine.”
― Thomas J. DeLong, Flying Without a Net: Turn Fear of Change into Fuel for Success

“There’s a term in pop psychology circles called stinking thinking, and it essentially means that people allow their thoughts to run away in negative and often illogical directions. Don’t let that happen in these situations. Instead, keep reminding yourself that a problem in one area does not mean that there’s a problem in another area. Keep returning your focus to the specific issue, and recognize when you’re allowing your worry to spread in illogical and unproductive directions.”
― Thomas J. DeLong, Flying Without a Net: Turn Fear of Change into Fuel for Success

“Yet this larger issue of purpose is always in the back of our minds, especially if we’re high-need-for-achievement professionals. We want to feel what we do matters. We want to believe that we’re making a difference. If we feel we’re just “doing a job,” it doesn’t matter how well we’re doing it. Without purpose, we allow anxiety to creep in, and that anxiety makes it difficult, if impossible, to find the achievement and satisfaction we seek.”
― Thomas J. DeLong, Flying Without a Net: Turn Fear of Change into Fuel for Success

“As a high-need-for-achievement individual, you’ve set ambitious goals for yourself. That’s fine. But there’s a difference between ambitious goals and unrealistic ones. Some people are set on making their first $1 billion before age forty or becoming CEO of a Fortune 500 company before age fifty. When you fixate on unrealistic goals and fail to achieve them, you become bitter and cynical. Instead of resetting your goals realistically, you take out your disappointment on others. You blame others for failing to choose you for the top spot.”
― Thomas J. DeLong, Flying Without a Net: Turn Fear of Change into Fuel for Success

“In response, we hunker down, blocking ourselves from new challenges. We become locked into our routines, focusing on tasks that we know we do well and ignoring challenges and opportunities that might stretch our capabilities.”
― Thomas J. DeLong, Flying Without a Net: Turn Fear of Change into Fuel for Success

“What I’m really saying is that the essence of life is when to say yes and when to say no.” He further explained, “Say yes to adventure and no to folly. And only you can know the difference.”
― Thomas J. DeLong, Flying Without a Net: Turn Fear of Change into Fuel for Success

“But consider two other options that can get you past your anxiety and help you muster the courage to change and grow aligned with your purpose: • Seek full engagement with your work. • Demand straight talk rather than ambiguity.”
― Thomas J. DeLong, Flying Without a Net: Turn Fear of Change into Fuel for Success

“There’s a term in pop psychology circles called stinking thinking, and it essentially means that people allow their thoughts to run away in negative and often illogical directions.”
― Thomas J. DeLong, Flying Without a Net: Turn Fear of Change into Fuel for Success

“Put the past in the past”
― Thomas J. DeLong, Flying Without a Net: Turn Fear of Change into Fuel for Success

“You get the idea. Be aware that we all are being called upon to change in ways that are foreign to us. We can no longer maintain the status quo and expect to prosper in our organizations. To avoid being like Steve, we must be courageous enough to do something different than what we are doing.”
― Thomas J. DeLong, Flying Without a Net: Turn Fear of Change into Fuel for Success

“Our identity has to do with how we tell the story about ourselves. This is worth repeating. What is important is not necessarily the actual story about ourselves but the story we tell ourselves about our personal journey.”
― Thomas J. DeLong, Flying Without a Net: Turn Fear of Change into Fuel for Success

“Most professionals from young consultants to CEOs are reluctant to try something new for fear they’ll look dumb, awkward, hesitant, and so on. As a result, they stick with what they know at the expense of taking risks, stretching themselves, and being innovative.”
― Thomas J. DeLong, Flying Without a Net: Turn Fear of Change into Fuel for Success

“Whether we’re adolescents trying to gather the courage to ask a girl to dance or driven professionals trying to take on a fresh challenge, we need to overcome our anxiety, gather our courage, and allow ourselves to be vulnerable. It’s the only way we’re going to move from one quadrant to the next; it’s the only way we’re going to grow.”
― Thomas J. DeLong, Flying Without a Net: Turn Fear of Change into Fuel for Success

