Ursula Bauer's Blog

In the course of my adventures, I visit a fair amount of older houses in Troy New York (12180 etc) and surrounding areas. But there is something about the unique building, rebuilding, renovating, and jerry-rigging in the Troy area (including Brunswick) - a style and dare I say, architectural abandon paired with wanton disregard for anything that smacks remotely of sensible, sane, and Code, that leads to all kinds of inventive configurations that put safety a distant third and make you wonder WTF was the DIY'er thinking at the time of install because it wasn't what they *should* have been thinking.

So without further ado, my most recent find that somehow captures everything you need to know about "TROY built". This Old House it Ain't. Only Rehab Addict with Nicole Curtis (DIY network/ and most recently HGTV) comes close to the kind of maniacal yet utilitarian approach to construction in the Collar City and it's suburbs.

Some would call this character. Others, Bathtub Russian Roulette. So, do you feel lucky?




By the way, this is now the wall opposite the light switch in the bathtub enclosure. A similar fate shall soon befall the other walls as some order gets restored, and the electric gets moved to a less dicey region of the bath.


   

I went to the Chatham Public Librarytoday to hear uber-agent Steve Axlerod  speak about independent (self) publishing and the way it’s changing the industry. We arrived embarrassingly late to a wonderful presentation (for which I apologize again) At the end I asked a question and then, in doing so, had to give a brief explanation of Search Engine Optimization (SEO). It occurred to me later that explanation was a fraud – it was completely inarticulate and mostly useless. I’d met some fantastic folks after the presentation who’d had questions on it, so I wanted to throw something together that is more coherent and (I hope) accurate, and give some useful links where it is really explained. SEO and Keywords and internet exposure is a sort of alchemy plied in the murkey underworld of Cyberspace City: its freaky, its simple yet complex, and it's like your phantom invitation to denizens to visit your blogosphere speakeasy and take a taste of what you've been cooking.  
As a writer, you want people to find you. SEO and Key Words well placed with solid interesting blog content help that happen. Long story short, when people search for things on line, there are patterns for what they search for and how they word it, so you use this to draw folks to you by placing up in the search pages. These folks may like your book because it might have something in common with what they read, like, do, care about, etc. You determine what words and combinations of words has high search rates, then you use those as Hyperlinks in your blog post. That may get you up in a search where someone may say, Hey, let me check that out. And behold, you are FOUND. Bought is another topic. Let us stick to “FOUND” – that alone is a major feat akin to birthing an elephant while dancing the Lambada on a high wire, in stilettos. 

The theory goes - Your blog posts should relate in some way to your author platform which may or may not relate to what you write. Some authors may say – my platform is mysteries set in England during World War One, told through the eyes of a British Nurse (A solid and streamlined body of work) – and so I’m going to write about trench warfare and battlefield medicine and my book releases. Others may say (like me) my platform is All about the Adventure (aka food, weird things that catch my attention, and monkeyshines) and I write paranormal romance but I may write things like mystery in the future (a diverse body of work – which means the author needs to have more of an identity) – so I shall write about my various adventures including but not limited to cocktails, kitchen experiments, mad science, conspiracies, and the occasional Troy Sewer Corn sighting. Well crafted blog posts and SEO deliver high value to your reader and help make new connections. [That last link? Yet another great article on 10 tips for great blog posts for authors PLUS sweet links to analytics n stuff]
In my ham fisted explanation today at the library, I used the phrase Prohibition Era Cocktails, which caught some crowd attention. Later a few folks came to chat with me and were talking about how they heard the phrase and said “hey, I like cocktails” and we were on from there to discuss my favorite prohibition era cocktail, the Aviation (which really predates it by 5 years but who's counting?) and then the local watering hole that makes them plus an abundant amount of fab martinis. On the drive home, I realized in a way that is SEO in action, someone heard that and thought, I want to know more about Ursula Bauer (beyond what the police blotter has to say). Except we were in a crowd, vs in the cloud. But I digress. [image error]
 
