Darlene Lancer > Quotes

“Don't be a victim of your thoughts.”
― Darlene Lancer

“Authenticity heals. It's real, but messy.”
― Darlene Lancer

“When we let go of our reactions and detach from other people's moods, actions, and words, we take back our power. Instead of reactors, we become self-determined actors in our lives. We take charge of ourselves and decide how we act in that moment and every moment, skyrocketing our self-esteem”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency for Dummies

“Allowing bad behavior rewards it. Behavior rewarded is repeated. Don't wait for your anger to confront.
From "How to Be Assertive”
― Darlene Lancer

“Nevertheless, narcissists cannot see that their partner is giving them the love that they desire, while their partner cannot see that the narcissist is incapable of giving the love they, too, desire. They’re both stuck playing out a drama from their childhoods. See “The Dance of Intimacy.”
― Darlene Lancer, Dealing with a Narcissist: 8 Steps to Raise Self-Esteem and Set Boundaries with Difficult People

“Don't live life like an apology. Be yourself unapologetically.”
― Darlene Lancer

“In fact, it’s said that in every misunderstanding there are six people involved: the couple and two sets of parents.”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“spend several weeks observing your interactions. It’s important to become aware of your words, feelings, behavior, and their impact on others.”
― Darlene Lancer, How to Speak Your Mind - "Become Assertive and Set Limits"

“Despair and depression”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“You may be worrying”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“Critics argue that the definitions include “normal” people, and, therefore, aren’t useful.”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“persistent accusations or pleas for attention or reassurance can produce your worst fear and push them away.”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“and let live: This is my favorite saying. Its meaning is very powerful. When you give yourself permission to do what you want, then you’re able to give others that freedom. It defines correct boundaries. You’re the only one over whom you have power, and only you are responsible for yourself. You discover that your actions create your happiness. The four don’ts: The four don’ts remind you not to focus on, have expectations of, judge, or spend your time thinking about others. Don’t watch. Don’t expect. Don’t judge. Don’t obsess.”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“When you’re tempted to react, try these strategies:”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“Ask yourself the following:”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“Instead, codependents develop a persona in the world that reacts to others, to their own self-criticism, and to their imagined ideal of who they should be. To be acceptable to others and to themselves, you hide who you are and become who you aren’t. You may not even be aware of how self-critical you are but suffer the “tyranny of the should’s” — a phrase coined by psychoanalyst”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“Instead, codependents react and are indirect.”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“Codependents overreact to external events, while ignoring internal cues and feelings.”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“Codependents are by definition “dependent” — dependent on something or someone outside of themselves. Dependency comes from low self-esteem and fear of abandonment. Signs include”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“stating clearly and politely what you think, feel, need, or want.”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“Abandonment in early childhood produces shame, low self-esteem, and insecurity about”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“Codependents joke that, at the moment of death, someone else’s life flashes before them.”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“Fear, driven by shame, is the biggest obstacle to being direct in communication.”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“Often in conjoint therapy, one partner (the pursuer) complains that the other (the distancer) is too busy”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“Common fears that derail communication are fear”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“Codependents have poor communication skills. They’re so preoccupied or emotionally reactive that often they don’t really listen. The other person’s words get filtered through layers of fear and low self-esteem.”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“You may attract unavailable partners”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“Internalized”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“Fear can breed anxiety, and anxiety can create fear.”
― Darlene Lancer, Codependency For Dummies

“Abundance is the truth and the remedy.
Whatever your loss or despair,
Love resides not in the past nor the future.
It dwells untapped within you and all around you – now.
Connect with its unstoppable, ever-flowing and eternal, creative force. God is always present and joy always available.”
― Darlene Lancer