Sharon O. Tai's Blog

I was so sad to hear of the recent passing of my favorite poet, Mary Oliver. Mary’s poems change lives. Including mine. I discovered her when I needed her. Long ago, her poems, Wild Geese and The Journey, pulled me up from the depths of depression when most days I felt like I was walking through wet cotton wool.

Mary, you leave behind a world of wonder, beauty, and love. Though my heart breaks that you are no longer physically with us, your indomitable spirit lives on in your poems. And, as you wrote in When Death Comes:

When it’s over, I want to say: all my life

I was a bride married to amazement.

I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it’s over, I don’t want to wonder

if I have made of my life something particular, and real.

I don’t want to find myself sighing and frightened,

or full of argument.

I don’t want to end up having simply visited this world.

I hope at the end you didn’t have to wonder…

Rest in Peace, Mary Oliver (September 10, 1935-January 17, 2019)

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poets/mary-oliver

Do you agree? Check out the article below from The Pool by contributor, Emily Baker.

Thanks for the thought, Apple, but you can keep your filters.

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A couple of months ago, I edited a selfie using the Facetune app and no one even noticed. Despite what it sounds like, this wasn’t a vanity project, it was a delve into the world of what doctors are calling “Snapchat dysmorphia” – a phenomenon in which people’s perception of their own beauty is changed and moulded by the filters offered on the 188-million-user strong platform. And, now, rather than having to download a third-party app, your phone will do it for you straight through the camera. Without asking.

According to owners of the new iPhone XS and the iPhone XS Max, the camera app is automatically smoothing and brightening skin, removing blemishes and generally making their selfies more “beautiful”. In other words, Apple thinks we all need a bit of help in the looks department. iPhone XS owners have been comparing selfies taken on their new phones compared with older photos on a Reddit thread, where many have noticed the differences. “No wonder why I liked that selfie I took the other day,” joked one commenter, while another one suggested the move was a marketing strategy by Apple to make the new iPhone’s camera look better than older models: “This is all marketing so when people compare pictures of themselves from two phones and immediately think the iPhone camera is better because they look better.” It’s not an outrageous theory. Personally, I have no issue with people editing their selfies if they want to and – crucially – being honest about doing so. Issues with the practice only arise, at least for me, when celebrities and influencers (most of whom make money from looking a certain way on Instagram) deceive their followers into believing they are looking at a real human person with a bum that big and a waist that small. When Apple decide to automatically beautify selfies, they’re just as culpable as the misleading Instagram influencers. Worse, they’re also incriminating unwitting selfie-takers in the act.

True, Apple aren’t the only tech company guilty of implementing such a filter. When Samsung released the Galaxy S2, in 2011, it came equipped with a not-so subtly named “beauty filter” and has been a mainstay of Galaxy generations ever since. When you turn on the front camera of Huawei’s P20 smartphone, a slider appears on which you can decide how much of a beautifying filter you want – it automatically chooses a five (out of 10). The difference is the user must decide to turn these filters on. In not allowing owners to turn the beautifying feature all the way off, Apple have made that choice for us. The camera feature seems very out of step with the way society views retouching – every time a celebrity is on a magazine cover having eschewed Photoshop, we celebrate both the publication and the woman (and it is always a woman). American drugstore CVS have even decided to ban all retouched, manipulated and Photoshopped images in their stores.

Natural, flaws-out faces are finally becoming de rigueur, and rightly so, too, so why is Apple – supposedly one of the most forward-thinking companies of our time – not on board? It’s apparently aware of the complaints and is “looking into the situation”, and many claim the smoothing effects are just due to the automatic effects that the iPhone X applies in low-light pictures. If this is true, then it’s a mistake on Apple’s part – but it still needs to be fixed. A dark picture isn’t worth the damage that perfected, edited selfies are having. But the blame doesn’t lie solely with Apple, or any one tech company, for that matter. Anyone on Instagram, or Snapchat, who surreptitiously edits their photos must have a little accountability – yes, that includes me. Recently, Instagram and the Advertising Standards Authority have cracked down on the way influencers are allowed to sell us products online – is it outrageous to suggest a similar system for edited selfies?