I write a lot about food and drinks and what I’m up to because that’s interesting to me, and luckily that coincides with my author persona platform. BUT, the magic of SEO says – (A) while you’re doing that Ursula, see if you can think about writing your topic in a way that might interest someone you don’t know who might potentially check you out and one day become a reader. Then, (B) highlight words in your post that might be things they search for on the net, citing legitimate low or no advertising sites that are not Wikipedia. I treated it like a game, a sort of a writer’s challenge, and learning about it became fun. Then (C) do the hyperlinks, and, (D) if possible try to make it wide enough topic or word/cluster that a bunch of folks would look be using, stated exactly that way and a few other ways with at least seven permutations/links, and (E)you will rise in the search which may (D) draw in a few more people who might like to find you. It seemed legit, so many people were talking about it,but we all know the internet lies like a cheap rug, so I needed to run my own experiment before I’d give my buy in.
I concluded after a few short trials: SEO is not clap trap, and when used well and right, provides value to the author and the audience. On one link alone I was on Page 3 of a google search for Chocolate Chip Cookies, and a specific type of bake-ware. Which did translate into sales. Some industry darlings have an axe to grind about SEO and Key Words, deriding them as useless to today’s author. The cold truth remains – the digital author needs visibility to build audience as well as books and when in Digital Rome will need to do what the Digital Romans do – and this is one thing they do in electronic that works. In fact, if Key Words didn’t matter, then I submit this – why do some publishers request a list of these from authors? (That last hyperlink is a trip to a juicy and useful article for fiction authors on key words and keeping current in searches written by literary agent Stephanie Barkofor the informative site – SheWrites)
I decided to venture further into the method, did more research, and then sat down and put it to work by writing about something I had wanted to write about anyway: paranoid mad science conspiracy television programming – aka – Orphan Black. I'm going to write about this anyway, why not make it do double duty? (See the post, follow the links if you want an example)
I LOVE this show and wanted to do a fan girl gush, and I thought, hey, maybe someone who likes that might like my books too, so while I gush, let me also experiment with more vigor and throw in some SEO tactics. I linked back to the Actor’s pages in IMDB. I linked back to older blog posts ( a big must do, I’d learned.) I linked to all kinds of stuff. At one point I was 8thplace on the front page of Google, for searches. I got “FOUND”. Later, I may get lost again, but that fifteen seconds of almost fame creates electronic connection, and in the digital age for an indie author, this is your equivalent to meeting someone at a brick and mortar store book signing – someone who wandered by, maybe, and liked your display of spif cover art, or the sound of your title, or your blouse, and you got to talking and all of a sudden you’re out for drinks and someone's saying '...and there I was, in the Congo, when...'.
See where I’m going with this? I wrote about what things I’m interested in and enjoy - paranoia, ass-kicking heroines, and the menace of mad science - things I was goign to write about anyway - and hey, a great byproduct  was that other folks who liked that stuff too checked me out. (PS I violate ALL laws of good blogging so don't use me as an example of that. Ever.)
Now this is basic, and most of it may be wrong, or not quite right but not wrong, so you need to touch base with the experts however, this is close enough – sort of the way bathtub gin was close enough to get the job done when the real deal was an enemy of the state. I think this gives you the gist. Just don’t go on overload, but do be creative.

For a final act, I’m going to do what I’m told you’re really not supposed to do and that’s put out a laundry list of links blatantly labeled as “FOLLOW THESE LINKS”.  I used them initially to help get my head around how to make what I like to write help people find me who might like what I write about. These are your start points. Follow links, do searches off of that. Check out other authors who do this. There is all this stuff, key words, and all kinds of titles for posts and stuff that I can’t begin to explain coherently or cover in a single post but this is the good lead in point.
The Book Designer for Author Blogging 101. A basic primer. http://www.thebookdesigner.com/2012/02/author-blogging-101-11-sources-of-organic-traffic/
How to write an SEO post – another basic primer.
http://www.dailywritingtips.com/how-to-write-an-seo-article-part-1/
Quality Gal (blog post on Link Bait and value, also check out the blog in general. This is a company that recruits authors to create SEO articles for websites to drive traffice ) http://www.qualitygal.com/qualitygal-updates/linkbait-the-social-side-of-content
The Writers Guide to E-publishing  A clearinghouse blog that has all kinds of useful stuff turn up that includes SEO.
http://thewritersguidetoepublishing.com/
Think; what do I like that similar people would like who might like me and what I write? Use that to drive your posts. Then link to words, and common phrases, that might be used a lot in a search, and to web sites, expected and unexpected that folks of similar mind would visit. And Bob’s your Uncle.
PS – try the Aviation cocktail when you get a chance, especially if you’re a local. Daisy Baker's in Troy, NY - ask for Chris - he'll serve it up like it was meant to be served and you can taste a piece of history.  While by no means the most popular cocktail of it's era it definately gives taste to the spirit of an age - tart, cool, sophisticated and just a little outlaw.
 

