Betsy Schow > Quotes

“Rule #17: To rescue a princess from magical imprisonment, a handsome prince must first slay the dragon. If one is not available, a large iguana will do in a pinch.”
—Definitive Fairy-Tale Survival Guide, Volume 1”
― Betsy Schow, Spelled

“Because a cage is still a cage, no matter how big or glittering the bars are.”
― Betsy Schow, Spelled

“He flipped his spiked tail straight into the air in what could only be interpreted as an obscene gesture.

Rexi duplicated it in human form. “Right back atcha.”
― Betsy Schow, Spelled

“Girl of Emerald, no man can tame. Burn down the world, consumed by flames.”
― Betsy Schow, Spelled

“You never know what you're gonna find under those covers - Grandma or the wolf." Little Red, excerpt from Tales From the Hood”
― Betsy Schow, Spelled

“No need to panic. I was the heroine in this story, so everything would get fixed somehow.”
― Betsy Schow, Spelled

“An ill-worded wish is worse than a curse...”
― Betsy Schow, Spelled

“True love is like a stalactite meeting a stalagmite. Complete opposites, but with time, calcium, and a healthy drip system, they meet in the middle. Or one crushes the other. It really depends.”
― Betsy Schow, Spelled

“Hope is like a balloon. It seems like it swells up just so someone else can pop it in your face.”
― Betsy Schow, Spelled

“There’s really nothing to fear but fear itself. And trolls. Fear and trolls. Oh, and I guess gigans and dragons too. And can’t forget wicked witches. Yeah, I guess there really is a lot to fear.”
― Betsy Schow, Spelled

“Dear Grimm, we’re not in Emerald anymore.” I started to hyperventilate.

Rexi remained sprawled on her back. She barely opened an eye at my hysterics. “Duh.”
― Betsy Schow, Spelled

“That's the thing about love: the best kind isn't easy of instant, and you often get roughed up a bit on the way.”
― Betsy Schow, Spelled

“Our family became spelled after my ancestor pixed off two evil witch sisters. The witches’ curse was supposed to doom my great- great- great grandmother to turn evil and torch the world— except the spell wasn’t worded right. It didn’t spec-ify which Emerald princess. So ever since, all the girls in the Emerald family have been stuck inside, since there’s no way to know what generation will inherit the curse.”
― Betsy Schow, Spelled

“First, I spit out a mouthful of dirt. Then, I screamed at the sky. “That’s it! I’ve had it! Everything is trying to kill me! All I did was make one stupid wish. Aladdin made three. I’m the hero of this story, so where’s my happy ending, already? It’s not fair.”

Rexi bent over, trying to catch her breath. “You know what’s not fair? Spending Muse Day as a toad just because the kitchen ran out of frog legs. Or being volunteered for this little journey. So build a bridge, then make like a billy goat and get over it already because no one is listening.”
― Betsy Schow, Spelled

“A ferocious growl drew my gaze to the back of the room, where a hairy beast wore a yellow ball gown. I tried to block out the memory of Beauty in that dress earlier this evening.”
― Betsy Schow, Spelled

“Someone told me I'd find a princess of great worth here. One with the strength to be the hero this realm needs."
He stared at me with those unsettling blue eyes. They were cold, like ice water - made me shiver from head to toe. Then his gaze seemed to search even deeper. Finally, he looked through me, like I was nothing. In brisk steps, he strode across the marble to the courtyard. But before crossing the threshold, he turned back to glare at me with his lip curled ever so slightly. "It seems she was mistaken."...
I felt my own lip curl in response. How rude! Who the Grimm was this peasant to judge me? I was wearing a Glenda original. Original! Not some fairy-godmother knockoff worn by those servant girls turned royal. I was a crown princess, for the love of fairy, and no one dismissed me.”
― Betsy Schow, Spelled

“I'm an intern with the Union of Fairy Godmothers...”
― Betsy Schow, Spelled

“Snark is a fabulous defense mechanism.”
― Betsy Schow

“No way. I would rather lick a toad. I would let a wicked old hag bake me into gingerbread before I married this son of a bas-ilisk who had the gall to look amused while I hyperventilated.”
― Betsy Schow, Spelled

“Ow! That…” A little ball of fur chewed on my slippers, not caring that my feet were still inside. I’d never seen another creature like it. It had the auburn- colored body of a lion cub, but it also had nubby horns, wings, and a dragon’s tail. Its little black talons scratched at my leg; then it stared at me with accusa-tory ice- water blue eyes.

“No pixing way! Prince Kato?”
― Betsy Schow, Spelled

“There is nothing in there that doesn't deserve to get burned”
― Betsy Schow, Spelled

“True love is lake a stalactite meeting a stalagmite. Complete opposites, but with time, calcium, and a healthy drip system, they meet in the middle. Or one crushes the other. It really depends.”
― Betsy Schow

“Though all the major fairy tale families were coming tonight, I wouldn't exactly call any of them friends. Aside from the once-a-year gathering, I never spoke to any of them, except the occasional chat on Flitter with Cinderella, since we shared a love of designer footwear.”
― Betsy Schow, Spelled

“Thank you for cracking open the barrier, by the way. I’ve been meaning to stop by for ages but never had the chance until now. It’s such a shame I have to kill you. You would have made an excellent villain. After all, you’ve caused more damage in one afternoon than most henchmen do in a lifetime. And I didn’t touch your parents. The blame for their loss lies squarely on your shoulders.” She punctuated the your by pointing the mirror in my direction.”
― Betsy Schow, Spelled

“You never know what you're gonna find when you look under those covers - grandma or the wolf.”
― Betsy Schow, Spelled

“What manly task may I perform for you?"
"If you care for me at all, you'll slay a dragon."
"Such a simple task to prove my devotion? For you, I will gladly take up this quest. Why, by the age of ten, I had already felled my first ogre.”
― Betsy Schow, Spelled

“Verte was the kingdom's head sorceress, oracle, palace grump, and the only reason I hadn't died of sheer boredom.... One time, I blew up her caudron trying to make soup. In retaliation, she sent me a billy goat that ate my entire closet's contents.”
― Betsy Schow, Spelled

“All the trouble stemmed from my body image issues. I just couldn’t escape the mirror. It lied; the reflection I saw of myself was horrifying.” —Wicked Queen, Shattered Reflections”
― Betsy Schow, Spelled

“True, but one makes you a monster. The other one just makes you an idiot. Which one is it?”
― Betsy Schow, Spelled

“Morning people should have to live in their own country, or something, and not bother the rest of us" - Dorthea”
― Betsy Schow, Spelled