 

 

[image error]Mike Colter and Mustafa Shakir in Luke Cage Season 2  

While I watched Season 2 of Marvel’s Netflix series, Luke Cage, I cringed, shook my head, and tried to find humor in the godawful Jamaican accents. After a while, I stopped laughing and began to feel disrespected. Like the show’s producers couldn’t be bothered to do their research? Or at the very least have a Jamaican speech coach on set? I’m Jamaican, 100 percent, and at times, I could not understand what some of the characters were saying, especially Sahr Ngaujah’s character, Anansi. But he’s just one of many, many.

Where is Paul Campbell when you need him? Or the countless other Jamaican actors here in New York and Jamaica?

And I’m not the only one who feels this way.

Social media is awash with criticism about the portrayal of the Jamaican culture, accent, and patwa (patois) in Luke Cage. Showrunner, Cheo Hodari Coker, tweeted rather dismissively, “I’d rather risk people being angry than not do it at all. Because people are now [Googling] The Maroons and Nanny and Marcus Garvey as we speak…sometimes perfection is the enemy of the good.”

Check out the article entitled “To the Producers of Marvel’s Luke Cage: Enough with the Ja’Faikans” by Andray Domise and Sharine Taylor on Vice. An excerpt:

“Patwa, a beautifully paradoxical language in its simple reductiveness and complex construction, is as much a part of Jamaican identity as our culture, dance, music, food, and all the other aspects that make us what we are. When it is repackaged, refined, and sanitized to be accepted by a broader audience, our culture becomes as unrecognizable as a gentrified Dole recipe for jerk chicken. The way to rectify this is simple: if you can, do, and if you can’t, don’t. It’s painful enough when our own parents try to strip us of our culture and language in order to survive in a world that doesn’t understand us. The last thing we need is the rest of pop culture affirming they were right to do so.”

 

 

I’m loving today’s post from The Pool. The Pool is my new favorite discovery – an online forum for women who are to busy to browse the net or read newspapers. They feature three articles daily (e.g., current affairs, culture, and fashion). Today’s posting is in partnership with Triumph.

The Best Life Advice from 20 Fearless Women

[image error]Bjork, Zadie Smith, Michelle Obama, Saoirse Ronan

From American politician Madeleine Albright’s famous quote, “There’s a special place in hell for women who do not help other women,” to poet Maya Angelou’s immortal words, “I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life’s a bitch. You’ve got to go out and kick ass,” history is peppered with wise and inspirational advice from fearless women. It’s these words that we turn to time and time again and use as little mental boosts to lift us up and guide us through the day.

These mantras chime with Triumph’s new campaign, #TogetherWeTriumph. Triumph believes in the same things we do – the importance of celebrating strong women and female success, and also the simple fact that when we support each other, we achieve so much more. So, without further ado, we’ve rounded up 20 of our favourite quotes to inspire your week. Don’t keep them to yourself – pass them on.

DON’T WORRY, JUST DO

“You don’t have to wait to be confident. Just do it and eventually the confidence will follow.” Carrie Fisher, actress

LIVE LIFE TO THE FULL

“We’ve all got to get out there and live more.” Corinne Bailey Rae, singer

DON’T PRETEND TO BE SOMETHING ELSE

“The best advice I’ve ever received is to be myself because it is too difficult to be someone I’m not.” Roxane Gay, American writer and professor

BE OPEN TO CHANGE

“Life is to progress, to move through things, to be open to change and to know new things.” Juliette Binoche, actress

DON’T LOOK BACK

“You can always forgive yourself or apologise for things you do, but you can’t ever work through things you wish you’d done and you didn’t.” Susan Sarandon, actress

ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE

“I expect to wrestle when I’m 100.” Mae Young, American wrestler

FIND YOUR VOICE AND USE IT

“Speak! It’s a revolution for women to have voices.” Jill Soloway, director

BE YOURSELF

“The more you can be authentic, the happier you’re going to be and life will work itself around that.” Melinda Gates, philanthropist