Who said cold comfort is a bad thing? Chocolate Sauce (a legitimate cocktail on it’s own) paired with ice cream creates a kind of smooth slide down your throat and turn you all kinds of mellow comfort that screams decadence, yet whispers simplicity in it’s assembly. The kind of simplicity and adaptability that makes it oh so suitable for the evening aperitif designed to round the edge right off the day. 

If you really want to go all in, build it and dump it on the 60 second microwave deep dish cookie. I’m giving up my favorite cocktail recipe here (even though I’m sure someone out there on the inter webs has done it more formally), and I’m including the variants of Chocolate Sauce (Milk Chocolate Sauce, and Milk Chocolate Hazelnut [aka Sinful Sauce – tastes like boozy Nutella]).

I give the main proportions because if you’re doing it in a bourbon glass like I did for the photo and most nights, you’d end up with a shot of chocolate liqueur and ½ a shot of butterscotch schnapps, where as, if you’re going for the bowl, you need to upsize? You dig? Yeah, you dig! [ps Legal drinking age only]

Chocolate Sauce (In all its guises) is a favorite after a hard day cocktail, and adding the ice cream makes bliss and fairy dust and wonderful explode right inside of you. (If you don’t believe me, try it yourself. Or if you believe me, try it.) One is enough to make all wrongs right and ease you right into the groove. So without further blathering, behold - cocktails!

Chocolate Sauce (for those who like smooth)Proportion: 1 part chocolate liqueur (I prefer Godiva) to ½ part butterscotch schnapps

Milk Chocolate Sauce (for those who like sweet smooth)
Proportion: 1 part chocolate liqueur to ½ part butterscotch schnapps & ½ part white chocolate liqueur (oh yeah…but wait…it gets better. Read on.)
Sinful Sauce / Milk Chocolate Hazelnut Sauce (For those who like sweet, smooth, and sinful)Proportion: 1 part chocolate liqueur to ½ part butterscotch schnapps & ½ part white chocolate liqueur & ¼ - ½ Frangelico (or hazelnut liqueur, but really, is there any other that’s acceptable?!?!?)

Ice Cream CocktailYour Favorite Vanilla Ice Cream (it doesn't have to be lactose free unless you're me) scooped to fill the container (I use a bourbon/or/highball sized glass, and on occasion, a 1 cup sized bowl)

Add your favorite Chocolate Sauce (based on above recipes, sized up or down depending on your needs.)Example: in the bowl, I use two giant scoops ice cream, and a decent sized shot glass to measure out the Sauce and did 1 full: 1/2 for plain chocolate sauce. I tried measuring it in for the bourbon glass, using a graduated shot and it turned out to be 4 tsp:2tsp:2tsp:2tsp for the full monte. It may not sound like a lot, but in a small glass, the ice cream fills the space, and then you throw on your Sauce and let it melt just a bit. That's when the magic starts. Bigger container = larger serving = upsize the Sauce. For variations try:
Ultimate Sin Cookie
Dump the assembled Ice Cream cocktail on top of the 60Second Microwave Single Serve Deep Dish Chocolate Chip Cookie (recipe here)
The "I Am Out of F’ing Control And I Don't Care"
Top Ultimate Sin Cookie with boozy whipped cream available at all fine liquor stores and add sprinkles of your choice,, and if you don't mind the cancer risk, a maraschino cherry on top. Then eat it all and impress someone by tying the cherry stem in a knot with your tongue. Just don't choke. Remember, safety third.The Bare Bones
On a final note, if you can only do one thing, throw the butterscotch schnapps on the ice cream. It really is all you need. ;-)
 
 

