Jes Baker's Blog

 

The Militant Baker blog had a fun eight-year run, and you're welcome to peruse the archives if you like!

If you'd like to connect with me now, you'll find me:

Working one-on-one with clients as a somatic practitioner, intuitive + coach and Running Joy School, a group container for learning how to access more joy, authenticity, and connection through Patreon
You're also more than welcome to join my newsletter (a pretty straightforward way to stay in touch), and my IG lives here.

See you soon!

 

The Militant Baker blog had a fun eight-year run, and you're welcome to peruse the archives if you like!

If you'd like to connect with me now, you'll find me:

Working one-on-one with clients as a somatic coach and Running Joy School, a container for learning how to access more joy, authenticity, and connection through Patreon
See you there!

In March, I attended a ���health and wellness��� retreat for women held in a lodge that rests at the bottom of the Okemo mountains, surrounded by a forest and a few sleepy towns. As someone who is known for their immersion in body politics and mental health, I was invited to participate in their program in exchange for feedback. 

While I was in the back of a shuttle, driving up the icy, winding road to the lodge the night before the retreat started, the realization started to sink in that their primary focus was centered around treating binge-eating disorders and that there was definitely a chance that this could go horribly wrong. As I grabbed my bag out of the trunk, I inhaled and forcibly exhaled while shaking out my shoulders, in preparation for entering the building that hosted I program I knew very little about. My breath was hyper-visible in the freezing air while I silently berated myself ��� What the fuck did I sign myself up for?

Bright and early the following morning and still uncertain of everything, I settled into a cushioned wooden chair next to a fireplace for the first workshop of the week. I listened to the Clinical Director describe the 40-year-old institution���s history and their specialized focus. There was an immediate emphasis on how they pride themselves on always being sure that the latest science and innovation inform their programs. The director went on to detail that the co-owner holds multiple degrees, including a Bachelors in Psychology, a Masters in Nutrition, and a Ph.D. in Nutritional Biochemistry & Metabolism. 

These sentiments rang with antagonistic familiarity in my ears.

They brought to mind the myriad of times that I've heard medical professionals use similar rhetoric to bolster their relevance, only to follow up their proclamations with the same outdated fatphobic and shame-based recommendations that have plagued our ���health care��� system for centuries. 

The science that proves that shame, bias, and stigma are catastrophically harmful in the long run (and that we are incorrect in how we assign ���blame��� to weight) has existed for quite some time.

Researchers documenting these findings have talked about the countless times they've shown pages and pages of evidence that contradicts old theories around weight and health in front of doctors and, almost without fail, the findings are disdainfully skimmed and quickly dismissed in the name of tradition.

I slumped slightly in my chair and resigned myself to a week of (at best) marginally progressive medical indoctrination; if I were lucky, perhaps I would hear a few updated findings, but I was still prepared to participate in workshops whose messaging would likely cling to what is socially respectable in our fatphobic culture. 

I couldn���t have been more wrong.

The following week was overflowing with classes that held true to the promise of being foundationally inclusive of the ���new��� (to the rest of the world) and hyper-relevant science that has proven that guilt, shame, forced exercise, restriction, and harsh judgment are the antithesis of the solution when it comes to healing our relationship with our bodies and food ��� or, in words people would most commonly associate with those two things, our physical health.

I spent the next five days rapidly taking notes while listening to professionals trained in neuropsychology, behavioral interventions, weight-neutral dietetics, and exercise science. The curriculum on how to heal our relationship with food and movement was not based on what I expect to hear when others talk about diet and exercise. Even the group therapy sessions left me in ���Aha!��� tears more often than not. I came to critique but instead left with an overflowing binder, filled with information on mindfulness, shame resilience, self-compassion, body trust, and dozens of tools to improve my mental health. 

These are the modalities that our ever-evolving scientific research has proven to be the most effective when it comes to full body healing, and THESE were the things that I watched participants (and myself) resonate with over and over again.

I watched the others around me and witnessed miracles while there. I saw light bulb after light bulb appear above each participant's head as they learned that there was an alternative to shame, guilt, and restriction/diet based living. I was blown away and humbled by the deep, internal healing that took place within the women who joined me there over the span of only seven days. They had come to this retreat, dedicated to learning how to ���finally lose weight and keep it off this time,��� but instead found a place full of healing that was so intimate, powerful, and communal that when I left, we were undoubtedly a more empowered group than when we came. We were also a family.

I left Vermont with even more conviction that, while we are never obligated to work on or address our relationship with food or movement, we can choose to look at these components of our life, rather than the robotic recommendation of following a diet plan. 

I had known this for years thanks to my personal recovery journey and my work history in the behavioral health system��� but to hear it over and over again from those whose life work is dedicated to staying in the forefront of the ever-expanding world of health? Well, there wasn���t a place left for doubt to hide.

This belief has only strengthened as I continue to work in tandem with the small (but rapidly growing) group of doctors, nutritionists, dieticians, therapists, and other professionals who are also assisting folx in finding balance in their lives in similar ways. Not through obsessing about checking off boxes that prove our dedication to ���wellness culture��� through physical performance, but rather through the invisible work that happens inside of us as we untangle confusing experiences while reinstating the connection between our brain and bodies.