DON’T DRINK ALL THE DRINKS

“Don’t drink all the drinks just because they’re free!” Greta Gerwig, actress

KEEP ON LEARNING

“Learning is the most important thing, no matter how you do it, where you do it or who you do it with.” Saoirse Ronan, actress

TREAT PEOPLE WELL

“Focus on what you can control. Be a good person every day. Vote. Read. Treat one another kindly. Follow the law. Don’t tweet nasty stuff.” Michelle Obama, former First Lady of the United States

SAY WHAT YOU WANT OR PEOPLE WON’T KNOW

“A lot of people are afraid to say what they want. That’s why they don’t get what they want.” Madonna, singer

BE KIND TO YOURSELF

“You just have to remember to give yourself a little bit of a break sometimes.” Maya Rudolph, actress

JUST DO IT

“The most effective way to do it is to do it.” Amelia Earhart, aviation pioneer

SOMETIMES IT PAYS NOT TO LISTEN

“In every good marriage, it helps sometimes to be a little deaf.” Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Associate Justice of the US Supreme Court 

EVERYONE HAS A RIGHT TO LOVE

“We deserve to experience love fully, equally, without shame and without compromise.” Ellen Page, actress

THERE’S POWER IN A WALK

“Just go for a walk for an hour and come back and see how you feel then.” Björk, singer

DON’T WORRY ABOUT TOMORROW

“You can destroy your now by worrying about tomorrow.” Janis Joplin, singer

YOU ARE YOUR OWN AUTHOR

“I am the sole author of the dictionary that defines me.” Zadie Smith, author

NEVER GIVE UP

“I attribute my success to this: I never gave or took any excuse.” Florence Nightingale, nurse

There’s an interesting article in The Guardian today on the effect friends have on our quality of life. Read it here.

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Finally, winter is over. We may have bypassed spring and jumped right into the heat of summer – my favorite time of the year – so what better way to while away summer hours than reading. Check out the Independent‘s list of debut novelists, here.

Fatima Farheen Mirza, Guy Gunaratne and Sharlene Teo all have debut novels out this summer Gregg Richards, C Barney Poole




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I just finished watching season two of the Peabody, Hugo, and Emmy Award-winning Marvel’s Jessica Jones on Netflix. Jones is a whiskey-drinking, anti-superhero private eye who is beautiful, flawed, super strong (of course!), and vulnerable. Which all make for a very interesting female lead, and does this perfectly. If you haven’t seen seasons one and two of  Marvel’s Jessica Jones, get to it – it’s another enjoyable reason to Netflix and chill!

 

 

This arrived in my inbox today from a friend in the UK. Interesting how the language of love evolved.

10 Romantic Words with Which to Woo This Valentine’s Day

[image error]Heart inside a book

Love it or hate it, there’s no escaping Valentine’s Day. With modern day expectations – to provide cards, expensive gifts and elaborate dinners – the 14th February can seem overwhelming for even the most seasoned lothario. Luckily, we’re on hand to help: single or coupled up, you’re guaranteed to impress the object of your affection by deploying some old-fashioned, heartfelt language of love.

Here are some of the most romantic words in the English language, their origins and how to use them to maximum effect. Now go forth and woo!

1. Sweetheart

‘Sweetheart’, a term of endearment that originates from the Middle English phrase ‘swete herte’, was first recorded in the 13th century. Henry VIII famously used the word in a letter to his second wife, Anne Boleyn: ‘wishing myself (especially an evening) in my sweetheart’s arms’. If it’s good enough for royalty, it’s good enough for us! Worth bearing in mind, however, that their relationship is perhaps not one to emulate – the Queen’s head was on the chopping block a short time later.

2. Honey

Deriving from the Old English word ‘hunig’, ‘honey’ has been a term of endearment from at least the mid-14th century. Getting creative with the metaphor, 16th century Scottish poet William Dunbar referred to his loved one as a ‘honey sop’, meaning a piece of bread soaked in the sweet liquid. Worth a try?

3. Cupid

Cupid – a chubby, winged cherub with a bow and arrow – was the Roman god of erotic love. His name derives from ‘Cupīdō’, meaning ‘desire’, and any person shot and wounded by one of Cupid’s golden arrows is said to be filled with uncontrollable desire. Soul singer Sam Cooke famously called on the mythical matchmaker’s help: ‘Cupid draw back your bow, and let your arrow go, straight to my lover’s heart, for me’.

