Sheila Balls's Blog: All Right So Far

Towards morning but still fully dark I am wakened by the soft pad of a cat stepping carefully across the bed to look into my face: “Are you awake?”

I used to write then, up at the lake, those nights I could not sleep, but it has been a long time since I felt like writing through the dark hours . . . maybe because of the “dark hours” we have gone through in our own life.

In those years we lived in The Not-So-Deep-Woods, my husband and I navigated our way through a faltering marriage and health conditions hard to imagine unless you are the one living them. Thank heavens we could not see ahead, to know how much scarier the journey would get, how much loss we as a couple, and especially Carl, would face.

Still, the darkness of loss lets you see more clearly that there is light too, the light of friends and family and happy times, the understanding that if you hold hands and move forward you can in the end be all right.

Holiday weekend, blessedly quiet after a week where we spent hours in four different hospitals from London to Owen Sound.Nurses came every day at first, then every second day, and now we are on our own til Wednesday. But changing the meds bag is not difficult compared to the procedures we used to have to cope with just a few years ago. Our method is for me to read instructions aloud and Carl to do the hands on.Today the nurse reminded us always read the label on the bag to make sure it is the proper drug. Oh MY!

Another round of surgery for Carl. This time we are older and wiser. We know more or less what to expect. This will be surgery number nine since 2003, with number ten soon to follow. At least this time we are going under our own power . . . no ambulances, no helicopters, just us. Say a prayer or two, would you?

Someone just sent me a photo of a pet deer standing on the owner's bed. And I thought sharing a bed with a couple of cats was challenging!

The first section in my book Our Side of the Fence is called One Piece of the Puzzle. This first piece of the 2010 medical puzzle that is my husband Carl's life, is now in place as the first of his three upcoming surgeries is scheduled in two to three weeks. We are so thankful it will be out of the way before the bigger, more chaotic procedures begin in April. Our ultimate hope is to have him in reasonable health again by the end of July so that this year he gets an actual summer. Too many summer months in hospital over the years!

Our critiquing group met today and the group gave me no feedback on my piece really, because they were laughing too hard. Lucky thing I meant it to be funny. This was a piece such as I do at readings, though it is a new untested one, called The Dreaded Healthy Soup. More feedback was offered when I read my current query letter. They are holding me to task as good writing friends should.The query, they tell me, does not sound like me, and it is not going to influence anyone from the publishing world. Back to the drawing board, kid!