Jonathan Dunne > Quotes

“But some jokes are hilarious until they become true and they’re not so funny anymore.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Lighthouse Jive

“Even if we don’t have a clock, we’re all on the clock – from clocking in and out at work to clocking in and out of this world.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Hearts Anonymous

“My old man always told me never do anything during the day that will keep you awake at night.”
― Jonathan Dunne

“My old man always told me to retrace my steps, but what’s the point if I can’t remember where my feet are, let alone my footsteps...”
― Jonathan Dunne, Hide the Elephant

“Lately, their love had been reduced to yellow emojis.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Lighthouse Jive

“Why can't people just be happy and live?”
― Jonathan Dunne, Lighthouse Jive

“What do you read for pleasure?
Kama Sutra.”
― Jonathan Dunne, The Nobody Show

“The old farmhouse itself won’t cost you a penny, my dear. But it does come with a price.”
― Jon Downes, The Squatter: An Old Castle Novel

“The human being is not being human.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“Sometimes I regret going into that public toilet with your father.’
‘Then practice safe sex, Mama!!’
‘We were! There was a fight in the bar and we took cover in the public toilets!!”
― Jonathan Dunne, Living Dead Lovers

“There’s a certain comfort in knowing what’s gone is gone, but what’s half-gone is pure agony.”
― Jonathan Dunne, The Squatter: An Old Castle Novel

“You can dress up a person all you want, but you can’t dress up their eyes…”
― Jonathan Dunne, Billy's Experiment: An Old Castle Novel

“Look,’ Jesus points out, ‘do you think the guy cleaning the public toilets really wants to be dealing with people’s shit on a Monday morning? No, he does it because it’s in his contract. I’m dealing with people’s shit twenty-four-seven because,’ turning to the hobbled crow and speaking sarcastically, ‘it’s in my contract.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“You see, Richard, I’ve been sort of living with the afterlife for the last few years. A chunk of me broke off and died with my son and husband that night. Ever since the car accident I feel dislocated, dislodged, unhinged, undone, constant déjà vu. Sometimes I hear an echo where I shouldn’t.”
― Jon Downes, The Squatter: An Old Castle Novel

“I wish this country was run by children”
― Jonathan Dunne, Living Dead Lovers

“The only time we stopped having nightmares was while we slept.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Hide the Elephant

“I don't see hair when I see your mohawk. I see attitude.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Hearts Anonymous

“There is nothing in life or the afterlife that can scare me now.”
― Jon Downes, The Squatter: An Old Castle Novel

“My son's got the I.Q. Of a robot but I don't have the dough to send him to school.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Balloon Animals

“Today is the day that I learn women have an innate connection to Mother Nature; a sixth sense for the bitter-sweet cycle of life, whereas men are challenged with five.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“Okay, that’s it! I’ve had enough! I’m going to trade in my Biblical Studies PhD for a hot dog!”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“When we are young, we don’t realise we are young. When we are old we do realise we are old. True freedom we had as children only exists in memory.”
― Jon Downes, The Squatter: An Old Castle Novel

“A house doesn't always make a home...”
― Jonathan Dunne, The Squatter: An Old Castle Novel

“My wife’s contractions, labour, and birth was the most intense biology class of my life; it certainly topped Glugger’s biology classes where we did nothing but burn litmus paper. My wife’s waters just broke! Who cares if it’s alkaline or acidic!”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“See this Swiss army knife, Lawless! It's gotta magnifying glass and a million blades but I only need one, so step right the fuck back!”
― Jonathan Dunne, The Nobody Show

“Everyone loves a good ghost story because it’s just a story.”
― Jon Downes, The Squatter: An Old Castle Novel

“She can be an old dragon,’ the secretary whispered from behind the glass.
‘Dragons don’t exist,’ Molly answered.
‘This one does and she spits fire.”
― Jonathan Dunne, The Squatter: An Old Castle Novel

“The dead are dead every day…and that’s their immortal right.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Billy's Experiment: An Old Castle Novel

“Children become someone else when they talk in their sleep; possessed and speaking the absurd gibberish dialect of Sleeplandia.”
― Jon Downes, The Squatter: An Old Castle Novel

“So how do you know she was a mermaid if you didn’t see her bottom half?”
― Jonathan Dunne, Lighthouse Jive