That connection was once ours but has since been systematically suppressed by an industry that shames us into submission, sells us ���surefire��� products that ultimately don���t work, and couldn���t give a shit less about our actual wellbeing.

It���s natural to want a ���surefire��� promise after growing up around articles with titles like ���Five Fastest Ways to Lose Ten Pounds.��� And when you release yourself from those hollow guarantees after realizing what a scam it���s always been, it can feel tempting to gravitate towards articles called ���Five Quickest Ways to Love Your Body.��� But the reality is that the deep and lasting healing often happens when you step into the unknown grey areas, and there are no surefire promises when you walk into the grey. 

However, I have seen through my own experience, from those who surround me, and through those I work with one-on-one, that taking that first step and walking into an ambiguous area of uncertainty ��� replacing the routine rigidity of following someone else's external instructions with the arduous act of unearthing our intuition ��� while uncomfortable (and more often than not terrifying), yields unimaginably remarkable results. 

It feels difficult to explain ��� and it���s even more difficult to do ��� but it is in these currently unexplored and internal spaces that I���ve seen beautiful things happen.

���Health��� as a topic has become something of a cultural glue ��� a subject that connects us through our obsession with bodies, a commodity that, while diverse, is something we all have. 

For most people, talking about ���health��� will more often than not quickly veer into discussions about ���fitness��� levels, blood tests, and almost certainly, weight. Health, in our society, has been portrayed as purely ���physical��� in its origin and this simple conversation infiltrates not only our medical care systems but chats with friends, family, and even strangers who strike up conversations with you on the bus.

This one-dimensional approach is no longer relevant in my world.

I believe ultimately in holistic wellness ��� a complicated, critical, and multifaceted version of ���health." It's like a puzzle that interlocks, with each piece working collectively, all to find the unique balance desired by the person in question.

Every person deserves to make completely autonomous choices when it comes to their body, brain, and everything in between. What works for me, may not work for you, and this is more than okay. No one is ever obligated to do or ���work on��� something that they don���t want to. Please know that this is crucial to every conversation around bodies.

So when I speak of this concept, it may be backed by current research, but I ultimately am still just speaking for myself; my mental wellness is the core of my personal health. 

After spending years trying to ���fix��� my body physically through whatever the world told me to do, I ended up feeling broken, disconnected and unable to function. And so, as I put my focus on my mental health and the dozens of components that go along with it, I���m not only healing the past trauma caused by diet culture but also learning how to listen to my body and what it needs for the first time. To me, this is both priceless and paramount.
So if you want to talk to me about health, it���s essential that you know that we���re probably going to talk about mental health first.

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This piece was first published on Ravishly and bless them for allowing me to also share it here. 

