David J. Lieberman > Quotes

“Sometimes people who adamantly assert an opinion or view don't even hold it themselves.”
― David J. Lieberman. Ph.D.

“Whenever you are questioning a person’s desire for something, consider what he does, not necessarily what he says.”
― David J. Lieberman, YOU CAN READ ANYONE

“The guilty are uncomfortable with silence.”
― David J. Lieberman. Ph.D.

“Forgiveness doesn't mean that we deny the hurt, forget that it happened, or recuse the offender of responsibility or accountability; it means that we're not going to destroy our potential, to harm us anymore. At its core, forgiveness is a choice to give up our role as a victim.”
― David J. Lieberman, Never Get Angry Again: The Foolproof Way to Stay Calm and in Control in Any Conversation or Situation

“The pursuit of comfort is basically the avoidance of life and not only denies us genuine pleasure but also short-circuits the entirety of our well-being.”
― David J. Lieberman, Mindreader: The New Science of Deciphering What People Really Think, What They Really Want, and Who They Really Are

“you plan on being anything less than you are capable of being, you will probably be unhappy and angry all of the days of your life.”9”
― David J. Lieberman, Never Get Angry Again: The Foolproof Way to Stay Calm and in Control in Any Conversation or Situation

“Psychologist and marketing guru Ernest Dichter, known as the “father of motivational research,” explains that when human beings become fearful, most will regress to soothing, even infantile, behaviors and animalistic drives to distract themselves from, and channel, their anxiety.”
― David J. Lieberman, Mindreader: The New Science of Deciphering What People Really Think, What They Really Want, and Who They Really Are

“Fear exists because of a loss of control.”
― David J. Lieberman, Mindreader: The New Science of Deciphering What People Really Think, What They Really Want, and Who They Really Are

“Learn the best psychological strategy to help keep any employee or customer from ever leaving you.”
― David J. Lieberman, Make Anyone Loyal

“But wait a minute! Doesn’t misery love company? Actually it does. Miserable people like to be around others who are just as annoyed with life as they are. But this quality does not make them like these people more. Someone who feels miserable enjoys”
― David J. Lieberman, Get Anyone to Do Anything: Never Feel Powerless Again

“The typical characteristics of the egocentric mentality are arrogance and bravado, but even a submissive
personality who is seemingly void of ego can also be self-centered and selfish. He is consumed by his own pain, filled with self-pity, and unable to feel anyone else’s pain while drowning in his own. Such a person experiences no real connection to anyone outside of himself, despite his seemingly noble nature. He will not—cannot—burden himself unless he receives a larger payout in the form of acceptance or approval. His taking is disguised as giving. His fear is dressed up as love. (He may also be motivated by the need to assuage feelings of guilt or inadequacy, yet still his aim is to reduce his own suffering, not someone else’s.)”
― David J. Lieberman, Mindreader: The New Science of Deciphering What People Really Think, What They Really Want, and Who They Really Are

“Self-esteem is keenly observed as a reflection of one’s relationships and manifests in three main domains: one’s history and patterns, interactions and exchanges, and borders and boundaries.”
― David J. Lieberman, Mindreader: The New Science of Deciphering What People Really Think, What They Really Want, and Who They Really Are

“commiserating and complaining with another miserable individual, but the minute he’s in a good mood he will abandon the toxic, annoying person. He seeks solace with somebody who feels as he does, but when he no longer feels that way he will instantly leave this relationship. This is because he never liked the person (at least not for this similarity); he enjoyed only the shared attitude.”
― David J. Lieberman, Get Anyone to Do Anything: Never Feel Powerless Again

“The process of growth appears to be a closed system, in which every component depends on the previous one to exist, and progression or regression moves incrementally. To summarize: our ability to maintain self-control helps us to make better choices. Consequently, our self-esteem is increased, which automatically deflates the ego. A smaller ego, of course, means greater perspective. Greater perspective, in turn, makes it easier for us to maintain self-control, and so the process moves forward or backwards, depending on our willpower to rise above our nature and make good choices. Enhanced emotional health can be achieved by bypassing this measured process, and moving past this closed circuit. Beyond taking immediate action when we are inspired by flashes of perspective, being able to accept ourselves completely organically purges the ego, which automatically taps us into an undistorted reality. Once we do this, then our eyes”
― David J. Lieberman, If God Were Your Therapist