“Whatever it is, think about it often and hold it close. It will help you keep moving forward and prevent you from being derailed by the anxiety that arises during different stages of your journey.”
― Thomas J. DeLong, Flying Without a Net: Turn Fear of Change into Fuel for Success

“She suggests that when individuals feel stuck and experience psychological paralysis, they need to think about contrasts. She recommends beginning the process by doing the opposite of whatever you are doing.”
― Thomas J. DeLong, Flying Without a Net: Turn Fear of Change into Fuel for Success

“here are the criteria for full engagement: •   A feeling that the values of the place you work are aligned with your values •   A feeling that senior management are aligned with one another •   Some clarity that your daily tasks are leading you in the career direction in which you want to go •   A belief in the work you do—an inner sense that this work represents your calling •   Recognition that your skills and knowledge are being used wisely •   A lack of dissonance between your work expectations and your work realities”
― Thomas J. DeLong, Flying Without a Net: Turn Fear of Change into Fuel for Success

“Engagement isn’t a given. It doesn’t just happen. You need to take responsibility for making adjustments so that you can again work purposefully; you can’t expect organizations to do it for you.”
― Thomas J. DeLong, Flying Without a Net: Turn Fear of Change into Fuel for Success

“I would urge you to find your own measure for providing a constant reminder that you’re on track (or not) and help you avoid falling into the comparing behavior trap.”
― Thomas J. DeLong, Flying Without a Net: Turn Fear of Change into Fuel for Success

“They use busyness to avoid engaging in the type of reflection that can help them learn something about their weaknesses as a manager, to avoid taking on an assignment or making a decision that might reveal they aren’t as knowledgeable or in control as they’d like people to think.”
― Thomas J. DeLong, Flying Without a Net: Turn Fear of Change into Fuel for Success

“Anxiety operates like an emotional vise, tightening around hard-charging professionals and limiting their range. They may understand on some level that if they were able to display empathy, be more transparent, and admit when they did something wrong, they would be better at their jobs and more satisfied doing the work. Anxiety, though, often prevents people from exhibiting vulnerabilities. As we’ll see, it keeps people locked in place, both literally and figuratively.”
― Thomas J. DeLong, Flying Without a Net: Turn Fear of Change into Fuel for Success

“I’ve boiled the suggestions contained in this book into six steps that may facilitate the practical application of it: 1. Stop to reflect, with self-awareness. 2. Let go of the past. 3.  Create a vision or specific goal with an agenda. 4.  Seek support through mentors and a network. 5. Don’t blink. 6.  Take action that makes you vulnerable. These”
― Thomas J. DeLong, Flying Without a Net: Turn Fear of Change into Fuel for Success

“leaders must stop thinking in terms of having two separate roles—usually one that they love and the other that they feel obligated to perform—and instead start thinking about overarching behaviors that are integral to who they are as leaders.”
― Thomas J. DeLong, When Professionals Have to Lead: A New Model for High Performance

“Purpose, therefore, can help high-need-for-achievement professionals clear a path through the anxiety toward achieving their ambitious goals.”
― Thomas J. DeLong, Flying Without a Net: Turn Fear of Change into Fuel for Success

“Like busyness and comparing, blame is a trap we set for ourselves to cover up the anxieties that drive us to do what we do, act how we act, and be the kind of person we may not want to be. All three of these traps are serious stuff, but there’s one more trap you should know about, and it has become the most enticing and devastating trap of them all. In some ways, it lays the foundation for the other three traps. I’m talking about worry.”
― Thomas J. DeLong, Flying Without a Net: Turn Fear of Change into Fuel for Success

“Setting direction, getting commitment, executing, and setting a personal example are the essential activities that comprise our leadership model.”
― Thomas J. DeLong, When Professionals Have to Lead: A New Model for High Performance