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“Untuck your shirt, wipe, retuck. No one will see. Otherwise they’re gonna crust on your hand like wood glue.” This is Booger Training 101. Every two-year-old who doesn’t have a taste for them has to learn how to properly dispose of them.”
― How to Rid Your Swimming Pool of a Bloodthirsty Mermaid
― How to Rid Your Swimming Pool of a Bloodthirsty Mermaid
“The smell slaps me sideways. Like when Mom grabs a container she forgot about from the back of the fridge and she says, “Here Mickey, smell this and see if it’s still good,” and I open it and take a whiff before noticing the fuzz. Like that.”
― How to Navigate Zombie Cave and Defeat Pirate Pete
― How to Navigate Zombie Cave and Defeat Pirate Pete
“I fidget through class, barely paying attention to Mrs. Schumaker droning on about wagon trains and buffalo. I get it. Life on the prairie was tough. Churning your own butter? Yay for the Industrial Revolution.”
― How to Destroy the New Girl's Killer Robot Army
― How to Destroy the New Girl's Killer Robot Army
