Robin Koval's Blog

The American Council on Science and Health recently reported that “Negative messages about children’s vaccines are more likely to be spread on Twitter than positive messages.” This was according to research led by Marcel Salathé, an assistant professor of biology at Penn State University, who also shared that the study, “found that a high volume of negative tweets seemed to encourage people to tweet more negatively.”

As we’ve previously discussed on this blog and in The Power of Nice, negative impressions are like germs. That is, rude gestures and remarks have the ability to spread like wildfire, infecting not just you, but everyone around you. And in the Twittersphere, a negative tweet, retweet or hashtag can travel around the world at lightning speed.  140 characters can pack a powerful punch, and Twitter’s multiplier effect enables those negative germs to spread faster and be more impactful than ever before.

But outside the health arena, does the same hold true on Twitter? Inspired by the study, Mashable took a broader look at the topic in the piece, “Are Negative Twitter Messages Contagious?” Surveying several social media experts, the article cited another recent study by researchers at the University of Pennsylvania, which “found that people do share good news online, partially because of the desire to share the “awe” factor of content. And when comparing negative to positive content, people prefer sharing positively-themed content….. sometimes it’s not just about the content itself as much as who shares it. The right influencer retweeting content can have an extremely profound effect on total shares.”

Twitter’s power –for both good and bad – cannot and should not be underestimated. Just as negative impressions are like germs, we also believe positive actions are like seeds on Twitter, and that positivity can grow and expand exponentially, changing the world for the better one Tweet at a time. 

So, the next time you go to hit that blue button, pause a second and remember #thepowerofnice.

For many NICE professionals, talking about—and taking credit for—their accomplishments a big challenge. Walking that fine line between sharing the credit with your team and getting your moment in the spotlight is difficult. Often, people minimize their roles, or share the credit so much that they end up giving it all away.

In Facebook COO, Sheryl Sandberg’s new book, Lean In, she tells the powerful story of how four women financial executives worked together to get ahead in their respective careers.  Once a month, they all got together for lunch, where they would catch up on each other’s professional accomplishments. Afterward, they would return to work and tout their friends’ achievements to their coworkers and managers. All that bragging about each other had a huge impact: each of them enjoyed major promotions and successful careers thanks to the other ladies’ excellent word of mouth.

It’s a great example of how positive impressions are like seeds—and a NICE strategy you can put to work immediately. Find your cheerleaders and become their biggest fans. When they do great work, don’t be afraid to brag about it to others. It can even help to put it in writing by sending a note commending their work via email.

Your positive sentiment will not only boost your coworkers’ profiles; it will enhance your image as well. So, the next time you do something worthwhile, it will make them want to cheer even louder.

We know. After reading that title, you’re probably asking, “Gossip?! Aren’t you two the authors of THE POWER OF NICE?” Well, yes we are—and today we’re here to tell you that it’s okay to be a gossip girl or guy.

No, we haven’t lost our minds. Research has found that gossiping at work can have a positive effect, provided it’s kind. Humans are naturally programmed to talk about one another and because of this, we instinctively find people who talk about other people to be more interesting than those who do not. Moreover, the people who talk about others in a positive way are the ones who everyone wants to be around the most.

That means backstabbing and making catty comments about coworkers is out and spreading positive news about others is in.

Though it might spark people’s interest, remarking, “Did you hear that Ryan is taking credit for all of Becky’s ideas again? What a fake!” is not going to make you any friends. But, indulging in a little friendly gossip like, “Did you hear that Erin got engaged last night? She just posted pictures on Facebook and she looks so happy!” certainly will.

If your professional policy has always been to keep mum on others at work, you might feel a little hesitant to test the gossip waters. So here are a few do’s and don’ts we’ve adapted from Harvard Business Review Editor, Amy Gallo’s blog.

Do:
• Stay curious. Your at-work friendships can help you learn more about goings-on at your company.
• Choose your medium wisely. In the age of the accidental reply-all, email isn’t always a good bet.
• Think before you speak. You want to spread positive seeds, not negative germs.
Don’t:
• Rule out gossiping altogether. As long as it’s positive, it’s a good way to connect with others and make small talk.
• Let others spread negative comments about a colleague, particularly if you know for a fact that they aren’t true.

Ask any professional how they got started and they’ll tell you: just getting a foot in the door was the hardest step in their career.  Over the years, we’ve surprised our readers with our own stories of success, entering—and then conquering—the business world not with spears and intimidation, but with flowers and chocolates. Indeed, being NICE was the key to our professional growth. Recently, a few smart college students have used the same approach and they’ve not only gotten noticed by hiring managers; they’ve taken the Internet by storm. So, what did they do that was so refreshing and effective? They wrote great job inquiries that harnessed a few key POWER OF NICE principles. Specifically, they showed their respect, lost the ego, and told the truth.

