Eliza Crewe > Quotes

“You can love a monster, it can even love you back, but that doesn’t change its nature. This isn’t Beauty and the Beast where my kiss would transform the monster to a prince. If anything, it’s Shrek, and his kiss brings out the ogre in me.”
― Eliza Crewe, Crushed

“Sometimes bad things need to be reminded they're not the only ones who can bite.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“Naivety is cured with time. Stupidity is terminal.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“Like any fatherless child, I've wondered about the man responsible for the glory that is me. Needless to say, it's disappointing to learn he's the kind who'd probably eat his young.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“I'm pretty sure Jo couldn't talk about the weather without somehow including a threat. Forecast today: cloudy with a chance I'll kick your ass.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“What a foolish thing, the human heart, being both fragile and reckless. No wonder we spend such an inordinate amount of time in pain.”
― Eliza Crewe, Crushed

“What do you say to your best friend when you stand at the gates of the gates of hell? Nothing. If it’s your best friend, she already knows.”
― Eliza Crewe, Crushed

“They fight with a bloodthirstiness I wouldn't expect outside a maximum-security prison or suburban PTA meeting.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“It’s illegal, you know,” he murmurs. “Stealing.”
I clear my throat. “Stealing?”
“My heart. I could have you arrested.”
I snort. “For that tiny thing? I’d get a misdemeanor at most.”
― Eliza Crewe, Crushed

“She regards me the same way I would a cat – like I’m distasteful, occasionally entertaining, and not to be trusted not to pee on the rug. Which is completely unfair – I only thought about it once.”
― Eliza Crewe, Crushed

“Crush! Kill! And above all - cackle!”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“Stupid Crusaders with their stupid rules. For a homicidal group, they’re appallingly restrictive.
No, Meda, you can’t leave campus.
No, Meda, you know we have a curfew.
No, Meda, you can’t eat that guy.”
― Eliza Crewe, Crushed

“Death is my art form--when I fight, I'm a ballerina. Graceful. Chi lacks my grace, but makes up for it in energy and enthusiasm. His fighting style is like breakdancing--strong and frenetic with some really sweet moves. Jo's is . . .the Macarena. Ugly but gets the job done.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“Some might call me a “tease”, but don’t believe it. “Tease” implies that I owe him something, that I should feel guilty. As if my flirtation is forced on him and he merely tolerates it for an eventual pay-out. That’s bullshit. We both have goals in our little game; why should his goal (sex) take priority over mine (to mess with his head)? Is it because he’s a man?
In that case I must object on principle. Superhero Meda establishing gender-equality one almost-kiss at a time!”
― Eliza Crewe, Crushed

“But I am not sick, or crazy, or broken.
I am Meda Melange, demon-saint monster girl. I make full-grown men scream in terror. I break bones and drain blood. I turn nightmares into reality.
I am the most powerful creature on earth. I do not wear a leash.”
― Eliza Crewe, Crushed

“I laugh. “How exactly do you see this…” I wave between the two of us, unable to come up with a descriptor
“Beautiful friendship?” he supplies with a devilish grin.
“…going?” I finish, ignoring him. “Us being mortal enemies and all.”
“I prefer the term ‘star-crossed lovers.’”
I snort. “Regardless, it can’t end well.”
“The best romances don’t.”
― Eliza Crewe, Crushed

“Because the dumb slut slept with him, and he’s too nice to–” WHAM, out of nowhere he nose-butts me in the fist!”
― Eliza Crewe, Crushed

“Chi's faith means nothing, because it has nothing to do with me. Chi's faith is blind. He doesn't see me. But Jo does.

Jo always has.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“They say curiosity killed the cat but I am unconcerned. I am smarter, though slightly less evil, than any cat.”
― Eliza Crewe

“I study the little creature in front of me. What is it about these dwarfish little humans? They lack smarts, lack skills and they never seem to have much money. Yet they are powerful little monsters – adults dance to the tunes played by their chubby little fingers. Is it the disproportionately big head? Or the eyes too big for that head? Did I have this effect on my own mother? Was that why she believed in my goodness, despite all evidence to the contrary?
Suddenly the lower lip pokes out and the eyes grow even bigger. I feel a tug in the region where my heart should be… I want to give it things…
Ahhhhhh! Look away! Look away! Evil, ensnaring, hypnotic monster.
Just kidding, but it is kind of cute. I feed it a cracker.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“Colton suspects we’re not just children, that we are, in fact, the terrifying things that go bump in the night. But, no, that’s wrong. Not things that bump. Bumps are clumsy and inelegant. They are sounds made by creatures not at home in the darkness. I don’t bump. I crunch in the night. I crack; I splatter; I splash. But I never, ever bump.”
― Eliza Crewe, Crushed

“A human teenager. One of God’s most misbegotten creatures – big like grown-ups and yet dumb like children.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“I suppose it should bother me to be so hated but, without it, I wouldn’t have the delight of torturing them with my presence. What can I say? My cheerful spirit can’t help but spot silver linings.”
― Eliza Crewe, Crushed

“There’s this guy I came across, not far from here. I thought we could, you know,” he makes a short slashing motion across his neck. “He seems like the kinda guy you’d go for. In a homicidal way, I mean.” “You arranged a murder?” Awww, that’s so sweet.”
― Eliza Crewe, Crushed

“I'm pretty durable, but concrete and I have faced off before. While I didn't die, I wouldn't say I won, either.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“Get him! My hormones scream.
Don’t fall for it, my brain cautions.
Pretty! They whine. Stupid hormones.
Calm down, hormones. We are just pumping him – (really brain, you chose the word pumping?) – for information. He is literally evil. We need to keep our distance.”
― Eliza Crewe, Crushed

“Samson's tapping feet come closer, but again he pauses and knocks on a door. I don't mind. The pauses make it better. They make me wonder whether he's going to come to me, like the anticipation before a kiss. Will he or won't he?

But this is not a love story.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked

“I nod and wave to my enemies like Miss America, pausing to blow kisses at the worst of them as I work my way across the cafeteria with a plate loaded with horridly healthy food.”
― Eliza Crewe, Crushed

“You don't have to be a doormat to be good. Even good people are allowed self-defense.”
― Eliza Crewe, Crushed

“Your death, strange human. I mean, your injury. No murder, just a little maiming. So I can leave. Maiming’s not so bad.”
― Eliza Crewe, Cracked