Lila Monroe > Quotes

“I’m not going to prison,” I blurt out. “I’m too soft. I watched Orange is the New Black. I don’t want to eat tampon sandwiches.”
― Lila Monroe, Get Lucky

“Because that’s all that any of us are really looking for. Someone to see us for our best, and love us at our worst. It may be cheesy as hell, but there’s a reason the classics stick around. Love never goes out of style.”
― Lila Monroe, Bet Me

“Sometimes, when life gets complicated and stressful, it helps to concentrate on something comparatively soothing and simple, like violent murder.”
― Lila Monroe, The Billionaire Game

“I mentally built an entire lobster death tank just for him. With radioactive mutant lobsters. Poisonous radioactive mutant lobsters. With lasers and chainsaws. Would little lobster handguns be overdoing it? It’s just—aaaaaargh! Such. An. Asshole. And he was never going to change!”
― Lila Monroe, The Billionaire Bargain

“but I didn’t magically turn into an idiot the second you pulled out your cock.”
― Lila Monroe, The Billionaire Game Collection

“He tried to talk to me in the car, but I just put my sunglasses on, plugged my earbuds in, and blasted Beyoncé all the way back to New York City. When life gives you lemons, put Lemonade on repeat play.”
― Lila Monroe, Bet Me

“It’s stress, you condescending asshole! Believe it or not, I can actually be upset about things when blood isn’t leaking out of my vagina!”
― Lila Monroe, The Billionaire Prize

“They put me in jail. Holy shit. They put me in fucking jail. Call my mother and tell her I love her, call my father and tell him I can’t loan him any more money, call my grandmother and tell her she needs to stop day drinking. I am never getting out of this. All right, on the plus side, it’s not like I’m sitting in a city jail. It’s a hotel holding room, which basically means beige-colored carpet with beige walls and a beige futon. In Vegas, if they put you in beige, you are seriously fucked. No sequins or rhinestones anywhere means I must have done something abominable. Okay. I take three deep breaths, trying to achieve my zone neutrality. Or something. I don’t know! Okay, keep calm, Julia. Maybe they can help. Maybe they can help piece together whatever insane stuff you did last night. Or rather, the weird shit that your David Tennant personality did. On second thought, maybe talking about Doctor Who would be a very bad thing right now. The door opens, and Gray Suit— his name’s actually Todd, but I’m sticking with Gray Suit— enters and sits down in a chair opposite me. “Now Ms. Stevens—” “I’m not going to prison,” I blurt out. “I’m too soft. I watched Orange is the New Black. I don’t want to eat tampon sandwiches.” Gray Suit blinks slowly. “Okay. I’ll bear that in mind.” “Look, what the hell am I even doing here?” I snap. Great, Julia. Get snippy with the authorities. This’ll go down swimmingly. “What is happening?” Gray Suit sighs. “It’s about what you did last night, Ms. Stevens.”
― Lila Monroe, Get Lucky

“Wait, is he . . . jealous? Well, who am I not to make the most of this unexpected gift?”
― Lila Monroe, Lovestruck

“I’m a goddess right now; everyone should come and offer gifts of chocolate and mojitos. That’s my currency.”
― Lila Monroe, Get Lucky

“If Mr. Darcy was a modern man with a rolling suitcase, a stick shoved way up his ass, and no actual redeemable qualities, he might be this guy.”
― Lila Monroe, Get Lucky

“When I get to heaven, it’s going to be a bakery,” I sigh with pleasure, tearing into another roll. “Nothing but butter croissants as far as the eye can see. Or a doughnut shop. Or a bakery-slash-doughnut shop.”
― Lila Monroe, Bet Me

“Oh, fuck me. And not in the nice way, where I have two orgasms and someone makes me breakfast in the morning.”
― Lila Monroe, Get Lucky

“because if I listen to one more thing you say then my heart will be stretched so thin that the tiniest jostle will break it, and I can’t bear that, not again, not after I cared about you so much and you hurt me so badly. Oh Asher, I cared about you so much and I didn’t even know till right this second, why did you have to ruin everything, oh God Asher I think I loved you, I think I still”
― Lila Monroe, The Billionaire Game Collection

“It’s magic. It’s perfect. It’s hands-down the sexiest moment of my entire life.

And then my stomach gurgles loudly.

Zach pulls away, smiling. “Was that you, or a truck passing somewhere?”
― Lila Monroe, How to Choose a Guy in 10 Days

“chardonnay later, and my drunken rant has gone viral. I’m the most famous person NOT having sex since the Jonas Brothers put on their purity rings. A men’s magazine has even put a bounty on my (ahem) maidenhead: fifty Gs to whoever makes me break the drought. Be careful what you wish for... Now my office looks like an explosion in a Hallmark factory, I’ve got guys lining up to sweep me off my feet-and the one man I want is most definitely off-limits. Jake Weston is a player through and”
― Lila Monroe, Bet Me

“I read my porn, like a classy person.”
― Lila Monroe, The Billionaire Game

“I want to check into a hotel for the night, order room service, and eat French fries while watching reality TV until I’m fucking comatose. Then I want to sleep for sixteen hours.” Motherhood is a joy.”
― Lila Monroe, Bet Me

“Your heart beats with the ancient wisdom of Mother Earth, and it sings in symphony with the dust of stars.”
― Lila Monroe, The Billionaire Bargain 2

“step up their game, my goods are off the market. But one bottle of chardonnay later, and my drunken rant has gone viral. I’m the most famous person NOT having sex since the Jonas Brothers put on their purity rings. A men’s magazine has even put a bounty on my (ahem) maidenhead: fifty Gs to whoever makes me break the drought.  Be careful what”
― Lila Monroe, Bet Me

“You have more fun with her than you do on your own. Everything’s an adventure. You’re compatible in the ways that matter. The sex is hot. And you trust that she’ll be next to you, no matter what happens.”
― Lila Monroe, Get Lucky

“You make my nerd heart sad, young Padawan.”
― Lila Monroe, Get Lucky

“Okay, either this guy was hiding his good qualities with all the skill and dedication of a highly trained CIA operative, or he was just a douche-bag.  ”
― Lila Monroe, The Billionaire Bargain

“Opportunity knocks. And when it doesn’t knock, it kicks down the fucking door and robs you at gunpoint,” Meredith says,”
― Lila Monroe, Get Lucky

“I find it hard to tear my gaze away from that that fantastic ass.”
― Lila Monroe, Get Lucky

“Ah well. When in Vegas, ignore the douches, let the good times roll, and always carry a spare set of panties in your purse, just in case. That’s what Mom used to tell me.”
― Lila Monroe, Get Lucky

“It’s like the cast of The Office suddenly decided to go into the kidnapping business.”
― Lila Monroe, Get Lucky

“Always graceful, sweetheart, like a beautiful swan. Paddle like hell where no one can see, but up above, all ease and charm. And no ugly frowny face; yes, just like you’re doing right now.”
― Lila Monroe, Snowed in with the Billionaire

“customer”
― Lila Monroe, Renegade Roomie

“sometimes all it takes is a stylish outfit to remind someone that they can be more than they imagined—really give the confidence to start over again. And when everyone’s judging you by what you’re wearing, or if you look professional enough to give you that break … it can really make the difference.”
― Lila Monroe, How to Choose a Guy in 10 Days