As was first reported by Business Insider, 22-year old Matthew Ross turned heads on Wall Street thanks to an honest, humble, and friendly internship inquiry.  In his email, Ross wrote:

I am writing to inquire about a possible internship in your office. I am aware that it is highly unusual for undergraduates from average universities like mine to intern at your firm, but I am hoping you might make an exception. I am extremely interested in investment banking and would love nothing more than to learn from your tutelage. I have no qualms about fetching coffee, shining shoes, or picking up laundry, and will work for next to nothing. In all honesty, I just want to be around professionals in the industry and gain as much knowledge as I can.

Within minutes, this humble and honest cover letter was quickly forwarded to the recipient’s colleagues throughout the financial industry, and resulted in Ross receiving not one internship offer but many.

Another humble, honest, and kind cover letter making waves was recently featured on the Harvard Business Review Blog by its recipient, Nickelodeon EVP and Worldwide Creative Director, Anne Kreamer. In it, the sender, a Portland State University junior named Zanele Mutepfa, details her future goals and makes a powerful ask:

Some may think one of the strangest things to do is believe in a stranger, but if not one stranger believed in us, once upon a time, where would we all be today? Someone did it for you.

Kreamer explains that the letter’s simple emotional pull lead her to grant Mutepfa’s request for a meeting, and many other recipients did the same, taking time out from their busy schedules to meet with a young person eager to learn.

It’s a great example of how E.Q. can be just as integral to your professional success as your I.Q. When you show others that you can lose the ego, listen, and learn, you plant positive seeds and open yourself up to a wealth of priceless opportunities.

If you work in sales or marketing, you know how difficult it can be to get a potential customer to give up their personal information. According to a recent survey by consumer intelligence and marketing firm, Emailvision, only 28% of consumers would be willing to give up their full name in order to receive a targeted personal offer. And, as the survey further shows, if a customer acquiesces to give you his or her name, your company had better not only remember it, but spell it correctly.
Emailvision reports that half of respondents claimed that misspelling their name in an email would significantly damage their impression of the sender. In other words: one misplaced letter can spell disaster.

So, why are names especially powerful? As Dale Carnegie once wrote in his book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, “a man’s name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” By acknowledging others by name, you make them feel more important and give them a healthy boost of confidence.  And that in turn, reflects positively back on you, allowing you to quickly and easily plant positive seeds wherever you go.  Getting a name right can help you forge a strong relationship, while getting it wrong—even just the spelling—is sure to leave a lasting bad impression.

It’s a lesson any professional should take to heart. Whether you’re a seasoned email marketer, a fresh graduate, or anywhere in between, training yourself to remember and spell names correctly can be a powerful asset. So, before you send your next email to a business prospect or mail a cover letter to a potential employer, remember exactly “what’s in a name.” Then, give it another read to make sure every detail, including the often-overlooked salutation, is letter perfect.

In our book, THE POWER OF NICE: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness, we talk about how sharing the credit can help you rise to the top. Many professionals mistakenly believe that you have to take all the credit for every project if you want to get noticed. Yet, as we’ve experienced, you get even better recognition if you share it with your teammates.

But, have you ever noticed how when some people share the credit, they actually give it all away? Rather than acknowledging everyone’s hard work, they give all of their teammates their due and leave nothing for themselves. Although a little humility is certainly a good thing, downplaying your role at work is a career mistake.

The truth is: sharing the credit doesn’t mean giving it all away. It means letting others shine, while enjoying the spotlight a little yourself, too. Here are a few do’s and don’ts to consider when a manager compliments you on your work:

Do be specific. Make sure to add in a few specific contributions your teammates made while acknowledging your role. For example, “Yes, I put in a lot of time crunching those numbers. And Jane did a great job on the Power Point deck.”

Don’t be dismissive. It’s good to be modest, but don’t dismiss the praise. Instead, say thank you and continue the conversation, talking about the work you and all of your coworkers did together.

Do put it in writing. If you did something worthwhile, make sure to let your boss know and do it in writing. It’s a big deal for you but there is a lot on your boss’s plate and you would be surprised how much she will value your help in documenting specific accomplishments Just be sure that when you do put it in writing, you remember to mention the contributions of the team.

When we talk about how we made it to the top of the advertising world, we often joke that we conquered it not with spears and intimidation, but with flowers and chocolates. What do we mean? Well, put most simply, we were nice. And part of that niceness meant letting go of our egos and actually embracing the competition.

We realized early on that in this business, listening, letting the other guy be smarter, and even trading ideas with your so-called “foes” can benefit everyone involved. Our business grows, their business grows, and there’s room for everyone at the table. Even in the notoriously competitive Silicon Valley, head-to-head competitors have learned they can all grow by “co-opetition,” that is, collaborating or cooperating with your competitors.