BBC America has a fantastic line up of shows for the mystery and thriller fans, whether you’re looking at historical set police procedurals like Copper or Ripper Street, detective mysteries like Sherlock, or over the top police drama like Luther, but the most inventive and off the hook so far and my favorite has to be Orphan Black. I think Orphan Black also most clearly represents all the elements in the other shows that take a refreshing dramatic departure that makes the BBC line up such a powerhouse.
For those who have not seen Orphan Black, it’s a ‘future is now kind of black thriller/mystery’, in that you quasi know the villains, but are mostly finding things out as the main character discovers then, with little explanation like you get these days with so many shows. Plus it’s got the sci-fi element down with dark science gone bad. The premise revolves around a street smart foster child grown up named Sarah, who’s coming home to her foster brother, and former foster mom, in hopes of getting back her young daughter. In doing so she sees a woman who looks just like her jump in front of a train and kill herself. Someone is trying to kill the clones. Sarah just wants Beth’s cash, but to get it, she has to play the long con of being Beth and that brings her into the orbit of the other clones, and the conspiracy that created them and is now trying to destroy them. The more she tries to dig out, she digs in. The more she tries to escape, the deeper she goes. Meanwhile she’s keeping up the façade of Beth, and most times barely maintaining the front.
She has a partner cop named Art who is just the right mix of surly and suspicious, who knows things are not right in paradise. She has Beth’s boyfriend Peter, who’s also not what he seems. But best of all, she has Felix, her foster brother, a modern day painter version of Freddy Mercury with better teeth and the same level of creative panache and droll wit. The Canadian produced mystery is not always factually correct, in fact the first episode was supposed to be NYC, but it bombed on accuracy, and is now simply set in “the city” which could be anywhere USA. What they nail with absolute deft brilliance is storytelling and character – my GAWD do they get character. You are dropped into the madness with Sarah, what she knows you know, and occasionally just a smidge more but not enough for things to get laborious.
It’s refreshing to watch not only because you have no idea what will happen next, and really, it’s a complete rollercoaster where insane plot twists and turns are concerned, but because no one is info dumping constantly and ruining the magic. It’s modern day Perils of Pauline with a very likeable, very capable, street smart female protagonist in a creepy here and now that could very well exist in the shadows of today’s mad science. Cloning is the premise, but mother daughter sister relationships are explored, as well as modern day family concepts, and motherhood (both biologic and there for the long haul). Sarah’s especially enjoyable because she’s not tied up in emotional drudge with a male lead. She’s happy enough to use Beth’s boyfriend to get what she needs, but deftly keeps him at arms length, instinctively knowing that he’s a complication her long con can’t afford.
This is the kind of story I enjoy reading, the kind of heroine I favor, and I wish more books and more TV took this vigorous approach to story-telling. Now I am known for favoring more action than not, and everyone knows I love weird stuff and mad science, but still, there is a vibrancy to this that so much pre-produced drama lacks and I think it’s because we spend too much time out of the gate trying to explain every detail and nuance thus numbing the audience into a coma, and too much effort on rubber stamp clichés that act in all too predictable a manner. I think BBC America has nailed it with this brilliant Canadian science fiction mystery/thriller and that Orphan Black is worth anyone’s time if you’re the kind of person who enjoys a wild, and sometimes frantic ride through a story filled with complex, conflicted and not always on the game characters.
 
 

Well, I suppose you could say it took long enough, and you'd be right. But timing * IS * everything so lets say I'm being fashionable as opposed to dallying, and call it a day.

Here's the update on my soon to be released Contemporary Paranormal Romance Novella: IN THE FLESH. (note - cover not trad romance. book more horror-esque w/some gross and creep factors. release date - w/i a few days.)


Buried Secrets. Lost Love. Unspeakable Evil.
~50pgs

Investigative reporter Angel Malone lost her professional reputation and the love of her life, FBI Agent Colt Lannigan, chasing down a missing persons story riddled with conspiracy and dead ends. Now she’ll risk the only thing she has left to prove a mass murderer is behind the disappearances – her life. All she has to do is break into an abandoned insane asylum and steal the proof before the killer turns up.

Angel thought she was ready for anything. But with Colt's reappearance and the raw heat of their attraction surging back to life, and the evil madness hidden in the bowls of Parker Sanitarium, she realizes this sick and twisted game may have an higher price. Unsure if Colt’s an ally or an enemy, she’ll take the fight to the front lines, and brave mad science, magic and ravenous ghosts all in the name of truth and a second chance at love.

Here it is, the best *INSERT YOUR CHIP FLAVOR HERE* cookie recipe. (SECRET RECIPE ALERT - I developed this through experimentation with the toll house cookie recipe on the backs of the nestle chips. This is seriously road tested.)

The preferred home favorite is White Chocolate Macadamia. Second runner up - plain White Chocolate. Third - Chocolate Chip.

All of them fab. Here is the secret why: you will increase the vanilla, add an extra 1/4 cup flour, and heap the teaspoon of salt just a smidge, instead of using the exact recipe on the back of toll house chip bags. I did a fair amount of test kitchen work to get these proportions. The additional vanilla and slightly heaping the teaspoon of salt is done to enhance the sweet flavor. Believe it or not, salt can do that - heighten the flavors of other items. And vanilla is notorious for accentuating the flavor of all chocolates. The additional 1/4 cup of flour gives more body but preserves softness, and prevents the evil flat cookie spread BUT doesn't yield hard and heavy like any more flour often does.

