Shane Dawson > Quotes

“I just don’t have the willpower to hit up the gym every day for two hours, and the idea of cutting candy out of my diet seems impossible.”
― Shane Dawson, I Hate Myselfie: A Collection of Essays by Shane Dawson

“I'm going to H*ll.”
― Shane Dawson

“Our breakup broke the record for the most mutual parting of ways in history. Here’s the text-message conversation: Me: Hey . . . should we break up? Canadian: Ya probably. Me: Ok. Canadian: Did you watch Hoarders last night? Me: Ya! I can’t believe that woman ate her dead dog thinking it was jerky. Canadian: I know! Crazy! Me: Well . . . goodbye I guess. Canadian: Do we have to unfollow each other on Twitter? I’d rather still follow you. You have funny tweets. Me: No way. I never unfollow anyone. That’s so tacky. Canadian: Agreed.”
― Shane Dawson, I Hate Myselfie: A Collection of Essays by Shane Dawson

“If you're passionate about something, give it your all, and you will find happiness.”
― Shane Dawson, It Gets Worse: A Collection of Essays

“I know the old saying “Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels.” Well, nothing tastes as good as being alive either.”
― Shane Dawson, I Hate Myselfie: A Collection of Essays by Shane Dawson

“I'm here to tell you that it gets worse. It really does. The problems you have as a kid will seem ridiculous when you get older because bigger and worse problems will come along. But you will learn to deal with them easier as you grow up, or, like me, you'll just stop giving a shit. So yes, it gets worse, but you know what gets better? Your tolerance for the bullshit.”
― Shane Dawson, It Gets Worse: A Collection of Essays

“If you can't laugh at yourself, then what the fuck is the point of living?”
― Shane Dawson

“And to this day we are still kissing each other with the same amount of passion. It’s been more than three years, and I still feel like there’s more to unwrap. Every day I get a glimpse of what’s inside. I hope it never ends.”
― Shane Dawson, I Hate Myselfie: A Collection of Essays by Shane Dawson

“Side note: What is that crotch pad for? Is it to protect the vagina from the impact of a big wave? Or maybe to have a stronger barrier between vagina and sand? I can imagine how uncomfortable a sandy vagina is. Almost as uncomfortable as when sand would get in my loose under-boob skin. See, women, I relate to you.”
― Shane Dawson, I Hate Myselfie: A Collection of Essays by Shane Dawson

“The only person who had ever wanted to fuck me was a homeless lady who used to stand outside of Ralphs and tell me I had a “sad face that she wanted to sit on.”
― Shane Dawson, I Hate Myselfie: A Collection of Essays by Shane Dawson

“CAROLisWET: And my vagina. Ilikenipplerings: ?!?!?!!?!! CAROLisWET: Yep. All 8 inches of it.”
― Shane Dawson, I Hate Myselfie: A Collection of Essays by Shane Dawson

“It’s a twisted land of self-hatred, sadness, and lots of repressed anger toward every person who’s ever hurt me.”
― Shane Dawson, I Hate Myselfie: A Collection of Essays by Shane Dawson

“Now this isn't meant to make anyone feel like college is a waste of time, because for so many people it's not. But don't go because you feel like you have to. If your heart isn't in it, then why spend four years of your life stuck somewhere you don't want to be?”
― Shane Dawson, It Gets Worse: A Collection of Essays

“Selling bracelets to old ladies isn't as cute when you are a teenager with constant accidental boners.”
― Shane Dawson

“She must have been dealing with a lot of issues that made her take out her anger on me. It doesn’t make it right but it makes it slightly understandable.”
― Shane Dawson, I Hate Myselfie: A Collection of Essays by Shane Dawson

“And to this day we are still kissing each other with the same amount of passion. It´s been more than three years, and I still feel like there´s more to unwrap. Every day I get a glimpse of what´s inside. I hope it never ends.”
― Shane Dawson, I Hate Myselfie: A Collection of Essays

“All those years I had thought my first choice would be Sour Patch Kids but then I realized God had a different plan for me. Peanut butter and chocolate. Praise the Lord.”
― Shane Dawson, It Gets Worse: A Collection of Essays

“To everyone who gets me, thank you. To everyone who doesn't, thank you too. You give me the motivation to keep succeeding just to piss you off.”
― Shane Dawson, It Gets Worse: A Collection of Essays

“Isn’t that weird how you never see a fat kid eat? We always do it in private, as if we are fooling anyone. How sad. As”
― Shane Dawson, It Gets Worse: A Collection of Essays

“And nowadays, I keep my promises.”
― Shane Dawson, It Gets Worse: A Collection of Essays

“Some were better than others, but they all had one thing in common: they were terrible.”
― Shane Dawson, I Hate Myselfie: A Collection of Essays

“Ya. Some guys never learn.”
― Shane Dawson, It Gets Worse: A Collection of Essays

“If you're passionate about something, give it your all, and you will find happiness.”
― Shane Dawson, It Gets Worse: A Collection of Essays”
― Shane Dawson, I Hate Myselfie: A Collection of Essays

“Me: Actually my name is Shane.
Allan: I know. I was testing you to see if you would correct me. And you did. You failed.”
― Shane Dawson, I Hate Myselfie: A Collection of Essays

“The word "YouTuber," even though - listen, I love YouTube, and I would never, ever abandon it, but I think when somebody says "Youtuber" it says "Oh, they talk about what they ate that day." That's not me - I do way more than that.”
― Shane Dawson

“I wanted to know what Gucci Gang ment and when I serched it up it said; 'Gucci Gang Gucci Gang Gucci Gang Gucci Gang Gucci Gang Gucci Gang'. well, now I know!”
― Shane Dawson