As LinkedIn founder, Reid Hoffman recently told the New York Times, “Sure competition here is sharp-elbowed, but no one can succeed by themselves. The only way you can achieve something magnificent is by working with other people. There is lots of co-opetition.”

To quote an old phrase, “If you want to be incrementally better: Be competitive. If you want to be exponentially better: Be cooperative.” Keeping your ideas to yourself can only ensure that they never go anywhere.

As a practitioner of THE POWER OF NICE, chances are you have no shortage of allies around the office. Because you are an expert at NICE skills like making small talk, listening to others, being honest, and sharing the credit, it’s likely that your coworkers consider you a trusted friend. They probably even confide in you about their problems with other coworkers, and those coworkers might confide in you, too. Sound familiar?

If you’ve ever been in this sticky situation, you know how uncomfortable it can be to get caught in the middle of two coworkers who just can’t get along. But, clearly, you don’t want to get dragged into their office drama. Not only would it be bad for your working relationships, it could damage the NICE reputation you’ve worked hard to build. And as we like to say, negative impressions are like germs. It doesn’t take long before one can spread and infect a whole group of people.

So, what’s a NICE person to do?

Tell the truth. Honesty is one of the cornerstones of NICE. So, don’t be afraid to be candid (not blunt) with your coworker. If you don’t want to be part of a conversation that involves personally attacking someone else, simply explain in a gentle but firm way that you are uncomfortable with the subject of the conversation, but that you still care about his or her feelings.

Make it a solution-oriented conversation. When your work friend comes to you bashing another office mate, simply ask, “What are you going to do about it?” Since many times people just want to complain, this will stop them in their tracks. Even better, it just might change their mindset and motivate them to repair a relationship that was broken.

Today we were reading Social Q’s on NYT.com and we came across an advice column that immediately caught our attention. The advice seeker wrote Philip Galanes about a sticky situation he’d encountered when a compliment he’d given a friend about her recent weight loss backfired. “You look great! Have you lost weight?” he quipped, only to discover that his horrified friend had indeed lost weight due to a recent, serious illness. Now, not only was he unsure of how he should have responded, he was uncertain if compliments were altogether a bad idea.

It reminded us of a story Linda recounts in our book, THE POWER OF NICE:

Early on in my career, I had bought myself a beautiful new suit. I was really proud of it. I had just had a baby and was trying to get my weight back and I felt so good in this suit. But, all day, no one said anything to me about it. I felt incredibly disappointed. Finally, I asked one of my colleagues why he thought no one had mentioned my new suit. He looked at me dryly and said, “Linda, it’s called a law suit.”

That’s the concern many people have about giving compliments: that they’ll be taken the wrong way. They’re so worried that their kind words won’t be well received, that they’re actually afraid to say them! But, think about it: how likely is it that you would be offended if someone innocently complimented you on your earrings or told you that your idea at the meeting was really bright? Chances are it wouldn’t leave you feeling sour (or litigious, for that matter).

If you’re giving a genuine and appropriate compliment, it’s almost always likely to make a good impression and brighten the other person’s day. And with such a powerful potential for return on investment, it’s worth the risk, provided you consider what you say carefully. For example, in the case of the New York Times advice-seeker, simply making his compliment less specific, offering, “You look terrific!” as Galanes suggests, instead of commenting on the sensitive topic of weight, might have resulted in an entirely different encounter—a very positive one, at that.

So, once you’ve chosen your words wisely, take the risk and say something NICE. Paying a compliment can really pay off.

It’s the holiday season, and for many of you, that means a hectic schedule, filled with holiday parties, family gatherings, neighborhood open houses and seemingly endless occasions for making small talk. For the shy among you, that may make the holidays a particularly stressful time. But, no matter how much of a wallflower you might be, there are perks to making small talk. It’s a quick way to make a positive impression, and best of all it’s easier then you think.

So, what’s key to making great small talk? Be curious and ask questions. As we like to say, there’s nothing more appealing than a person who finds you utterly fascinating. So, instead of making yourself the topic of conversation, give the other person the spotlight and be a little nosy. Ask about their holiday plans, if they plan to travel, or what they like to cook during these festive weeks, for example. The most important thing to keep the conversation flowing is to ask open ended, rather than “yes” or “no” questions.

If you’re worried that you’ll come across as overly inquisitive, don’t worry. Recent research suggests that being nosy is actually a turn-on. The more curious a person is during a conversation, the more positively the encounter is perceived because it makes the other feel valued.

So, this holiday season, make “Schmooze or Lose” your new mantra. Small talk isn’t just a bunch of chatter; it’s the glue that cements relationships and keeps them together.