Rob Temple > Quotes

“Switching from 'kind regards' to 'regards' as a warning that you're dangerously close to losing your temper.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“Spending life squeezing past people, yet never once completing the sentence: 'Excuse me, sorry, do you mind if I just...?”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“Failing to understand someone, begging their pardon three times and then just nodding and smiling.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“Feeling guilty for making traffic stop at the lights when you need to cross the road.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“Accidentally saying ‘you’re welcome’ too loudly when someone hasn’t thanked you, and smiling politely when they look straight at you.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“Tripping up over nothing and turning to stare furiously at the floor.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“Name: One Shade of Grey

Description: You'll recognise this phenomenon through an inability to tell where the pavement ends and the sky begins. Nothing has ever been achieved on a One Shade of Grey day, so if you notice one upon opening your curtains the best advice is to climb back into bed, drink gin through a straw and remember the 'Lost Sun' days of years past.
Most likely: Any of the 18 months of winter.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“You enter the place through a door (classic)”
― Rob Temple, Born to be Mild

“The salad is in some kind of black plant pot, with KFC-style fried popcorn chicken, iceberg lettuce that seems to have been fed through a paper shredder and the dressing in an artful Z shape across the top, as if, with a flourish, Zorro has jizzed on my meal. Olé!”
― Rob Temple, Born to be Mild: Adventures for the Anxious

“The first ever text message is sent, meaning from this year forth Brits are able to express something nearing emotion without the horror of having to look anyone in the face.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“Worrying you’ll be suspected a
thief if exiting a shop without
making a purchase.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“People (it’s always people, isn’t it?)”
― Rob Temple, Born to be Mild

“Coughing when walking down a pavement at night to indicate to the person ahead of you that you're there and you're definitely not going to attack them. Result: they immediately thing you're going to attack them.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“I keep trying to run away from anxiety but it follows me everywhere I go. Almost like it’s in my brain.”
― Rob Temple, Born to be Mild: Adventures for the Anxious

“If every day is a school day, then today’s lesson is that toothpaste will react to trying to be stuffed into something small and tight by ejaculating all over your arm.”
― Rob Temple, Born to be Mild: Adventures for the Anxious

“Allowing your car to smash headlong into a truck, rather than relinquish your right of way.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“Translating 'carpe diem' as 'treat yourself to a slightly more expensive loaf of bread'.”
― Rob Temple

“Taking tremendous pride in your ability to keep your full beam on until the very last second.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“Getting out your toolbox and causing hundreds of pounds worth of damage to your house because it's bank holiday Monday.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“Summarising that you, 'Wouldn't say it tasted great,' to indicate it's possibly the most revolting dish you've ever encountered.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“Glowering at the Quiet Coach sign in the hope that it will cause a chatterbox to be ejected through the roof of the train.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“Stansted is busy with travellers in dark coats and red scarves – apart from one lady in a dressing gown – spending their Christmas money, trudging wearily around like Lowry people.”
― Rob Temple, Born to be Mild: Adventures for the Anxious

“Being alarmingly over-enthusiastic when able to tell the stranger that, 'Yes, this seat is free, and you may take it.'

Tanking someone on being told that, 'Yes, this seat is free, and you many take it,' as if they've just given you a kidney.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“I perch on the thin, freezing bench (on my arse, not like a canary) and tense everything, retracting into myself like a spooked whelk, while teenagers in school blazers chirp in sarcastic bursts and giggles around me.”
― Rob Temple, Born to be Mild: Adventures for the Anxious

“Chucking heartily after walking into a lamp post, despite a strong suspicion that you've broken your cheek.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“Going to your doctor and replying, 'I'm fine thank you,' when they ask how you are.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“I was buzzing my moobs off.”
― Rob Temple, Born to be Mild

“Flashing your indicators to thank a fellow motorist, just in case they missed your mini wave, thumbs-up, arm raise and hazard lights.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“15. A fellow motorist lets you pull out in front of them. What's your response?
A: I wouldn't notice them from so high up in my truck
B: I wouldn't notice them because I haven't looked in my mirrors for about seven years
C: Thank them with every flashy device my car has, as if they've just donated me a kidney”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time

“Not quite catching someone's name meaning you can never speak to them again.”
― Rob Temple, Very British Problems: Making Life Awkward for Ourselves, One Rainy Day at a Time