Alex Savage > Quotes

“Turns out, you don't need a dark lord to end the world anymore. You just need a corrupt accountant and a missed payment.”
― Alex Savage, Undercover Archmage 3

“We operate exactly like a cult. A heavily armed cult. We just possess better dental coverage and a higher body count.”
― Alex Savage, Undercover Archmage 3

“Once more I found myself reflecting that we really needed to rethink our policy of handing loaded firearms to teenage Wizards with trust funds.”
― Alex Savage, Undercover Archmage 3

“Every cup of coffee I have ever served has been strategic. You don't deliver news that the world might be ending without first ensuring the recipient has adequate hydration and a biscuit within reach. It's basic politeness.”
― Alex Savage, The WarMage of Arkley 2

“Everything I am is a wall around two dirty bowls in a sink, and I would burn down considerably more than a star to keep them there.”
― Alex Savage, The WarMage of Arkley 3

“This is the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. And I once punched an Archduke of Hell in the balls.”
― Alex Savage, Accidental Succubus Wrangler

“Look, boy, most of you don't make it past the first week anyway. Just try not to bleed on the floor. I just mopped.”
― Alex Savage, Monster Girl Sheriff: A Men's Urban Fantasy Harem LitRPG

“You can get to a certain shape of tired where you will accept, as a bed, any horizontal surface that isn't currently on fire.”
― Alex Savage, The WarMage of Arkley 2

“My kid was safe, happy, and currently plotting my immediate downfall. Just as it should be.”
― Alex Savage, The WarMage of Arkley 2

“But the funny thing about being a dad is that the universe doesn't actually care if you spent the entire night saving it. Seven in the morning still rolls around at maximum volume.”
― Alex Savage, The WarMage of Arkley

“Dying, it turned out, was remarkably similar to a wet Tuesday night in Arlington.”
― Alex Savage, Undercover Archmage

“I'd spent my whole life being a sword for kings and a shield for a realm that broke anyway. I didn't have any more epic hero left in me. But I thought I did have a lot of father left.”
― Alex Savage, The WarMage of Arkley

“Ravenwick was built in 1643 by people who were worried about the seventeenth century, and its defenses have been improved since then by absolutely nobody.”
― Alex Savage, Undercover Archmage 5

“Nobody shoots at you while you're painting a wall. The wall doesn't have a mana signature. The wall just needs another coat.”
― Alex Savage, Undercover Archmage 4

“You were asked to woo the woman and you’ve instead gone and been decent at her in a corridor, which is the same thing done backwards and much slower.”
― Alex Savage, Undercover Archmage 5

“I'll just add 'saving the world' to my to-do list, right under 'laundry' and 'not getting evicted.”
― Alex Savage, Undercover Archmage 3

“The thing about a compromise nobody understands is that nobody can tell whether they've lost.”
― Alex Savage, Undercover Archmage 5

“One sock is not packing, Daddy. One sock is giving up.”
― Alex Savage, The WarMage of Arkley 2

“A femoral is a femoral, in Pittsburgh or the sandbox or... wherever the hell I was now. And when you've got your hands around one, you don't stop to ask for permission.”
― Alex Savage, Chirurgeon

“Counterpoint. You’re an emotionally repressed weapon of the state with a gun fetish. But I suppose you do have nice shoulders, so I’m inclined to keep you around.”
― Alex Savage, Undercover Archmage 2

“Bins still out front, mind. The apocalypse doesn’t get you out of bin night.”
― Alex Savage, The WarMage of Arkley 3

“I have been thirty-one years in this post and have never yet found a good reason to be the second-cleverest person in a room.”
― Alex Savage, Undercover Archmage 5

“So I will ask you plainly, and I will watch your hands while you answer, because hands lie slower than mouths. What are you?”
― Alex Savage, Chirurgeon

“The golem is on fire now, Professor. The origin of the combustion does not alter the current status of the combustion.”
― Alex Savage, Undercover Archmage 4

“I don’t ask questions I’d have to put in the till.”
― Alex Savage, Accidental Succubus Wrangler

“Nothing exploded. I counted this as the single greatest professional achievement of my entire career.”
― Alex Savage, Undercover Archmage 4

“They lined up. They'd found out the hour they were going to die and the first thing they thought was that there'd be forms.”
― Alex Savage, Monster Girl Sheriff: A Men's Urban Fantasy Harem LitRPG

“I had contingencies for snipers, satchel charges, and drone-guided ordnance. I did not have a contingency for celebrity.”
― Alex Savage, Undercover Archmage

“Spending more hours worrying about variables I couldn’t control wasn’t the sign of good command. It was just anxiety with a better vocabulary.”
― Alex Savage, Undercover Archmage 2

“People have been making us up for a very long time, and then along we come.”
― Alex Savage, Accidental Succubus Wrangler