So: Here we go. Your waist line will hate me but your tummy will bless my name and erect monuments in my honor.

OVEN: 375 - preheat

INGREDIENTS

Dough:
2 1/2 cups flour
1 tsp salt ( very slightly heaped, not flat cut - so mound it lightly in that tsp)
1 tsp baking soda (not powder, but soda - like Arm n Hammer)
3/4 cups white sugar
3/4 cups packed brown sugar
2 eggs
2 tsp vanilla extract (not imitation. don't cheap out here.)
1 cup (aka 2 sticks) butter UNSALTED!!!!! must be sweet cream or nothing!

Chips:
White chocolate macadamia - 1 12 oz bag Nestle premier white morsels, and about 3/4 cup cracked up macadamia nuts. Here's the skinny - yes, Giradellie has a finer taste, however they also have a lower melting point and caramelize and burn quicker so this brand is out if you want good cookies. For the nuts, I get them loose at the grocer, a little over a cup whole, put in a glad bag and hit with the meat mallet. Or rolling pin. Don't make dust of them, just smash to medium and small bits.

White Chocolate = 1  12 oz bag Nestle premier white morsels.

*NOTE: these are not so much white chocolate as white chips. Don't think to hard on it, trust me, your taste buds won't care about the details here.

Chocolate Chip - 1 12 oz bag Nestle semi-sweet chocolate morsels.

Additional materials
2 big reliable cookie sheets - aluminum is best. I always think the darker non stick are weird. There is a wide selection of cookie baking sheets and I like Quaker Oats Baking 101 for the explanations of the differences, though I am partial to air filled aluminum despite the questionable description.

2 mixing bowls, one big, and one not so big but big enough to hold all the flour.

Directions

Warning - I am an old school baker. My results are universally loved so the methods are not questioned. Whether you can cook or not, if you follow this, you will succeed and be deemed a Kitchen God/Goddess. So even if it sounds silly, do it.

PREP
You will need two bowls. Your big bowl is your wet and all ingredients bowl. The smaller is for your flower, salt, and baking powder.

Prior to baking, take out the butter and eggs, and let warm to almost room temp. A little before you are going to cook, dump butter sticks into your mix bowl for wet ingredients (yes, wet, we'll get to the rest), and cut up a bit with a knife. This is science in action - by increasing the surface area, you increase the speed it will soften.


Put flour in smaller bowl. Add salt and baking soda. Mix dry with a dry fork, until it looks blended. Set aside.

The butter should be nice and soft. If not, let it get there, and not with the use of a microwave. You can set it n ear the stove if you need a hurry up. Cream it smooth so it is well blended.

Add brown sugar and blend well into the butter. When that is evenly mixed, add the white sugar and mix again until well blended. Crack in the two eggs, hit two or three times to break yolk with your mixing spoon. Then before blending further, add the 2 tsp of vanilla extract. Now, blend it all together. Mix so that it's sloppy, wet, and brown. And well blended.

Add the dry to the wet. Mix. Slowly at first, almost like folding. It helps, I've found, to spin the bowl periodically while mixing. Like a sit and spin. Yes. Really. Not kidding here. It's an easy way to evenly mix. Pretty soon you will have cookie dough at which point everyone eats some. It's only human nature. Go ahead and grab some, but no more than a teaspoon.

Next, mix in your select additives. If you are doing chips n nuts, pour in chips, empty nuts and any nut dust on top of that, then blend.

When well mixed, you are ready to drop your cookies. Some folks use one of those little cookie dropper things that look like an ice cream scoop. That's cool. I don't own one. I use two teaspoons. Mound a teaspoon (not huge, a gentle mound) and use the other to scrape the batter into a drop onto your cookie sheet. Repeat until they are filled.

BAKING
7-9 minutes depending on your oven.
You want the edges to be faintly gold, and the tops to be high with another light dusting of gold.
On average, 8 seems to work, but occasionally I have to add an additional minute. Years ago I owned an oven that 7 on the dot was the exact magic time.

REMOVAL
Take the sheet out and set on stove top. For about 30 secs let the cookies sit. Then, using a metal spatula, or one that is VERY CRISP EDGED AND FLAT, remove cookies and place on a flat plate to cool. or a flat cold surface. It's important to take care as the cookies are very soft.

If the bottoms are unbrowned and white, put them back in for another minute.

Let cool, if you can manage, repeat baking process.

EATING
consume with insulin at the ready. ENJOY!!!!!