(Via)
I've been searching a term that encapsulates the trend of body positive content I've been watching spread like pink and purple wildfire a for a couple of years now and, well damn. It took a while.
The conversation around body love/body positivity/BoPo has become so fractured and seemingly uncontainable that I often find myself talking about it using air quotes; often resorting to simply calling it "Whateverthefuckthisthingis."
I air quote A LOT.
SO g'bless a whimsical technicolor leopard creator for finally, in a moment of inspiration, giving me the perfect description for something that until now, I couldn't put my finger (or a name) on. 
Lisa Frank BoPo. I presumptuously designate it: a thing.
While the term may be "new", I highly doubt you're unaware of the messaging I'm alluding to. If you've been a part of almost any "body positive" (I'll stop using quotations at this point, but know that every time I use that term, I'm always implying it) online conversation—particularly on Instagram’s platform—there's a really good chance that you've been scrolling through Lisa Frank BoPo for a long-ass time.
Lisa Frank BoPo is what I (now) call the branch of body positivity that:
isn't intersectionalfocuses on white and often thin bodies, andrefuses to dig into the deep and critical political issues around comprehensive body liberation and, instead, relies on topical positive messages to keep us all feeling cheerful, and--most importantly: comfortable.
This particular lens of body positivity has gained an enormous (and seemingly unstoppable) following—which isn't surprising, as it has taken the original focus of Fat Acceptance and purposefully replaced its polemic aims with palatable conversations. 
There are, of course, divergent ideologies even within the militant Fat Activism movement: voices that disagree on topics like labels, weight loss and other fundamental concepts. But after the confetti-like explosion of what was (and is) called Body Positivity in 2015's mainstream media, I needed a name for what I was witnessing unravel in all its multicolored and purposefully attractive splendor.
Lisa Frank BoPo: Glittery, colorful, and endlessly positive. Also: shallow, uncritical and exclusive. When you add all these things together, it's no surprise that Lisa Frank BoPo is popular AF.
This “movement’s” palatability isn't an accident though—it is diligently ambiguous about things like health, superfat bodies, racism, trans issues, white supremacy and other relevant  political body ties that can quickly become "hot button" topics. This can then lead to emphatically and unseemly (read: controversial and unpopular) divisive threads. While individual users may be unaware of the purposeful reason behind its popularity, it is in large part easily loved because it prioritizes vagueness and erasure, enabling an effortless dance around these critical issues with the dangerously disarming chant of " I just want us all to bake a cake out of rainbows and smiles and all eat it and be happy! ”
Not literally, of course… but kinda.
This is easily enhanced by influential accounts on Instagram, where content is hyper visual: leaning towards the “pretty” images without the need for written content to achieve success. This practice can highlighted by conventionally attractive, thin bodies posting pictures in swimsuits and using hashtags like #EveryBodyIsABikiniBody or models promoting covertly disguised weight loss products and using #BodyPositive in each caption. 
I will sincerely own that when I started blogging, my body liberation content was naively cheerful, selective in its content and yes, definitely carried the lightness (and only the lightness) of a pink cat with angel wings. I was a Lisa Frank BoPo enthusiast. I've been there. I've preached it. I believed all of it. Exclusively focusing on “good vibes” was a natural first step in my personal journey, as it is for others as well. Sometimes, it's all we can absorb when we start approaching the concept that, perhaps, we don't have to hate ourselves for the rest of our life.
After all, send a person who is brand new to the concept of “not hating their body” my way, and they'll likely run the opposite direction screaming at the first mention of how medical records have nothing to do with worth. Lisa Frank BoPo offers a strangely approachable first step into the world of challenging body ideals and issues. It's a step in the right direction, yes! But I want to make sure that we don't step onto that first rainbow painted stepping stone... and stop there.
I want to make sure we keep moving.
We’re always seemingly walking a tightrope when it comes to these concepts and my balance is often shitty, so I’m not the one to show you how to do it perfectly. But I CAN share what I’ve learned from falling off a million times in hopes that it helps you on your tenuous journey.
After November 8th, it was clear that more political content needed to be shared through my social media channels, and I vowed to myself that I would make this a priority. These articles (largely shared on Facebook and Twitter because of the linking/sharing opportunities) were vehemently met with "Can you please stop talking about politics and get back to body positivity?"
This generated a post in which I explained that the two are inextricably connected, and clarified for me that the new form of body positivity I was seeing on Instagram (and surrounding platforms) was, while reaching more people, becoming more harmful than helpful. 
Guys, it's important you know that I'm not a rainbow hater. I use unicorn, enthusiastic raised hands and sparkly heart emojis just as much as anyone. I still share memes of cats with googly eyes on the back of their heads. I can see the appeal of Lisa Frank BoPo. I'll even go so far to say that for some, it might be a much needed first step into the giant and overwhelming world of confronting diet culture and beauty standards. BUT (notice the giant, bold but), I'm gonna say it again... I think it's really important to emphasize that we don't stop there.
Fuck yeah, I wanna bake a cake out of rainbows and cover it in smiley faces and eat it and be happy with you! I AM SO IN.
I also want to talk about the Eurocentric ideal and how it's created a huge market for dangerous whitening creams, how Black trans women have the highest murder rates in the country/world, how trans youth have a 40% suicide rate and are denied their identity (and safety) more often than not. I also want to talk about how health is NOT an obligation, how our medical industry is biased, how inaccessible cities are for people with disabilities, how white supremacy is alive and thriving and how we never mention mental health when we talk about wellness.
I want to talk about all of those things AND post pictures of flower covered cakes, little yellow birds who give you cute pep talks and amazing jumpsuits! Not instead of, but and.
We can do both, and if we find ourselves being exclusive because it's outside our comfort zones (or we might lose followers who take issue with these subjects), maybe it's time to look at our motives and priorities. And then especially do both. It is critical for all of us that we keep moving forward, learning, doing better and making progress. The platforms I share these on are usually Facebook, Twitter and my blog but this applies to Instagram as well, especially if it's the only platform used.
Instagram is important because visibility and representation is important. What we see can rewire our brains; science backs us up on this! (It's all here with a nice NPR summary here.) But I am now convinced that in order to create actual change, we have to start at the back. We need to amplify the most marginalized voices. The most harmed groups facing oppression. We all have work to do on this; me included.
I am certain that no matter how "radical" I feel my politics may be to the majority, there are those who would easily categorize my messages as more perpetuation of chirpy messaging that isn't and never will be political enough. There will always be those who believe that I cause harm by not doing enough... and I would agree. I have so much room for improvement and when I have the space and capacity to do more, I must. I can, and I will. 
Body liberation is not an endpoint journey. It's a fluid continuum of education, awakening, apologizing and doing better.
To be perfectly clear, I am not asking for perfection from anyone.
To do so would perpetuate the harmful internet myth that the public figures we follow aren't human. We already ask so much from ordinary individuals, none of which are perfect and I enthusiastically include myself in this group. We're not commodities to simply be consumed and bridled with impossible demands, yet this is what happens more often than not. So to demand perfection? That would be detrimental to us all.
All I ask for is progress.
Unstoppable learning. Active listening. Stepping back and looking at our uncomfortable biases. We are all sizeist, racist, ableist, ageist, etc and it comes from our upbringing. But it doesn't need to be so. We need to do the work to actively fight these prejudices, instead of pretending that they don’t exist within us. If we do, world changing things can (and will) happen if we responsibly harness the energy that is gaining power online every day.
It’s not that Lisa Frank BoPo is wrong. It’s just that it’s not enough.

