Matt Dinniman > Quotes

“Goddammit Donut!”
― Matt Dinniman, Dungeon Crawler Carl

“Mana Toast. This is toast. It refills your mana. That’s it. Nothing more. Fuck you.”
― Matt Dinniman, Dungeon Crawler Carl

“Cats are assholes. I get it. But do you know why people like cats, despite their asshole-ness? It’s because they don’t fucking talk. If they did, and they were all like you, they’d all be extinct because we’d have killed you all by now.”
― Matt Dinniman, Dungeon Crawler Carl

“If we get to the point where we don’t help each other anymore, that’s when we stop being human.”
― Matt Dinniman, Dungeon Crawler Carl

“Cats don't drink cocktails,' I said.

'Cats don't shoot lasers from their eyes, either, but here we are, Carl. Mama needs a night off.”
― Matt Dinniman, Carl's Doomsday Scenario

“Did we really just start a meth war between the goblins and the llamas?”
― Matt Dinniman, Dungeon Crawler Carl

“Question: What’s the only thing standing between an innocent child and a happy, fulfilling life? Answer: You. The answer is you.”
― Matt Dinniman, Dungeon Crawler Carl

“Trauma does that, I thought. It’s an explosion with your heart at the center. It changes everything all at once.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Butcher's Masquerade

“They will not break me. Fuck them all. They will not break me. But I will break them. This is my promise to myself, to my friends, and to you, anyone who reads these words. I will break them all. - Crawler Carl, 25th Edition of The Dungeon Anarchist’s Cookbook”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“Reward: I SAID THE GHOST OF STEVE IRWIN SMILES DOWN UPON YOU.”
― Matt Dinniman, Dungeon Crawler Carl

“You’re not going to break me,” I said. “You might hurt me, or kill me, but you’re not going to break me.”
― Matt Dinniman, Dungeon Crawler Carl

“And I was so stupid, because I thought since I loved you, that meant you loved me.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Butcher's Masquerade

“If it used to be okay, but it’s not okay anymore, then maybe you should do something about it. Don’t compare your circumstances with how they were yesterday. Look at how they were years ago. We’re supposed to be making the world… the universe… a better place for our children. If it’s not better, if you’re dealing with cruelty, with neglect, then you should do something about it. So, yeah. Fuck ‘em. Fuck King Rust and his asshole child. If you’re unhappy with your government, then kick them out and set up your own, one that represents the people’s best interests. You shouldn’t have to put up with some loser who’s going to take the people’s money and waste it on games, especially when those games entail killing people weaker than him with little or no real danger to himself. What a pussy. That’s my opinion.”
― Matt Dinniman, Carl's Doomsday Scenario

“Mongo is appalled.”
― Matt Dinniman, Carl's Doomsday Scenario

“Being eaten by a bugbear makes me uncomfortable, Carl. So if your boyfriend ogling your tootises keeps these easy-peasy bugs coming at us instead of more of those lava-spitting llamas, then you better buck up, get over your human male privilege, and take one for your princess.”
― Matt Dinniman, Dungeon Crawler Carl

“Did... did you just rip your dick off and throw it at me?”
― Matt Dinniman, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

“Don’t compare your circumstances with how they were yesterday. Look at how they were years ago.”
― Matt Dinniman, Carl's Doomsday Scenario

“The last time the walls shook like this was when your mom came over for a visit.”
― Matt Dinniman, Dungeon Crawler Carl

“Capital punishment means those without the capital get the punishment. ​- ​Executed Prisoner, John A. Spenkelink”
― Matt Dinniman, The Gate of the Feral Gods

“Don’t gaslight me, Jesus.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

“There is no shame in wanting to be alone yet also wanting the comfort and the strength of your brethren.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“I mean, really. I can’t be held accountable for everything I’ve ever said to a stripper.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

“Kids aren’t always a product of their parents. But sometimes that doesn’t matter. Sometimes parents can cast a shadow so thick, you can drown in it.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“My beautiful boy,” Miriam whispered as she turned to dust. “My beautiful boy.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Butcher's Masquerade