Here it is, the best *INSERT YOUR CHIP FLAVOR HERE* cookie recipe. (SECRET RECIPE ALERT - I developed this through experimentation with the toll house cookie recipe on the backs of the nestle chips. This is seriously road tested.)

The preferred home favorite is White Chocolate Macadamia. Second runner up - plain White Chocolate. Third - Chocolate Chip.

All of them fab. Here is the secret why: you will increase the vanilla, add an extra 1/4 cup flour, and heap the teaspoon of salt just a smidge, instead of using the exact recipe on the back of toll house chip bags. I did a fair amount of test kitchen work to get these proportions. The additional vanilla and slightly heaping the teaspoon of salt is done to enhance the sweet flavor. Believe it or not, salt can do that - heighten the flavors of other items. And vanilla is notorious for accentuating the flavor of all chocolates. The additional 1/4 cup of flour gives more body but preserves softness, and prevents the evil flat cookie spread BUT doesn't yield hard and heavy like any more flour often does.

So: Here we go. Your waist line will hate me but your tummy will bless my name and erect monuments in my honor.

OVEN: 375 - preheat

INGREDIENTS

Dough:
2 1/2 cups flour
1 tsp salt ( very slightly heaped, not flat cut - so mound it lightly in that tsp)
1 tsp baking soda (not powder, but soda - like Arm n Hammer)
3/4 cups white sugar
3/4 cups packed brown sugar
2 eggs
2 tsp vanilla extract (not imitation. don't cheap out here.)
1 cup (aka 2 sticks) butter UNSALTED!!!!! must be sweet cream or nothing!

Chips:
White chocolate macadamia - 1 12 oz bag Nestle premier white morsels, and about 3/4 cup cracked up macadamia nuts. Here's the skinny - yes, Giradellie has a finer taste, however they also have a lower melting point and caramelize and burn quicker so this brand is out if you want good cookies. For the nuts, I get them loose at the grocer, a little over a cup whole, put in a glad bag and hit with the meat mallet. Or rolling pin. Don't make dust of them, just smash to medium and small bits.

White Chocolate = 1  12 oz bag Nestle premier white morsels.

*NOTE: these are not so much white chocolate as white chips. Don't think to hard on it, trust me, your taste buds won't care about the details here.

Chocolate Chip - 1 12 oz bag Nestle semi-sweet chocolate morsels.

Additional materials
2 big reliable cookie sheets - aluminum is best. the darker non stick are weird. If you're good with them go for it, otherwise, aluminum is best.

2 mixing bowls, one big, and one not so big but big enough to hold all the flour.

Directions

Warning - I am an old school baker. My results are universally loved so the methods are not questioned. Whether you can cook or not, if you follow this, you will succeed and be deemed a Kitchen God/Goddess. So even if it sounds silly, do it.

PREP
You will need two bowls. Your big bowl is your wet and all ingredients bowl. The smaller is for your flower, salt, and baking powder.

Prior to baking, take out the butter and eggs, and let warm to almost room temp. A little before you are going to cook, dump butter sticks into your mix bowl for wet ingredients (yes, wet, we'll get to the rest), and cut up a bit with a knife. This is science in action - by increasing the surface area, you increase the speed it will soften.


Put flour in smaller bowl. Add salt and baking soda. Mix dry with a dry fork, until it looks blended. Set aside.

The butter should be nice and soft. If not, let it get there, and not with the use of a microwave. You can set it n ear the stove if you need a hurry up. Cream it smooth so it is well blended.

Add brown sugar and blend well into the butter. When that is evenly mixed, add the white sugar and mix again until well blended. Crack in the two eggs, hit two or three times to break yolk with your mixing spoon. Then before blending further, add the 2 tsp of vanilla extract. Now, blend it all together. Mix so that it's sloppy, wet, and brown. And well blended.

Add the dry to the wet. Mix. Slowly at first, almost like folding. It helps, I've found, to spin the bowl periodically while mixing. Like a sit and spin. Yes. Really. Not kidding here. It's an easy way to evenly mix. Pretty soon you will have cookie dough at which point everyone eats some. It's only human nature. Go ahead and grab some, but no more than a teaspoon.

Next, mix in your select additives. If you are doing chips n nuts, pour in chips, empty nuts and any nut dust on top of that, then blend.

When well mixed, you are ready to drop your cookies. Some folks use one of those little cookie dropper things that look like an ice cream scoop. That's cool. I don't own one. I use two teaspoons. Mound a teaspoon (not huge, a gentle mound) and use the other to scrape the batter into a drop onto your cookie sheet. Repeat until they are filled.