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(This is in no way affiliated with the Lisa Frank company- simply a description for a current trend.)

So, I've gained weight.

I know it. My partner knows it. My family knows it. My friends know it. The jerks who spend too much time on Reddit know it. And if you've followed me along my journey for the last couple years, I'm sure you know it too.
This experience isn't unique. In fact, it is entirely possible you have gained weight at some point in your life — maybe even recently!

After coming to terms with my “new” bodily features, I started sorting through my thoughts (while mixing them with a fair amount of good ol' logic) to figure out what this does and does not mean for me. So far, I've come to these undeniable conclusions:

What it DOESN'T mean:My value as a person has decreased.I am now broken and must be fixed.I have failed myself and everyone around me.I must return to “old me” in order to be happy and successful.I am going to lose all my friends.Supergirl is a riveting show that everyone should watch (sorry, Supergirl fans).The world is going to end.
What it DOES mean:I've gained weight
Seriously. That's all it means. We want to make it so complicated, but in reality... It's just that simple.

Have you gained weight? The above applies to you too. Catastrophe averted!

There are many reasons why my weight gain has happened; some completely "out of my control" and some totally "within" it. But regardless of why, none of these reasons need to be explained or apologized for because the only person I am accountable to when it comes to my body is me.

I'll say that again: The only person I am accountable to when it comes to my body is me.

(This also applies to you.)

Not surprisingly though, this physical change has come with a large amount of mindfuckery. After all, I had just become comfortable with my body (thanks to an arduous amount of body love work over the years) — now, that body shape I learned to love was no more. Now I needed to re-learn how to love my body with all its new features.
Goddamnit, Life.

IT WAS HARD ENOUGH THE FIRST TIME. I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS AGAIN.

But I have to do it again. Because even if my body doesn't look like this forever, it looks like this right now, and right now is real and valid.

And if I'm going to be totally honest, this change is a good thing for me mentally.

Real Talk: My body is going to keep changing for the rest of my life. If it's not weight gain, it will be aging. If not aging, it could be an illness. If not an illness, it could be any number of things that will cause inevitable change, which will require me to to learn to love the change.

Change is nothing if not constant, and this is where body acceptance comes in. It's taken me a while to learn that body acceptance isn't necessarily just about learning to love your body right now....

I watch this change happen everywhere. My mom has only recently learned to embrace her body shape (C-section stomach and all!) but is now trying to come to terms that her metabolism is slowing. A reader shared that she learned to love her plus body and then developed a disease that caused the loss of her hair; she is now on the journey to learn to love this part of her too. Another person is trying to cope with losing skin elasticity. Someone out there is learning to love their new skin condition.

You get the picture.

All of these things are very real, possible, and have nothing to do with a person's beauty or worth. But we tend to forget this.

Many ask me if I am going to try to become the two-years-ago version of myself again.

My immediate reaction, when I first considered the option, was yes. After all, I'm only human. I've been raised in this bullshit-spewing society too.

But after real thought, it's a resounding NO. This sends my brain the wrong message, that size is the end-all, be-all — and it most certainly isn't.

Trying to return to my body from two years ago is ultimately the most harmful thing I could do to myself.

Rather, I am going to check in with myself about my life habits — focusing on my behaviors instead of my body.

Am I doing anything I feel is damaging? Would I like to change anything to improve quality of life? Ultimately, what is best for me in the grand scheme of things?

These are the things we can look at if we really want to take the focus off of body standards and onto a healthy life: mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Our value does not lie in our weight, hair, bellies, skin, or even physical health. These are all just components of our outsides, and our outside is only one part of “us.”

Now, what you do and feel about your body is your business. I'm not here to tell you what to do or how to think. But I am here to suggest — take it or leave it! — that there is likely going to be another change (or 10) that will happen in your lifetime.

Change is nothing if not constant, and this is where body acceptance comes in. It's taken me a while to learn that body acceptance isn't necessarily just about learning to love your bodyright now — though this is a great first step! It extends far beyond that, and also includes deconstructing the actual reasons behind body hatred: learning why we've decided that we're not OK in general.

It's about dismantling the thought that there is a “perfect” body to achieve. It's sometimes about letting go of the belief that you are nothing more than your body.

Tall order and slightly confusing, I know. But this is what I'm working on.

Changing bodies are a great reminder that body love and acceptance (deep, deep down) isn't about bodies at all, but rather a profound and untouchable acceptance of the fact that you are wonderful — no matter what.

Try practicing this belief. Try cultivating total self-love. Try letting go of unattainable goals and focusing on the amazing things you are and your body is.

--- Tl;dr?
Well then, read this instead: Fuck society's standards, my friend. You are awesome, no matter what the scale or mirror says. You are a valuable human and deserve happiness above all else. And you get to decide what that happiness looks like for yourself.

