Todd Kashdan > Quotes

“Our moods change constantly and thus our ideas about the past change with them. As for the future, it remains unwritten. Anything can happen, and often we are wrong. The best we can do with the future is prepare and savor the possibilities of what can be done in the present.”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“Rather than be encouraged to learn about ourselves and our interests, we are more often taught how to make decisions about what to do with our lives as early as possible so we won't waste time achieving our goals. Pick an academic major, choose a career, and start a family. Whether our interests are squelched isn't important. What's important is to "make something of yourself," "be able to support yourself," and "realize that life is more than just having fun.”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“When we are open to new possibilities, we find them. Be open and skeptical of everything.”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“You cannot banish the devilish, unflattering qualities of your personality. Nor would doing so be healthy or useful. Suppressing experiences is psychologically destructive because it divorces us from the full richness of real life. To progress on your journey of personal growth, love, and meaning and purpose in life, you need to become aware of all aspects of yourself, including your darker tendencies, and be agile enough to integrate them into your behavioural repertoire as needed. Do not repress, ignore, or hide the darker gifts. Be aware of them, appreciate them, and when you're ready harness them. When you do this, you'll find that you've gained greater access to well-being. To do otherwise is to be enslaved by fear, to set an artificial limit on what you experience and accomplish in this, the one and only life we know for sure that you'll have. Make the most of it. Become whole.”
― Todd Kashdan

“We put off engaging with the new for a future day. But what are we waiting for?”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“Perfect balance is not what it means to be whole. Being whole is about being open and accommodating of all parts of your personality: the light and dark passengers, the strengths and weaknesses, the successes and failures.”
― Todd Kashdan, The Upside of Your Dark Side: Why Being Your Whole Self--Not Just Your "Good" Self--Drives Success and Fulfillment

“You are going to be dead a long time, and only have a brief period of time to feel, to do something meaningful, to do something that matters. Imagine your own death. Even though we might not like to think about it, there is nothing we can do to prevent it. It's inevitable. Picture the engraving on your tombstone after decades of sticking with your current routine. On your tombstone is a single paragraph about the life you led. It talks about your personality, your accomplishments and contributions, your missteps and failings. What's it going to say? If you keep doing what you're doing, are you going to like what it says? What don't you like? What do you like? What becomes your life story? We are talking about your legacy, your mark on the world.”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“Curiosity creates possibilities; the need for certainty narrows them.”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“Two types of avoidance cause problems for people: avoiding pleasure and avoiding pain.”
― Todd Kashdan, The Upside of Your Dark Side: Why Being Your Whole Self--Not Just Your "Good" Self--Drives Success and Fulfillment

“There is a not so hidden prejudice against negative states, and the consequence of avoiding these states is that you inadvertently stunt your growth, maturity, adventure, and meaning and purpose in life.”
― Todd Kashdan, The Upside of Your Dark Side: Why Being Your Whole Self--Not Just Your "Good" Self--Drives Success and Fulfillment

“As Tibetan Buddhists remind us, “If we take care of the minutes and moments, the hours and days will take care of themselves.”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“How could boredom be beneficial? In Hindu and Buddhist traditions, boredom is described as a precursor to insight and discovery. Parents sometimes want their children to be bored because they have an intuitive sense that grappling with this uncomfortable state is how kids discover what they’re interested in, quiet their mind, and find outlets to channel their energy. We wish more parents would trust that when their kids get bored, they’ll find the way out on their own, resisting the temptation to schedule activities from morning to night to keep boredom at bay. But don’t just take our word for it. The American Academy of Pediatrics released a 2007 consensus statement on how child-directed, exploratory play is far superior when it comes to developing emotional, social, and mental agility than structured, adult-guided activity.”
― Todd Kashdan, The Upside of Your Dark Side: Why Being Your Whole Self--Not Just Your "Good" Self--Drives Success and Fulfillment

“We engage poorly with rebels not simply because their ideas unsettle us or we assume we know everything, but because we resent these individuals for making us painfully aware of our own limitations.”
― Todd Kashdan, The Art of Insubordination: How to Dissent and Defy Effectively

“According to the National Institute of Mental Health, in any given twelve-month period one of five American adults is afflicted with an anxiety disorder. The number is higher for teenagers: 25 percent will suffer from a clinically significant anxiety disorder.”
― Todd Kashdan, The Upside of Your Dark Side: Why Being Your Whole Self--Not Just Your "Good" Self--Drives Success and Fulfillment

“Ambiguous tasks are a good place to observe how personality traits bubble to the surface. Although few of us are elite soldiers, we’ve all experienced the kind of psychological distress these trainees encounter on their training run: managing unclear expectations, struggling with self-motivation, and balancing the use of social support with private reflection. These issues are endemic not only to the workplace, but also to relationships, health, and every aspect of life in which we seek to thrive and succeed. Not surprisingly, the leading predictor of success in elite military training programs is the same quality that distinguishes those best equipped to resolve marital conflict, to achieve favorable deal terms in business negotiations, and to bestow the gifts of good parenting on their children: the ability to tolerate psychological discomfort.”
― Todd Kashdan, The Upside of Your Dark Side: Why Being Your Whole Self--Not Just Your "Good" Self--Drives Success and Fulfillment