BAKING
7-9 minutes depending on your oven.
You want the edges to be faintly gold, and the tops to be high with another light dusting of gold.
On average, 8 seems to work, but occasionally I have to add an additional minute. Years ago I owned an oven that 7 on the dot was the exact magic time.

REMOVAL
Take the sheet out and set on stove top. For about 30 secs let the cookies sit. Then, using a metal spatula, or one that is VERY CRISP EDGED AND FLAT, remove cookies and place on a flat plate to cool. or a flat cold surface. It's important to take care as the cookies are very soft.

If the bottoms are unbrowned and white, put them back in for another minute.

Let cool, if you can manage, repeat baking process.

EATING
consume with insulin at the ready. ENJOY!!!!!

File this under: Holy Crap, this REALLY works. No Lie.
And also stick it in: My Hips Say No but My Stomach says GET IN MY BELLY!!!!

This is a single serve deep dish chocolate chip cookie that really serves 2. It takes about 7 minutes to mix, and usually 60 seconds in the microwave on high to cook. Yes. 60 freaking little itty bitty seconds. This cookie is sin in a dish. The recipe came from Linda Blesser on Facebook and I had to try it in the test kitchen because I did not believe it would work. But it did. And I tweaked the recipe just a smidge because I'm a nut for chip cookies, have my own recipe, and generally can't leave well enough alone. For full on chocolate chip cookies, or any kind of chip cookie base, see my basic  chocolate chip cookie recipe.

This is a very easy desert to make fresh for two, and I bet if you had kids, an easy way to make a quick desert for them, without having to do up an entire batch of cookies, because really, then you'd be obligated to eat them all, right? Right!

First: some recipe notes:
*DISH SIZE/TYPE: For dish I used one of the medium sized ramekins, so about 2 cup sized, flat bottom. It is microwave safe and allowed me to press the cookie flat. A pyrex 1qt glass container will work too but give a thinner cookie. So in that case do 40 seconds, then go up to 60 if it still needs to cook more.

*CHIPS: any kind, even peanut butter. Yup. It's that flexible. I prefer the white chips.

*TOPPINGS: deep dish cookies call for toppings, so ice cream, and, for the adults, Godiva Chocolate liquor and/or Butterscotch schnapps. Or Baileys. Be creative.

Basic Ingredients:
1/4 cup flour

a little less than 1/4 teaspoon salt. (about 2/3rd of the 1/4 teaspoon)

1 large egg YOLK (if you use extra large, add enough flour to compensate. since you're off script, you'll need to eye ball that yourself)

1/4 teaspoon vanilla (I usually add 2 since I have my own chip cookie recipe that heaps in vanilla)

1 Tablespoon Brown Sugar

1 Tablespoon White Sugar

1 Tablespoons Butter, softened. DO NOT USE MARGARINE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE. EVER!

Basic instructions:
Just as with chocolate or white chip cookies, soften the butter and blend in the sugar. In a different container, separate white from yolk. Mix vanilla and egg together, toss in salt, and add to the butter sugar mix. Once well blended, add the flour and mix together, then the chips. 

It will seem like they won't all go into the mix, and you may have to toss a dusting of flour in and then sort of press in with your hands, and then press into the dish so that the edges touch. that is why a flat bottomed dish works well.

For your first one: TEST your home nuke (microwave). Start with 40 seconds. Take it out. it should be puffy and the top a little bit dry looking like a finished cookie, but if it is still soft and falling on itself, give it the next 20 seconds. On a dry day 60 seconds will do the trick. On a humid day or if the wet ingredients are very wet for what ever crazy reason, you may need 10 seconds more in 1 or 2 increments.

So once you establish that time, which is on average 60 seconds, you are looking for a cookie that is slightly firm when removed, not sinking in on itself. It needs a minute or two to "set up" but should be soft inside, yet not uncooked. You'll know it needs 10 seconds more if you see it has yellowish insides that seem wetter than the top. Then go 10 secs n check, 10 secs in check. You'll need no more than 20 additional seconds, but as I said, most likely 60 will be your sweet spot.

Let it rest for like a minute or two. Use this to get out the ice cream and booze. Then, have at it. (if it's for kids, leave off the hooch, okay?)

I think this recipe is so easy it should be illegal.

File this under: Only in Troy (NY).

Let me preface: Troy, NY, my adopted home town, is nuts. Things happen here that happen no where else on the planet. Nor should they. Troy has what peole call "Character", as well as all other kinds of monkeyshines. Currently I reside in Brunswick, on the eastern border of Troy, though if the postal service had it's way I'd be considered Troy. We call it the 'disputed lands', and leave it at that.