¿Comprende? Now go get 'em, Tiger.

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This piece was originally published on Ravishly <3

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Like this blog? Then you'll probably love my book Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls. TNOWTFG "

is a manifesto and call to arms for people of all sizes and ages." Learn more here.
Want to hear me speak? I'd love to visit your campus or come to your event! You can find more info here or you can just email me at themilitantbaker at gmail.com. Cheers!

(via)
It was only a few years ago that a search for “body positive children's books” would have brought up a disappointing and limited amount of options.

But it is officially 2016, and our world has progressed! HURRAH! The measly list is no more!

The human brain is so easily conditioned and without a word being spoken, the simple elimination of everything except for the “perfect body” in any form of media is enough to instill belief in our young ones that unless they have that desired body, they do not deserve to be seen.

One way to counter this is to fill our children’s line of vision with as many diverse bodies as possible through literature. Bring all sizes, shapes, ages, sexes, genders, abilities, and races into your home and normalize the incredible diversity in our world. Give your child a world in which they AND others belong and deserve to be seen!

Here are 20 diverse children's books for your home that will do just that:

1. Your Body is Awesome: Body Respect for Children: "By learning about all the wonderful things bodies can do, and how each body is different and unique, children will be inspired to take good care of their bodies throughout their lives. Promoting respect for body diversity among children will also encourage kindness and help prevent bullying."

2. It's Okay To Be Different: "It's Okay to Be Different cleverly delivers the important messages of acceptance, understanding, and confidence in an accessible, child-friendly format featuring Todd Parr's trademark bold, bright colors and silly scenes."

3. I Am Jazz: "From the time she was two years old, Jazz knew that she had a girl's brain in a boy's body. She loved pink and dressing up as a mermaid and didn't feel like herself in boys' clothing. This confused her family, until they took her to a doctor who said that Jazz was transgender and that she was born that way."

4. Amanda's Big Dream: "We can show kids that there are more respectful ways to view bodies, that they can follow their dreams in whatever body they have, and that self-care is nourishing in and of itself, not something to be undertaken for weight control. This is a 'feel-good' kind of book, with great messages about body respect, eating well, honoring emotions." — Linda Bacon, founder of Health At Every Size

 

5. Little Miss Jessica Goes to School: "Based on the true life of author Jessica Smith, Little Miss Jessica isn't your average hero. Sure, she's smart, funny, and charming, but Jessica only has one hand. Little Miss Jessica Goes to School is an inspirational book that celebrates the differences, not the deficiencies, that different children and different bodies have." — Bustle

6. Brontorina: “Brontorina has a dream. She wants to dance. But Brontorina is [...] too large to fit in Madame Lucille’s dance studio. Brontorina does not have the right shoes, and everyone knows you can’t dance without the proper footwear. Still, Brontorina knows, deep in her heart, that she is meant to be a ballerina.” (Spoiler: the dance teacher is awesome and moves the class outside!)

7. Meet ClaraBelle Blue: "Meet ClaraBelle Blue [...] introduces you to a snazzy little preschooler with major moxy — and a hot pink wheelchair!  In Meet ClaraBelle Blue, you see ClaraBelle face the naysayers in her class, and show them all the things she CAN do, and how LIKE THEM she really is, regardless of her challenges." (Bonus: This book was written by the very fabulous Adiba Nelson!)

8. Big Hair, Don't Care: "Lola has really really REALLY big hair, much bigger than the other kids at her school, but that doesn't stop her from telling anyone who will listen just how much she LOVES her hair! It´s not always easy being a kid. Designed to boost self-esteem and build confidence, this beautifully illustrated picture book is aimed at boys and girls who may need a reminder from time to time that it's okay to look different from the other kids at their school."

9. Daddy, There's A Noise Outside: "This engaging story begins when two children are awakened by noises in the middle of the night outside the window of their inner-city neighborhood. Both their Dad and Mom spend the next morning explaining to them what was taking place in their community."

10. Sometimes the Spoon Runs Away with Another Spoon (coloring book): "Re-creating nursery rhymes and fairy tales, this radical activity book takes anecdotes from the lives of real kids and mixes them with classic tales to create true-to-life characters, situations, and resolutions. Featuring massive beasts who enjoy dainty, pretty jewelry and princesses who build rocket ships, this fun-for-all-ages coloring book celebrates those who do not fit into disempowering gender categorizations, from sensitive boys to tough girls."

11. Girls Are Not Chicks (coloring book): "A subversive and playful for for children, and adults, to examine how pervasive gender stereotypes are in every aspect of life. This book helps to deconstruct the homogeneity of gender expression in children's media by showing diverse pictures that reinforce positive gender roles for girls."

12. Jacob's New Dress: "Jacob loves playing dress-up, when he can be anything he wants to be. Some kids at school say he can’t wear 'girl' clothes, but Jacob wants to wear a dress to school. Can he convince his parents to let him wear what he wants? This heartwarming story speaks to the unique challenges faced by boys who don’t identify with traditional gender roles."