“Asking tough, even dangerous questions rarely feels good in the moment. A preference for cognitive simplicity leads us to fall back on assumptions.”
― Todd Kashdan, The Art of Insubordination: How to Dissent and Defy Effectively

“I wake up with the hope this day is even more uncertain than yesterday. It’s the unknown that we live, breathe, and move in all the time thinking it is the known. If a life can be a series of perpetual surprises, that’s the most joyous experience you can have.”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“If I waved a magic wand so that you were guaranteed a lifetime of being accepted, loved, and admired, what would your life be about? What do you stop (now that you no longer worry about what others think)? What are you going to do differently? If your quest would be different, then it’s time to begin the journey of your true self. Keep asking these questions over and over again to ensure your purpose is an outgrowth of your own interests.”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“Life Is an Ambiguous Stimulus

In a very real sense, life is an ambiguous stimulus. Does survival of a heart attack indicate that death is imminent or that one has been given a new lease on life? Is falling in love an assurance of a lifelong partnership or the first sign of an inevitable heartbreak? Many human situations are complex and their meanings subtle. Thus, to make sense of and gain agency over our experiences, we engage in the process of self-reflection.
Through self-reflection, people come to realize that their lives are filled with uncertainty about their own identities, their relationships with others, and their environmental circumstances. Because living involves adaptation to irregular changes and perturbations from the environment, the process of self-reflection reveals the indefinite nature of life. The uncertainty stemming from threatening stimuli whose nature is unknown or unpredictable evokes stress and a sense of loss of control. In response to uncertainty, we are driven to make meaning of our experiences and in so doing to reduce uncertainty. Indeed, a series of cunning experiments demonstrated that the sense of lacking control promotes illusory pattern perception in ambiguous situations. Hence, people consciously or unconsciously attempt to regain a sense of control by projecting patterns onto the chaos of their lives. This meaning-making process hinged on the appraisal of stressors and their meaningful integration into our autobiographical narratives.”
― Todd Kashdan, Mindfulness, Acceptance, and Positive Psychology: The Seven Foundations of Well-Being

“We need to be wary of the need for certainty. Seeking certitude can cause our beliefs and decision making to crystallize prematurely, and the resulting reluctance to consider new information can hurt us in the long run.”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“Traditionally, people try to ignore unwanted thoughts. They suppress them, correct them, replace them with a positive affirmation, or seek out distractions.”
― Todd Kashdan, The Art of Insubordination: How to Dissent and Defy Effectively

“Curiosity serves as a gateway to what we value and cherish most. We can reclaim the lost pleasures of uncertainty, discovery, and play from our youth.”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“In group settings, stay on the alert for signs of discord and discontents as well as the opposite: pressures on individuals to conform, cohere, cooperate, and put on a cheerful face. You won’t get divergent thinking and unique perspectives unless you modify the culture to allow a wider range of voices to permeate. Support every measure that reduces the tendency of group members to follow the loudest, most popular, most talkative, or most distinguished. Let the best ideas arise from anyone, anywhere.”
― Todd Kashdan, The Art of Insubordination: How to Dissent and Defy Effectively

“curiosity was one of the five most highly associated with Experiencing overall life fulfillment and happiness Taking satisfaction from one’s work Living a pleasurable life Living an engaging life”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“We become close minded when we possess either too much or too little knowledge, which often leaves us overconfident in existing knowledge.”
― Todd Kashdan, The Art of Insubordination: How to Dissent and Defy Effectively

“Although you might believe that certainty and control over your circumstances brings you pleasure, it is often uncertainty and challenge that actually bring you the most profound and longest-lasting benefits.”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“We might use the following guidelines: When waking, what am I seeing that I overlooked before? When talking, I am going to remain open to whatever transpires without categorizing, judging, or reacting, I will let novelty unfold, resisting the temptation to control the flow. When walking outside the house, I will gently guide my attention so I can be intrigued by my every bodily movement and whatever sights, sounds, and smells are within my range. I will assume or presume nothing except that novelty exists everywhere. With this mindset, every single gesture is guided by openness and curiosity.”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“Abolish categories, labels, and stereotypes. Artificial barriers only prevent us from knowing ourselves, making choices that fit our interests, and obtaining the required energy nutriments to expand and grow.”
― Todd Kashdan, Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life

“Social psychologists have long known that the roles people fulfill—daughter, husband, lifeguard, boss, volunteer—have real-world impact on their behavior. Classic evidence for this comes from Phil Zimbardo’s famous Stanford Prison Experiment, in which Zimbardo took a group of Stanford undergraduates and assigned some to be prisoners and others to be prison guards. The scenario extended over several days and the guards became increasingly abusive. They forced prisoners to do large numbers of push-ups; they interrupted their sleep and isolated them. Remember, these “guards” had been right-minded undergraduate students only days earlier.”
― Todd Kashdan, The Upside of Your Dark Side: Why Being Your Whole Self--Not Just Your "Good" Self--Drives Success and Fulfillment

“The big reason you should care about emotional time travel errors is that nearly every decision you make now is based on an assumption of how you expect to feel in the future.”
― Todd Kashdan, The Upside of Your Dark Side: Why Being Your Whole Self--Not Just Your "Good" Self--Drives Success and Fulfillment