Jonathan Dunne Quotes

“Look,’ Jesus points out, ‘do you think the guy cleaning the public toilets really wants to be dealing with people’s shit on a Monday morning? No, he does it because it’s in his contract. I’m dealing with people’s shit twenty-four-seven because,’ turning to the hobbled crow and speaking sarcastically, ‘it’s in my contract.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“Today is the day that I learn women have an innate connection to Mother Nature; a sixth sense for the bitter-sweet cycle of life, whereas men are challenged with five.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“Okay, that’s it! I’ve had enough! I’m going to trade in my Biblical Studies PhD for a hot dog!”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“My extended family and I believe the child who walks alone is a festering wound which has turned the house septic. We are looking for the anti…septic.”
― Jonathan Dunne, The Squatter: An Old Castle Novel

“Humour is my best defence, so humour me.
- Hide the Elephant”
― Jonathan Dunne

“You’re wrong about one thing: fairy-tales do exist. Millions of existing parents read existing fairy-tales every night from existing books to kids who, funnily enough...’
‘... exist, yeah, I know. I mean it’s fantasy, not reality.”
― Jonathan Dunne

“Mankind can no longer see himself in the looking-glass. He looks up at the ancient planets, knows nothing about them in his ignorance and innocence, yet he wants to colonise the wise stars. It’s time to open our eyes and look within the looking-glass.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“We’re nothing but monkeys that got lucky…”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“I've shrunk but I haven't lost my colour”
― Jonathan Dunne

“The human being, such a clumsy insect.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“Man came from caves in the beginning and Man will return to caves in the end.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“Faith, ladies and gentlemen, is a knife that slices through birthday cakes and necks with the same blade.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“I’m astounded by the fact that humankind can shoot its children in the face, then send food and blankets to the same blinded children.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“But soon, when the world cries, man will return to the caves of his forefathers to seek shelter from her fiery and furious tears.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“Only when Man has to pay for free things, like air, will he understand what it once was to be a human.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“Extraordinary things happen in ordinary places”
― Jonathan Dunne, Billy's Experiment: An Old Castle Novel

“Seven-year-old Billy Steward was interested in subjects that were either gigantic and light-years away or under a microscope slide in his bedroom but showed no interest in anything else in between. Funnily enough, mould, Billy’s speciality, looked a lot like the interstellar planets of the Milky Way.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Billy's Experiment: An Old Castle Novel

“Never had Big Tom felt more alive as he landed on that soft-limbed bed of death. He let out a final helpless rollicking wail before rolling off his uncomfortably comfortable rigor mortis mattress stuffed with prickling fear and repulsion.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Billy's Experiment: An Old Castle Novel

“Mike walked about the cavernous basement, alarmed at the serious mould infestation and even more perturbed by the slithering amphibians gathering at his feet. Mike traced the black splotches of mould that took him to a blind spot behind the infinite staircase which was very quickly becoming the stairway to Hell.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Billy's Experiment: An Old Castle Novel

“But Dunraven refused to ask God – he may as well be asking Santa to comb the area with Rudolph and his toy sled.”
― Jonathan Dunne, Finding Jesus

“I’m not comparing Gloria to an Indian elephant, but she was just as big in my life”
― Jonathan Dunne, Hide the Elephant