13. SuperNatural (coloring book): "SuperNatural is a fun fresh coloring book for colorers of all ages. Featured inside are 17 inspiring superheroes with gloriously curly natural hair. The SuperNaturals have teamed up to solve the world's problems. The only thing they're missing is a bit of color and style."

14. Sex is a Funny Word: "A comic book for kids that includes children and families of all makeups, orientations, and gender identities, Sex Is a Funny Word is an essential resource about bodies, gender, and sexuality for children ages 8 to 10 as well as their parents and caregivers. Much more than the 'facts of life' or 'the birds and the bees.'"

15. My Princess Boy: "Dyson loves pink, sparkly things. Sometimes he wears dresses. Sometimes he wears jeans. He likes to wear his princess tiara, even when climbing trees. He's a Princess Boy. Inspired by the author's son, and by her own initial struggles to understand, this is a heart-warming book about unconditional love and one remarkable family."

16. Stephanie's Ponytail: "None of the kids in her class wear a ponytail, so Stephanie decides she must have one. The loud, unanimous comment from her classmates is: 'Ugly, ugly, very ugly.' Steadfast, when all the girls have copied her ponytail, she resolves to try a new style. With true Munsch flair, each of Stephanie’s ponytails is more outrageous than the last, while the cast of copycats grows and grows."

17. Gender Now (coloring book): "Gender is something relevant to all of us because we all express gender. You may or may not be transgender. You may or may not know a transgender child. The truth is that doesn't matter. We are all on this planet together.Gender Now is meant to provide reflection and support unity by showing multiple genders standing together. It is a specific opportunity to create balance and awareness by including gender expressions that are under-represented in our current culture."

18. Marisol McDonald Doesn't Match: "Marisol McDonald has flaming red hair and nut-brown skin. Polka dots and stripes are her favorite combination. She prefers peanut butter and jelly burritos in her lunch box. And don’t even think of asking her to choose one or the other activity at recess — she'll just be a soccer playing pirate princess, thank you very much. Unfortunately, they don’t always make sense to everyone else. Other people wrinkle their nose in confusion at Marisol — can't she just be one or the other? Try as she might, in a world where everyone tries to put this biracial, Peruvian-Scottish-American girl into a box, Marisol McDonald doesn’t match. And that’s just fine with her."

19. El Deafo: "Going to school and making new friends can be tough. But going to school and making new friends while wearing a bulky hearing aid strapped to your chest? That requires superpowers! In this funny, poignant graphic novel memoir, author/illustrator Cece Bell chronicles her hearing loss at a young age and her subsequent experiences with the Phonic Ear, a very powerful — and very awkward — hearing aid."

20. I Like Myself!: “High on energy and imagination, this ode to self-esteem encourages kids to appreciate everything about themselves--inside and out. Messy hair? Beaver breath? So what! Here's a little girl who knows what really matters.”

Are there any other titles you would add to this list? Leave them in the comments below!

 (This piece was first published on Ravishly, because... well, they're rad.)

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Like this blog? Then you'll probably love my book Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls. TNOWTFG "

is a manifesto and call to arms for people of all sizes and ages." Learn more here.
Want to hear me speak? I'd love to visit your campus or come to your event! You can find more info here or you can just email me at themilitantbaker at gmail.com. Cheers!

While searching for some old college essays a while ago, I stumbled upon a forgotten Photobucket album that held 48 pages of memories from the last 10 years. I was thrilled to find this photographic treasure chest and eagerly clicked through them, reliving every moment that I had captured. It's so strange, the things that old photos can evoke. 
I could somehow remember the smell of my dorm room, the dust in the abandoned apartments upstairs, that specific monsoon season, those nights smoking cloves in a hoodie, that visit to a park in Baltimore, those tears on top of a parking garage, that drive to nowhere, those feelings of hopelessness, that moment of ecstatic joy, that museum trip with the Renoir exhibit, that afternoon spent listening to Jenny Watson and drinking Highlife in the backyard, that week spent on the circus train, and that cup of espresso in Venice. 
The evolution of me becoming who I am today; my many faces and multiple facets. It all came back to me with such force, it nearly knocked the breath out of me. It was unexpectedly powerful. 


I then noticed how beautiful I was in all these old pictures, and immediately connected this with how much thinner I used to be. I wasn't skinny, but I was not fat in the way that I remembered, and this shocked my nervous system in a way I can't explain.

I became hyper aware of how I felt sitting in my current body, and how I didn't see it reflected in any of the photos on my screen. I was instantly attacked by the cruel teachings of society that I've internalized my entire life.

So I wasn't as fat as I remembered back then. Why did I remember always feeling like I was twice the size that I was? How was my body dysmorphia so extreme that I felt like I was an embarrassment to those around me? Why did I hate myself so much? How could I not see?

The spiraling continued.

Maybe I'm even more of a failure now than I was then and maybe I should lose weight to become like Old Me again. Maybe I would meet more people if I looked like Old Me. Maybe I would succeed more if I looked like Old Me. Maybe I would be happier if I looked like Old Me. Maybe Old Me was better.

And then I caught myself.












