Milton Berle > Quotes

“If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door”
― Milton Berle

“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”
― Milton Berle

“Laughter is an instant vacation.”
― Milton Berle

“I'd rather be a 'could-be' if I cannot be an 'are' because a 'could-be' is a 'maybe' who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a 'has-been' than a 'might-have-been' by far; for a 'might-have-been' has never been, but a 'has' was once an 'are.”
― Milton Berle

“A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.”
― Milton Berle

“Committee - a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.”
― Milton Berle

“We owe a lot to Thomas Edison-if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.”
― Milton Berle

“You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.”
― Milton Berle

“You don't need to travel, laughter is an instant vacation”
― Milton Berle

“I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!”
― Milton Berle

“A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, "Did you miss a step?"

"No," he answers, "I hit every one of them!”
― Milton Berle

“Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient”
― Milton Berle

“I'd rather be a 'could-be' if I cannot be an 'are' because a 'could-be' is a 'maybe' who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a 'has-been' than a 'might-have-been' by far; for a 'might-have-been' has never been, but a 'has' was once an 'are.”
― Milton Berle

“Jews don't drink much because it interferes with their suffering.”
― Milton Berle

“I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.”
― Milton Berle

“I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far, for a might-have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.”
― Milton Berle

“You can't believe everything you hear, but it's fun to repeat it anyway.”
― Milton Berle

“When opportunity doesn't knock, create a door”
― Milton Berle

“I’d rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I’d rather be a has-been than a might-have-been by far; for a might-have-been has never been, but a has-been was once an are.”
― Milton Berle

“I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might have been, by far; for a might have been has never been but a has was once an are.”
― Milton Berle

“I'd rather be a 'could-be' if I cannot be an 'are', because a 'could-be' is a 'maybe' who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a 'has-been' than a 'might-have-been,' by far, for a 'might-have-been' has never been, but a 'has' was once an 'are.”
― Milton Berle

“The only place success comes before is in the dictionary”
― Milton Berle

“If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.”
― Milton Berle

“Laughter is the best medicine in the world.”
― MIlton Berle