4. Scrumptious

Want your loved one to know how attractive they are? Tell them they are simply ‘scrumptious’. The origins of the term are unclear but it may be an evolution of the word sumptuous. Of course, it’s mostly uttered in relation to all things culinary – but can equally be used to describe a person looking good enough to eat! Roald Dahl had his own famous version of the word: The BFG describes the book Nicholas Nickleby as ‘the most scrumdiddlyumptious story.’

5. Bewitching

In the 1200s, ‘biwicchen’ meant to ‘cast a spell’ on someone, ‘enchant’ or ‘subject to sorcery’. But the negative association with witchcraft dissipated and by the mid-1500s the word ‘bewitching’ came to mean ‘having the power to fascinate or charm past resistance’. In ‘Pride and Prejudice’, Mr Darcy famously uses the word as he proclaims his feelings to Elizabeth Bennet: ‘You have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love… I love… I love you.’

6. Bawcock

It may not often get used in chat up lines these days but a ‘bawcock’, meaning a ‘fine fellow’, was a favourite expression of life-long romantic William Shakespeare. It originates from the French words ‘beau’ (handsome) and ‘coq’ (cock). In Shakespeare’s play Henry V, swaggering soldier Pistol announces, ‘The king’s a bawcock, and a heart of gold.’

7. Passion

From the Latin verb ‘patī’, which means ‘to suffer’, feeling ‘passion’ is to endure a powerful emotion – and specifically intense, sexual love. It’s a word that appears again and again in D.H. Lawrence’s explosive novel, ‘Lady Chatterley’s Lover.’ Deemed too salacious for British readers it was banned in the UK until 1960, more than three decades after it was written.

The book tells the story of upper class, married woman, Constance and her gamekeeper Oliver Mellors as they embark on a fiery affair. Constance states, ‘oh, how voluptuous and lovely it was to have limbs and body half-asleep, heavy and suffused with passion.’

8. Breathtaking

We’re not talking about being winded in an overly aggressive team sport, but the effect of setting eyes on a particularly beautiful or striking person. The phrase ‘breathtaking’, in the sense of leaving one breathless with astonishment or delight, originated in the 1860s. Try telling your beau that their ‘barnet is breathtaking’ this February. 

9. Rapture

‘The Rapture’ is a term used by certain Christians to refer to the time when all of us will rise into the sky and join Christ in heaven for eternity. The word is derived from the Latin ‘raptus’ (‘a carrying off’) but it has come to mean a feeling of intense pleasure or joy; the euphoric emotion we feel when we’re with the person we love. (NB: Not to be confused with ‘Velociraptor’, the ruthless, carnivorous dinosaur.)

10. Besotted

To tell someone you are ‘besotted’ with him or her is certainly not playing things cool, but it’s bound to get a heart racing. A late 16th century word similar to infatuation, if you are ‘besotted’ with someone or something then you like them to the extent that you seem foolish or silly. In fantasy romance novel ‘Twilight’, Bella says of Edward that she is ‘besotted by him’ and that it would cause her ‘physical pain to be separated from him now.’ Getting involved with a vampire – now that’s foolish.

One of my favorite books is “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz. Four simple philosophies of which if we all followed, our world, our lives, and the lives of others would bring us utter happiness.

A couple years ago, I gladly gifted my copy to a friend. I urge you to get a copy for yourself – after reading it, gift it to someone who you think would benefit or keep it as a constant reminder. Copies are available almost everywhere books are sold. Here’s an Amazon link (https://tinyurl.com/ycxty6g7) and a Barnes & Noble link (https://tinyurl.com/y8gv58x3) to get your copy.

 

 

 

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Filed under: Uncategorized Tagged: books, DonMiguelRuiz, FourAgreements, Guidance, happiness, PersonalFreedom, Self-Help

Filed under: Uncategorized Tagged: be present, inspiration, Meditation, mindfulness, now, relaxation