I realized that Old Me hated everything about herself. I can see the beauty so clearly now, but she had no idea. She loathed every piece of her body and wished she could trade it in for anything else. Anything. Her self-esteem was nonexistent, though she pretended this wasn't the case. Old Me wanted to die instead of live in that body and I wish I could have hugged her and told her how exquisite she was.
And then I started to sob.
I sobbed for the girl that was so beautiful on the inside and the outside but couldn't see it. I sobbed for the girl who spent years missing out on magical parts of life because her perspective was poisoned. I sobbed for the girl that repeatedly punished herself for not being good enough. And I sobbed for every other person out there who believes the same lies that she did. I sobbed because these lies destroy lives.
And then my answer came. Retrieving the body of Old Me wouldn't change a thing. I'm fatter than I have ever been and somehow I happier than I have ever been. I have a career and mission in life. I have more fulfilling friendships. I am solid in my beliefs. I believe in myself and my purpose. I have learned how to heal. I have people who love me, a partner who adores me, a lover who worships me, and goals that I'm achieving.
I am the happiest I have ever been and this simply proves that happiness is not a size. 
Happiness is a state of being. Happiness is about finding what you love about yourself and sharing it. Happiness is about taking what you hate about yourself and learning to love it. Happiness is an internal sanctuary where you are enough just as you are, right now.






There is a comic by Toothpaste for Dinner that has a drawing of a fat man saying "I hate myself." The next frame is him as a skinny man saying "Nope, that wasn't it." Every time I read it I smile at the profound truth. It's far more difficult to treat our mind and bodies well until we learn to accept them. Nothing good comes out of finding the flaws and harboring resentment towards ourselves. 
Years ago I was more "conventionally stunning" and hated everything about my body; hurting it repeatedly on purpose. I am unconventionally beautiful now and I find myself with more good days than bad. My life is no where near perfect, but I'm learning to love myself. Just the way I am. Right now. And I am happy.
And isn't that what it's all about?

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(Note: This is an updated post from 7/13 before the diluted Body Positive movement became mainstream in 2015. I left the term "body love" in the title per the original post but it's important to know that I am speaking of the concept of body liberation. You can read more about body liberation here!)

Caleb Luna is a fat, brown queer, writer and burlesque dancer (!) who resides in Oakland, California which is apparently the destination for every radical unicorn on the planet. I'm definitely not that sad to be here in Tucson though (<--Lie. Oakland, you stole my heart years ago.)

Caleb is a PhD student at University of California, Berkeley, where their work explores the intersections of performance, fatness, desire, fetishism, white supremacy, and colonialism from a queer of color lens. They also have a heart shaped FAT BABE tattoo on their arm that deserves a moment of recognition as well. Can I get a dozen Hands In The Air emojis for this above list of fabulous things please? (Ask and ye shall receive: 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌!)

Caleb writes for multiple sites including Black Girl Dangerous, The Body Is Not an Apology, and Everyday Feminism. I can almost guarantee that you've read at least one of their articles; they are often very-much-needed posts that push you farrrrrrr outside of your comfort zone and are full of complex subjects/ideas that you never knew you needed to read... which then presents you with the opportunity to process them three (or ten) times over. You don't want to miss out on them..

Count me as one of the people eternally grateful for their writing and the contributions that they offer.


Because everything Caleb writes is  more than worth reading, I'm going to share a few of my favorite excerpts with links to every brilliant and sparkling article!

Ugly is how I move through the world, how I am viewed by strangers, coworkers, potential lovers, employers, family, community members, doctors, professors, service industry workers, et cetera, and this perception affects how I am treated daily. I have been denied job opportunities because of my body. I do not fit into restaurant booths, airplane seats, or school desks comfortably—which serves as a constant reminder that this world was not built to accommodate me.

From:  On Being Fat, Brown, Femme, Ugly, and Unloveable
(Photo by Michelle Ramirez)

A product of the fat acceptance movement is a bigger and more diverse group of people embracing their bodies and claiming fat identity. There are so many reasons to claim fatness and so many ways to be fat. It’s an embodiment that is contextual depending on other variations like race, gender and ability especially. I don’t think that the destigmatizing and expanding the boundaries of fatness is necessarily a bad thing, but it can become complicated for me when the vast majority of these people are on the smaller end of the spectrum of fatness.

From:  Super Fat Erasure: 4 Ways Smaller Fat Bodies Crowd the Conversation

I’m a fat, fat-positive activist – and I don’t love my body. I have spent the past several years thinking and speaking quite a bit about fatness. I’ve written about it both publicly and academically, participated in conferences, and co-wrote and performed in a play about fatness. I dress intentionally and strategically to show off my body and challenge presumptions of fatness in those around me. And I’m sure that, for many people, these things leads them to believe that I do, in fact, love my body. And while I do have a tremendous amount of self-love, that love is tied more to who I am than what body I exist in. 

