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Showing 1-10 of 10
“I have a secret. A big, fat, hairy secret. And I’m not talking minor-league stuff, like I once let Joseph Applebaum feel me up behind the seventh-grade stairwell or I got a Brazilian wax after work last Friday or I’m hiding a neon blue vibrator called the Electric Slide in my night table. Which I’m not, by the way. In case you were wondering. ”
― Howling at the Moon
― Howling at the Moon
“I just smiled and wished hard for the waitress to come back from Cancun or Mazatlan or wherever she was so I could order my martini.”
― Howling at the Moon
― Howling at the Moon
“Just because I’d spent the last five years of my life dealing with diapers and dirty dishes didn’t mean my brain had turned into Gerber Oatmeal & Banana Cereal.”
― Mother's Day Out
― Mother's Day Out
“Sorry Your Husband Was Sharing His Saran Wrap Fetish with a Hooker”
― Mother's Day Out
― Mother's Day Out
“the control-top hose felt like two boa constrictors were getting cozy with my upper thighs. In short, I felt about as sexy as Mrs. Potato Head.”
― Mother's Day Out
― Mother's Day Out
“Well, it’s got to be terrible”
― Berried to the Hilt
― Berried to the Hilt
“Nina Torrone, a young artist whose work had caught fire and was selling for over half a million per painting.”
― Brush with Death
― Brush with Death
“Cleaning up” consisted of each child contributing one Lego to the box, then dropping to the floor in exhaustion. The other 3,998 were mine to deal with.”
― Mother's Day Out
― Mother's Day Out
“As I opened”
― Killer Jam
― Killer Jam