“The lower our self-esteem in general—and how much the uncomfortable truth affects our self-image in particular—the more fearful we become.”
― David J. Lieberman, Mindreader: The New Science of Deciphering What People Really Think, What They Really Want, and Who They Really Are

“When we routinely succumb to immediate gratification or live to protect and project an image, we become angry with ourselves and ultimately feel empty inside. To quiet the unconscious gnawing that says, I don't like me, we do whatever we can to feel good. We long to love ourselves, but instead we lose ourselves. Unable to invest in our own well-being, we spiral downward to the hollow, self-destructive refuge of activities that take us away from the pain: excessive eating, alcohol or drug abuse, and meaningless diversions and excursions. These ethereal delights mask our self-contempt, and because the happiness we seek instead results in greater pain, we descend further into despair - and into hiding.”
― David J. Lieberman, Never Get Angry Again: The Foolproof Way to Stay Calm and in Control in Any Conversation or Situation

“The process of growth appears to be a closed system, in which every component depends on the previous one to exist, and progression or regression moves incrementally. To summarize: our ability to maintain self-control helps us to make better choices. Consequently, our self-esteem is increased, which automatically deflates”
― David J. Lieberman, If God Were Your Therapist

“The ego corrupts our mindset in five ways: (a) It chooses what we focus on, (b) it makes what we see all about us, (c) it concludes that all negative experiences are due to a deficiency within ourselves, (d) it
magnifies the relevance of our focus, and (e) it causes us to believe that we can think our way out of a situation that is beyond our control or understand something that is unknowable.”
― David J. Lieberman, Mindreader: The New Science of Deciphering What People Really Think, What They Really Want, and Who They Really Are

“To the extent that we don't love ourselves, our willingness to endure short-term pain for long-term gain wanes. Who wants to put in effort, enduring heartache and hardship, for someone whom they don't even like?”
― David J. Lieberman, Never Get Angry Again: The Foolproof Way to Stay Calm and in Control in Any Conversation or Situation

“If you give out of fear or guilt, your self-esteem is not enriched; indeed, it is only diminished. You aren’t really giving; the other person is taking. You are being taken advantage of, with your consent.”
― David J. Lieberman, Mindreader: The New Science of Deciphering What People Really Think, What They Really Want, and Who They Really Are

“The ego corrupts our mindset in five ways: (a) It chooses what we focus on, (b) it makes what we see all about us, (c) it concludes that all negative experiences are due to a deficiency within ourselves, (d) it magnifies the relevance of our focus, and (e) it causes us to believe that we can think our way out of a situation that is beyond our control or understand something that is unknowable.”
― David J. Lieberman

“Passivity manifests in complaining and blaming because these behaviors are both self-focused and correlate to feelings of helplessness. These people are likely to make frequent complaints with the accompanying message that no one will do anything about them and make demands to mobilize feelings of guilt and responsibility in those around them. Their pain is, they tell you, the result of someone or something else outside of themselves (e.g., “You make me sad”; “All this noise makes me feel anxious”). This is not to say that a correlation does not exist, but a complete lack of ownership over one’s emotional state points to a mood disorder because, quite logically, if how we feel is directly determined by an external cause, then we, too, would become anxious and ultimately depressed.”
― David J. Lieberman, Mindreader: The New Science of Deciphering What People Really Think, What They Really Want, and Who They Really Are

“We need to love ourselves in order to feel good about who we are. This love is called self-esteem.”
― David J. Lieberman, Make Peace with Anyone: Breakthrough Strategies to Quickly End Any Conflict, Feud, or Estrangement

“لكن كيف بإمكاننا الفوز باحترام الذات؟ نستطيع أن نحصل عليه عندما نُقدم على ما هو صحيح بدلاً عما هو سهل،”
― David J. Lieberman, ‫كيف تغير تصرفات أي شخص‬

“Take a simple scenario: a child does not listen to a parent. •  Guilt (Maybe I’ve done a poor job parenting.) •  Disrespect (How dare he not listen to me!) •  Rejection (He doesn’t love me.) •  Embarrassment (If others are around, what do they think of me?) •  Fear (What’s going to become of him? What will become of our relationship?) •  Injustice (After all I’ve done for him.)”
― David J. Lieberman, Never Get Angry Again: The Foolproof Way to Stay Calm and in Control in Any Conversation or Situation