From:  4 Hidden Problems with All of This ‘Love Your Body’ Talk (Photo by Beverly Bland Boydston III)

Critical television engagement remains an important aspect of my personal-political practice, and my inclinations are, of course, colored by my own positionality as a fat, queer, femme of color. This means that I still gravitate towards shows that feature people of color, fat people, queers, and femmes in my curation – and why shows like The Mindy Project and The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, for example, remain important to me.
Despite their (many, many) shortcomings, outside of Mindy Lahiri and Titus Andromedon, there are so few other places I could see a fat femme of color portrayed at all, but much less as a legitimate love interest. I value that.
So while there’s clearly some forward momentum toward showing fat people to be fully realized, three-dimensional characters, I still yearn for a character whose fatness is part of them.

From:  The Sitcom Trope About Fat People That’s Way More F*cked Up Than You Might Think  

This experience really helped me see how white supremacy manifests in subtle ways in activist spaces, even by folks who identify strongly as people of color and/or as anti-racist and anti-oppressive.I now see how even cultivating activist communities and spaces that consist of primarily young, thin, cis, and non-disabled people is a product of white supremacy, even if the people are not all white.

From: Your Fat Stigma Is Racist – Here Are 6 Ways to Shift That

And my personal favorite article-

I am tired of fighting my friends. I am tired of trying to convince them that I matter as much as their romantic interests and partners. In many ways, who we choose to love is also a decision of who we invest in, and who we distribute the resources necessary to keep one another alive—including care. I am tired of trying to get people who love me to see that I am worthy of love, care, investment and attention as much as their romantic partners. I am tired of trying to make those who love me see that I am worthy of care, time and attention as much as the whiteness and thinness they invest in through their partners. I am sick of reminding them of the simple fact that who we choose to love and, by extension, invest in is political. Investing in people is also investing bodies and this does not exist outside out of historical priorities and possibilities. We can stop politicizing desire when we stop distributing our love and care based on it. When we stop using our desire as a rubric for who we are keeping alive—or at least making efforts to.

From:  Romantic Love is Killing Us: Who Takes Care of Us When We Are Single? ------I'm fairly certain that the only thing better than this world having one Caleb Luna is the world having THREE Caleb Lunas.
The above wish is now officially on my birthday list. Make a note, y'all.

You can find Caleb on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram (which I literally just spend 90 minutes oohing and aaahing over) and I suggest you follow each of their social media profiles STAT.

Thank you Caleb for gifting us your talent and presence in a world that honestly deserves neither. SENDING YOU ALL THE LOVE.

P.S. You can check out other amazing crushes here!

LONDON, we have prepared the most amazing one-night show for you and we are not fucking around when we say... It's GOING TO BE INCREDIBLE.

Imagine ALL OF THESE AMAZING HUMAN ON ONE STAGE:


Travis AlabanzaMegan CrabbeJoeley BishopRosie JonesCrystal RasmussenScotteeGlamrouMichelle ElmanJes Baker (that's me!) andSofie Hagen
all in ONE place, during ONE show, on ONE night... just for you.

THE PREMISE:

" It’s a dark and gloomy January in a dark and gloomy post-Brexit UK. The world is on fire and as we’re all rapidly plummeting into uncertainty we thought:
WHY NOT HAVE A FANTASTIC SHOW WHILE SURROUNDED BY AMAZING PEOPLE BEFORE IT ALL ENDS?
It’s a line-up that makes you go ‘HOLY SHIT!’ It’s a night that makes you laugh, dance and feel hopeful, and it’s the most extraordinary collection of talent that we’ll likely never see on the same bill again. We're not joking; it's going to be THAT great.

This show is not only incomparable but absolutely unmissable. COME JOIN US!"
-------------------
SO PLEASE DO COME JOIN US!

Ticket sales go up at 10am tomorrow (London time!) and I can't fucking WAIT to see you there!

(For more info about the venue, performers, accessibility and other details feel free to check out www.TheWorldisOnFireShow.com!)

LONDON, we have prepared the most amazing one-night show for you and we are not fucking around when we say... It's GOING TO BE INCREDIBLE.

Imagine ALL OF THESE AMAZING HUMAN ON ONE STAGE:


Travis AlabanzaMegan CrabbeJoeley BishopRosie JonesCrystal RasmussenScotteeGlamrouMichelle ElmanJes Baker (that's me!) andSofie Hagen
all in ONE place, during ONE show, on ONE night... just for you.

THE PREMISE:


" It’s a dark and gloomy January in a dark and gloomy post-Brexit UK. The world is on fire and as we’re all rapidly plummeting into uncertainty we thought:
WHY NOT HAVE A FANTASTIC SHOW WHILE SURROUNDED BY AMAZING PEOPLE BEFORE IT ALL ENDS?
It’s a line-up that makes you go ‘HOLY SHIT!’ It’s a night that makes you laugh, dance and feel hopeful, and it’s the most extraordinary collection of talent that we’ll likely never see on the same bill again. We're not joking; it's going to be THAT great.

This show is not only incomparable but absolutely unmissable. COME JOIN US!"
-------------------
SO PLEASE DO COME JOIN US!

Ticket sales go up at 10am tomorrow (London time!) and I can't fucking WAIT to see you there!

(For more info about the venue, performers, accessibility and other details feel free to check out www.TheWorldisOnFireShow.com!)