Anyway, a few weeks back driving our local route out of the city (Troy) we noticed corn growing wildly. Brunswick is heavily agricultural, so that was not weird. But we were solidly in Troy, and the corn was not growing in the park, in someones front yard, or even in dirt. No, it was growing out of the sewer drain. So, Troy, known for so many things like South Troy (It's own universe that is ready to fight you), a history of 2 police forces that dueled it out for supremacy, and the creation of disposable collars, now can boast, in addition to it's fantastic Farmers Market, locally produced urban farmed Sewer Corn.

Gives new meaning to the phrase "Locally Grown."  You are what you eat, folks. (Note: for locals this is the sewer on the Northeastern corner of Ingals and Oakwood Ave.)


It's actually pretty tall. It is growing up through the vent and that fuzzy thing that pops out of the top of really tall cornstalks is just making it's appearance. I estimate several feet of stalk well below the grate. NYC grows alligators, but upstate, we are more tame, and sustainable.
ENJOY TROY!!!!!

 I love fast, easy, tasty cooking, especially if it's paired with bold flavors and even some health beneifts. And I love curry. That's how I ended up with my infamous “curry in a hurry” go-to recipe. It is a fast one pot meal that takes additions and substitutions well, cooks in a jiff, and always comes out perfect.
This tastes fantastic, and is disgustingly healthy. It is also budget friendly, easy, and makes you look like a Iron Chef to your guests. If you like Curry, you will love this dish. Enjoy!
The main ingredient is Seeds Of Change Madras Simmer sauce (which by happy coincidence is organic and lower in sodium than many other curry sauce alternatives). I discovered this at Fresh Market and tried it on a lark and discovered that alone it's pretty tasty, but when jazzed up with a few more select additions, it really took flight. Plus it makes curry a fast affair that mimics scratch made. This serves 4 adults and more if you add more veg to the mix. I have found it in local food co-ops, in healthfood stores, and speciatly grocers like Fresh Market. If you can't find it local, try on-line. Even WalMart.com sells this little jar of wonderful.

Ingredients: 1 lb skinless boneless chicken roughly cubed (you can use tofu also, just alter cooking temps)1 red pepper, cut in chunks1 green pepper, cut in chunks1 fresh Jalapeno pepper diced, no seeds, or two tablespoons of jarred jalapeno rings (optional)About ½ cup frozen greens (I use chopped mustard, takes collards, turnip or spinach, or bok choy too)About two tablespoons olive oil (I never measure, I just coat the pan by eye and go to work)1 full jar Seeds of Change Madras Simmer SauceOptional ground red pepper to taste to get it hotter if you want. If you add the jalapenos it will be pretty spicy, and this is from someone who eats heavily spiced foods.  When I serve to guests who say they eat spicy, just the jalapeno is enough to set tongues to wagging. But in the hot weather, adding that extra 1/2 teaspoon or teaspoon ground red pepper takes it up to a blissful level of taste and tingle that's a perfect fit for the summer swelter.
 Also optional: any other veg you have around.  Frozen works especially well here. I’ve added everything from Snow Peas and Scallions, to Cauliflower and Okra. When it comes to the veg portion, you can get very creative. Just keep in mind cooking times (things like snow peas or scallions add more toward the end). Also keep in mind how far sauce will stretch. Instructions: In a non stick pan or skillet large enough to hold all the above ingredients so they are not heaped over each other (this will be a 12” – don’t skimp), throw in the olive oil, the veg, then the chicken, and cook over medium-high heat until the chicken can be cut with a dull spatula and is cooked mostly through. This is about 15 minutes give or take, depending on your flame and pan. The peppers should just begin to soften.Pour in the simmer sauce, spend a few minutes mixing to coat everything evenly. Keep the heat up for another five minutes or so, then reduce to medium and let simmer. You want the sauce to reduce (cook down so that it’s not as fluid). You will need to periodically stir. I find a spatter guard helpful at this point (it is a screen that goes over your pan to prevent oil or sauces from splattering all over).Cook like this until sauce is thicker, but not caramelized (burned a little). Serve plain, with naan, pita, or as I do: with basmati brown rice.Pairs well with a nice full bodied, juicy red wine and a deck overlooking something scenic, or with a TV tray, recliner and e-reader.*Naan is an Indian flat bread made in special ovens. You can get it frozen at Indian and some Asian grocers. It is a total bad carb fiesta and indecently yummy.