“So help me god,” I said. “I will abandon you right here and right now if you choose to take up the kazoo.”
― Matt Dinniman, Carl's Doomsday Scenario

“She looked up at me. “Viva la revolución, Carl.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Butcher's Masquerade

“Spoiler alert. Nobody is going to read your autobiography disguised as a space vampire and minotaur romance. You and every other half-wit out there with a nearby Starbucks and a laptop is writing the same bile. What you’re really doing is inadvertently live-blogging the story of human mediocrity,”
― Matt Dinniman, The Gate of the Feral Gods

“Story time. In September of 1869, there was a terrible fire at the Avondale coal mine near Plymouth, Pennsylvania. Over 100 coal miners lost their lives. Horrific conditions and safety standards were blamed for the disaster. It wasn’t the first accident. Hundreds of miners died in these mines every year. And those that didn’t, lived in squalor. Children as young as eight worked day in and out. They broke their bodies and gave their lives for nothing but scraps. That day of the fire, as thousands of workers and family members gathered outside the mine to watch the bodies of their friends and loved ones brought to the surface, a man named John Siney stood atop one of the carts and shouted to the crowd: Men, if you must die with your boots on, die for your families, your homes, your country, but do not longer consent to die, like rats in a trap, for those who have no more interest in you than in the pick you dig with. That day, thousands of coal miners came together to unionize. That organization, the Workingmen’s Benevolent Association, managed to fight, for a few years at least, to raise safety standards for the mines by calling strikes and attempting to force safety legislation. ... Until 1875, when the union was obliterated by the mine owners. Why was the union broken so easily? Because they were out in the open. They were playing by the rules. How can you win a deliberately unfair game when the rules are written by your opponent? The answer is you can’t. You will never win. Not as long as you follow their arbitrary guidelines. This is a new lesson to me. She’s been teaching me so many things, about who I am. About what I am. What I really am. About what must be done. Anyway, during this same time, it is alleged a separate, more militant group of individuals had formed in secret. The Molly Maguires. Named after a widow in Ireland who fought against predatory landlords, the coal workers of Pennsylvania became something a little more proactive, supposedly assassinating over two dozen coal mine supervisors and managers. ... Until Pinkerton agents, hired by the same mine owners, infiltrated the group and discovered their identities. Several of the alleged Mollies ended up publicly hanged. Others disappeared. You get the picture. So, that’s another type of secret society. The yeah-we’re-terrorists-but-we-strongly-feel-we’re-justified-and-fuck-you-if-you-don’t-agree society. So, what’s the moral of this little history lesson? This sort of thing happens all day, every day across the universe. It happens in Big Ways, and it happens in little ways, too. The strong stomp on the weak. The weak fight back, usually within the boundaries of the rat trap they find themselves confined. They almost always remain firmly stomped. But sometimes, the weak gather in secret. They make plans. They work outside the system to effect change. Like the Mollies, they usually end up just as stomped as everyone else. But that’s just life. At least they fucking tried. They died with their boots on, as much as I hate that expression. They died with their boots on for their people, their family, not for some rich, nameless organization that gives no shits whether they live or die. Or go extinct. Or are trapped for a millennia after they’re done being used. In my opinion, that’s the only type of society that’s worth joining, worth fighting for. Sure, you’re probably gonna die. But if you find yourself in such a position where such an organization is necessary, what do you have to lose? How can you look at yourself if you don’t do everything you can? And that brings us to the door you’re standing in front of right now. What does all this have to do with what you’re going to find on the other side? Nothing!”
― Matt Dinniman, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

“You keep destroying governmental buildings, Carl,” Donut said. “People are going to start thinking you have a problem with authority.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Gate of the Feral Gods

“Donut: CARL IT IS ANOTHER VILE MURDERER. Carl: I don’t think so, not this time. Also, I know you don’t have to type in all caps. I’ve seen you do it before. It makes you sound like you are yelling. Donut: I AM YELLING CARL.”
― Matt Dinniman, Dungeon Crawler Carl